Gutted,

Jenilee, you are not hopeless, you are not worthless, you are a victim of greedy money making who get knighthoods for preying on vulnerable people. My son is in the same dark place as you and I feel your pain, addiction is not a stigma and you should not feel ashamed. Open up to those nearest to you, seek help and be positive, please. xx

Hi Jenilee,

your not worthless. You have a lot to contribute and a lot of life to enjoy. Gambling is a horrible addiction and the hardest challenge I’ve had in my entire life. The day I started to recover was the day I admitted defeat and vowed not to chase my losses. I realised gambling had beat me in the battle but I was determined to win the war by stopping!

i think about gambling every second of the day but what drives me on to stop is the hurt I’ve caused to others and the damage I’ve impacted to those I love.

I’m 95 days  gf and have stopped feeling worthless.

you can do it!!

c

Hi Jenilee

I’m sorry to see you back on the site not doing very well. I don’t know if you remember me from a few years ago but back then I often checked in on your diary and posted on your diary. Needless to say, like you, I have found myself back on the site since then after a number of attempts to give up. I looked up your diary and had seen you hadn’t posted since 2017 and hoped things had worked out for you, especially with your partner and your long distance relationship. I know that was super hard for you. Are you still in a long distance relationship?

You need to remember you are not worthless or a horrible person. If you take the gambling away, I am one of the most caring, considerate people and I am sure you are too. I often wonder if that’s part of the issue; trying so hard to please everyone else, keeping them happy and in the process neglecting yourself and what makes you happy. It sounds like you are near rock bottom with the gambling so now is the time to get back up and focus on you, what you want and need. Make yourself the priority and remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. 

Sending a virtual hug.

Bex

Thank you. I will respond more when I am not working. But your kind words mean a lot.

I am scared cuz I am so broke that may not have enough til payday. ?

But at least I have food so luckier than some. Still hard to believe I did this to myself. 

Feels like when in the casino I am possessed by the devil, who causes me to further devastate my life by gambling like crazy. Feel like I'm going crazy.

Dear Jenilee,

Thank you for coming back to the Forum to share your experiences. There have been some supportive posts in response to yours, which I hope you are finding helpful.

I would like to re-iterate what other forum users have posted; you are not hopeless, and you are not worthless. Gambling can cause lots of different emotions and others who are experiencing similar journey's also often report feeling as you do; feeling like they are hopeless, worthless and going crazy. I want you to know that you are not alone in having these feelings, and that help, and support is available to you, not only from other forum users but also from us.

I am glad to hear that you have food available to you. Self-care is important during recovery and eating is part of that self-care. It can be very scary when gambling leaves us with financial difficulties and this is why we recommend you put strategies like self-exclusion into place. I also wonder if you have been able to gain any advice on finances from Citizens advice ( https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ ), as this may also be helpful.

You have been doing very well over the years and I want to encourage you to continue in your recovery, as recovery is possible for everyone. Recovery in the long run is about creating a lifestyle change and it’s about understanding your own trigger situations and either to learn to cope with these constructively or to learn how to avoid them.

Please do call us on Helpline 0808 8020 133 or the Netline and you can talk through how you’re feeling and what support is available one-to-one with an adviser to be able to continue your recovery.

Best Wishes

Forum Admin

Hi 

I completely get where you're coming from. 

I like to think of myself as a normal hard working family lady. I don't drink I don't do drugs and I'm pretty down to earth and easy going. 

However there is the gambling side to me. When I'm gambling like you I turn into some kind of devil. I go on turbo spin and just keep hitting that button. It's like I'm on another planet, in a different world to everyone else and in some kind of gambling trance. And only when every penny has gone and I step away from the machine do I wake up and my world comes crashing down. 

I really appreciate for the above article I got much knowledge for from the Citizens advice, Thanks to being there to make it easy for us<a href=" removed link " target="true">.