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Hi everyone, I’ve finally signed up for help.l (here)

I’m not really sure where to start, im a Mum of 2 and have a fiancé who I’ve been with for almost 11 years..

I have been addicted to online slots for quite a few years now..I’m blowing all our money, literally every penny..we have no savings because of me..I’m at the point where I feel I would be better off dead..I have a very good job, I can come home very good money per day and I’ll blow it like it’s Monopoly money..I’ve just literally spent our last partner thinks we have savings..I have 90p in my account 😢 I am so upset, I hate myself.. I feel so bad for my children having a mother like one else knows about my addition, on the outside we look like a normal family..I need to come clean, I’ve blocked myself from most websites now..I think there are maybe 2 left, they only let me exclude myself for up to 6 weeks, that’s how I was able to get back on today..I don’t send in that email because I know I’ll never play again. I have a few business ideas I want to start with, I can afford it but then I can’t because I spend it all..we live day to day and we shouldn’t with my wage coming fiancé’s wage pays the bills every month and the rest I earn should be savings..

I want to start a fresh, from now..please help me

Posted : 11th April 2021 6:33 pm
Forum admin

Dear whyme87,

I am so glad that you have written this; it sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment but please know that you are not alone and there is a lot of advice, and more importantly support, available to you.

I can imagine that it took a lot of courage to write these words, you sound upset but we are here to help. You have made a really positive step today just by reaching out. As I am sure you will find, the Forum is a welcoming and supportive space which allows you to talk to others who may also be experiencing similar issues to yourself.

I would encourage you to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.

Wishing you all the very best,

Forum Admin

Posted : 11th April 2021 10:00 pm

Try this. Find a quiet place. Close your eyes. Take three slow deep breaths and pretend that you are breathing in through your heart and exhaling through your heart. On the last exhale, I would like you to click/snap your fingers once then open your eyes. Now that feeling should represent your conscious awareness and if only for a short second it should remind you of what being present is. Mindfulness is all about being in the present. Gambling is being on autopilot. Look up mindfulness online. It has helped me lots when I have needed it. Maybe it can help you too.



Posted : 12th April 2021 8:34 am

hey @whyme87

I feel your pain, 

Difficult but ideally, 

Tell Partner you have now realised you are struggling want to stamp out this problem/this has become a major problem and you need his help badly.

Discuss an action plan that's viable for both of you/you both feel comfortable with 

to give you the space and time away from gambling you need, to sort your head out/deal with this problem.

also add in the professional help counselling/courses you are prepared to do/time allocation during a given week you need so you both can juggle things around children and that, know its difficult while going bang to the beat of the drum through life to stop look listen adjust..

Please realise it's nothing to be embarrassed/shameful about we are human we all have demons/things to learn about ourselves/improve be stronger/learn obtain tools to deal with what comes in our path and then become more aligned with how we would like our life to be.

Hope your amazing life journey continues towards a very cool place as a team with your partner and family... 

aligned with your attack plan/dealt with problem as you see fit, in an organised fashion,

to let you start to enjoy life again more, without this dark cloud looming.

be kind to yourself /be prepared as best you can for failure on path towards goal,,/proactive protection in place, and add more protection if you find a way through on a dark day, damage limitations, but you will reach your goal believe....

All the best 


Posted : 12th April 2021 8:57 am

I can really relate to your story! 

I am a mother of one with my second on the way and live with my fiancé.

I am in recovery and I get what you mean about the self exclusion coming to and end and you jump back on but what I learned is what always happens ? We go back on lose exclude again then it’s a vicious circle ! 

the fact you earn good money means your financially situation can be repaired! I was on good money and took the plunge to open my own business which earns very good money and I blew £50k in a week !! You need to reign this in before you end up making the mistake I did and follow your dreams and almost lose them all again ! 

fortunately I had healthy saving a and managed to stop myself before it went too far ! I try not to think about that £50k much as what’s done is done and I had to tell my partner about it and he was supportive and we moved forward.


The bookie always wins is something I say when I think about gambling ! Very true statement! 

wish you well on your recovery and not all is lost you still have your family and things can change from this point on and you can live a beautiful life ! 

Posted : 12th April 2021 3:00 pm

Thank you all for your support, I kind of rushed my intro to be honest, it was desperation to just throw something out there to admit to somebody about my problem. 
I spoke with my partner about this, he knows I like to play the slots..what he doesn’t know is how much I’ve spent over the years and I feel he would rather not know..I would always think to myself I’ll blow today’s earnings because I’ve still got X amount to make this month..and I did it the point where I was returning bills to play again and becoming more in and my partner had a lot of ups and downs over the years with his infidelity..I’ve spent the last 6-7 years gambling, on and off..blocking myself from websites, only to find after a certain time I could go back on.. chasing my losses..I dreaded every weekend being off because I knew fridays wage would be paid on Saturday and I would blow it even before the kids had woken up..sat there praying for a game bonus as my money ran down playing 3€ spins with my last 50..I’ve not been motivated to do anything on a weekend with my kids, not even play so much..I felt detached..

I’m honestly really glad I’ve found this page, I signed up for Gamban, I’ve just finished my free trial and for the few € that it will cost me per month is nothing in comparison to what I’d be blowing on a weekly basis..the day I made this post I had blew my last money, it’s been 7 days since then and yes I’ve tested a couple of times a few sites but it comes up with nothing, I read review that it can be uninstalled but for some reason I don’t feel the need’s nice just knowing I have that block! What I don’t see won’t entice me..

it’s Sunday today, this weekend I’ve enjoyed my time with my kids..we’ve chilled, watched TV and played. For the first time in years I’ve felt content, I hope it stays like this ♥️ Thank you again everyone..7 days and going strong x

Posted : 18th April 2021 12:53 pm

3 weeks and going strong..checking in helps me see my progress..I’m saving now, I’m paying my bills and I feel good!!

Posted : 2nd May 2021 2:30 pm
Forum admin

Dear @whyme87,

congratulations on 3 weeks gamble-free. So pleased to hear how much recovery has already improved your life.

Keep up the good work and keep sharing.

Wishing you all the best,


Forum Admin

Posted : 2nd May 2021 3:07 pm

Thank you so much I feel so good for now! 

Posted : 2nd May 2021 3:10 pm
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