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Does this ever get any easier?  

 
cd1994
(@cd1994)

Hi All

Been on here a few times I find it an amazing tool and I appreciate all the help I have received. 

I have been gambling for 9 years since I turned 18 and have lost in the region of £20,000. I was born into horse racing and it’s a passion of mine and that comes with gambling. Problem is as we all know you don’t ever win gambling and if you do it’s short lived as your just winning losses back and it all goes back on. 

I struggle everyday with my losses. What I could have bought with the losses or saved the money. I have no debt and savings but that does not make it any easier. My question I suppose is does this get any easier in time trying to put the losses behind you? As currently it hurts a lot it’s all I think about. 

I never wanted it to get this out of hand and to be honest never knew I had lost that much until recently. I’m constantly reminded of this daily for example today my mam was talking about how expensive it is to get a garden fence replaced at her home and I sat and thought that’s what I could spend on a gambling binge in a weekend for example it’s scary. 

Any help and advice appreciated. 

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Posted : 5th November 2020 12:27 pm
SJAnon
(@sjanon)

Hi there 

In short, yes it thankfully does get easier! I'm 95 days GF today and I go days without thinking about it- about what I used to do and how much I've lost.

Tbh the starting point for me was mentally writing off those losses, but then crucially allocating a notional amount to each day that passed with no gambling. So say if that was just a tenner a day, that's nearly a grand saved to date by not gambling.

So that really flips it for me and helps me see how while I can never get that money back, my finances are in a much better place through not gambling. In reality I probably lost much more than a tenner a day, but you get the idea.

It's not just financially tho, mentally I'm much healthier as I don't have anything weighing over my head. Not sure if u kept secrets from others but I did, and that does take its toll over the years.

Take it day by day, but you will have to come to terms with not getting that money back. However in the long term you'll earn much more than that and of course with 0% being spent on gambling you'll be in a much better place overall.

I've been able to buy a few things for people which is a novelty and made me feel good. I also gave away some money given to me for my birthday- I realise I've taken so much over the years so it's time for me to give back and not be as selfish. I like the feeling of using my money to buy things for others versus down the plug hole of an online bookies- it's a very visible way of how things are better in my life now.

Best wishes and keep going with it.

SJC 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 5:55 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@cd1994 about two months ago you asked a similar question about getting over losses. A lot of people responded, myself included, offering advice. I asked then if anything anyone said helped. 

What did you think of the responses then?

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 7:43 pm
cd1994
(@cd1994)

@sjanon 

 

Thanks very much for the reply. That is what I need to start by getting over the losses. It sounds like you are getting on top of this so very well done. I hope within time I can make progress. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 7:57 pm
cd1994
(@cd1994)

@chris-uk

Apologies Chris believe me I took all the advice on board like I said this forum really helps me. I’m on here most days to read people’s posts etc. 

I took the advice on board but I’m still really struggling to get over these losses and move on. Like I said I hope with time I get there. I need too before I let it ruin my life. 

Regards 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 7:58 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi cd1994, I totally understand how you feel about the losses but if you don't let it go it will continue to haunt you and stall your recovery. I don't want to patronize you but you have 2 big positives you are young and not in any debt try to focus on that. You can recover from this and if you stay away from gambling there will be no more losses,keep blocks in place and your guard up and stop beating yourself up, your future can be bright

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 8:39 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@cd1994 Okay, let me see if I can help you.

Are you still gambling? 

When did you have your last bet?

Is it £20,000 you are down over the last 9 years?

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 10:27 pm
cd1994
(@cd1994)

@chris-uk

Thanks Chris

I am still gambling unfortunately. Nowhere near what I used to. Just in the bookmakers on horse racing I am blocked online. Yes that is £20,000 down in the last 9 years about that I’d say looking at figures from old online accounts. Find it really hard to get over that loss. 

I even try to tell myself it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of things but I think that’s just me trying to kid myself. 

Regards 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 10:44 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@cd1994 Okay, so struggling to get over your losses but you're still gambling. That's a bit of upside down logic. Like me on a diet complaining I'm over weight while eating another jam doughnut!

You will be surprised at how quickly you can start saving money by not gambling and suddenly having savings means it's easier to get things done, so in the case of your mums fence, by not gambling but saving your wages, you'd be able to help your mum with some costs. Suddenly the losses over the years don't seem so bad because you are moving forward with your life and leaving the past behind. At the moment you are still living that life that is 90% in the past.

The other thing you could try is stop gambling, or at least try with the various ways that are possible, and put your losses down to a membership fee. If you had a season ticket for a football team, of say £700 a year, after nine years would you say you were down £6300 or would you put it down to a cost of being a fan?

What about how much you've spent on beer and weekends out over the last 10 years? Do you count that as loses or just part of living? Maybe you could do the same with your gambling. Put it down, get some help, and just put the losses down as a cost of being a gambler, much like a season ticket is a cost of being a footie fan.

What I can tell you is that unless you find a way to accept it, stop gambling and move forward, you will use those losses as an excuse to carry on with it, and if you're like me, I couldn't stop until I had lost it all, and not just money, but my job, my house, my family, my pride, my reputation and my freedom. Given a choice, I'd swap having lost some money in the past with all those things. My point I suppose is there is so much more to lose.

I hope you find the thing that helps you. 

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 11:10 pm
cd1994
(@cd1994)

@chris-uk

I know exactly where you are coming from believe me. It sounds stupid but I think I’m actually scared of life without gambling.

 

I totally agree with you I am living 90% in the past if not more. That goes for other things in my life I constantly look back with regret instead of trying to move forward.

 

That is also the technique I’ve been trying to tell myself but instead of with a football season ticket just the cost of being a horse racing fan. Horse racing is a passion of mine not just for the gambling side but it’s a passion for me. I keep telling myself see it as basically paying for a share in a horse over a year but I’d be happier if it was £1000 a year I’d lost not £2000 a year as not many hobbies cost £2000 a year.

 

I don’t really go out much, not nearly as much as my friends etc which is probably down to the gambling so I see that as a positive I haven’t spent that much on beer or nights out.

 

Thanks so much for the advice though and I commend you for being so open with you’re own battle with gambling.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th November 2020 11:42 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Cd

It gets easier when you do a proper recovery which you dont seem ready to do yet.

You talk about passion in the horse racing world as if its your destiny. Its all built up around gambling...the investors, the breeders, the jockeys trainers but the poor punter is the target to keep the whole sharabang going

Personally I would rather see a fine looking horse in a field or  galloping free. I couldnt care less about racing them around a track. I suspect most punters are just addicted to the gambling feeling and most of them are just picking an unusual name or colour of the jockeys shorts.

Focus on what you have lost...thats the result of your addiction to gambling...give it up...its not for you.

You need reality and you should be telling people close you have a problem.

You are trying to keep yourself in a comfort zone and thats clear in how you are writing things down. You are worried but also trying to justify it at the same time...Thats a stage we all went through.

Do you see what you are doing?...mentioning football season tickets and you havent been out much for a beer...you are trying to tell us you have at least saved money in other areas....inference being well its ok if I have a little gamble then.

Yes going to football is pricey but they are not completely chucking money down grids like you are gambling

It gets easier when you stop trying to justify it with a comfort blanket wrapped round you and face your unhealthy mind.

It gets easier with support to do the cold turkey..when you realise you wont be able to do it any more your mind starts healing and you realise its not square or nerdy to be gamble free.

I would stop you and save the rest of your money...the question is are you truly ready to accept that and not fight it

You will find that most gamblers are scared of themselves. they are scared to admit the are lonely depressed or empty. Thats why they are scared of life without their escape addiction...gambling, heavy drugs overeating, smoking, drinking, shopaholics etc etc

Many things are on the scale of addiction but very little is as dangerous as gambling. I cant think of much else that can empty a bank acount in seconds

A gambling addiction is a drug addiction. we are not saying you are stupid as its not an issue of intelligence...you are hooked on the expectation drug wrapped up in chasing your extensive losses.

Let it go gently....its a mugs game....mainly a tax on the poor and the lucky clover dreamers.

Abstain put the blocks on a get help...life is much better gamble free.  have money and it mounts up

You need to tell your mam what you have been up to....not let the thoughts and secrets eat you up that you could have bought her 20 garden fences and still have had money left over. The secrets will eat you up....openness and honesty is what you need.

Inside you know that gamblers are not popular with non gamblers...thats for a good reason

If you deal with reality you have less time to wonder what might have been...action not thoughts! I spent 10 months in your state of mind after joining the forum...dont let this go on

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th November 2020 3:32 am
Chris100
(@chris100)

It does get easier I’m only on day 6 with no gambling atall!! I’ve made a plan I know I will be completely debt free come February the 25th aslong I don’t gamble this is something for me to work towards and having a plan makes it easier over the years I’ve spent over 100k on gambling borrowed about 50k from my parents im in a job which I earn about 70k a year my point is I can save that money over 4/5 years but I know for a fact if I gamble I will never ever save that money 

 

do it for your family the reason I’m doing it this time because I finally heard my parents say all they want for the rest of there life’s is me to beat this how can I now now?? Make a plan bookies are closed for a month as of lockdown if your blocked online use this month to work on yourself I’m only 6 days in so I’ll be doing exactly same!! Make a plan you can beat it 

 

believe me you can save 20k in a few years if you focus 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th November 2020 8:11 am
maxmaher
(@maxmaher)

it gets easier the longer you go into abstinence as the urges arent as strong

but it then becomes harder to focus and stay motivated many end up gambling again at milestones like 3 months , 6 months a year etc

its very easy to become complacent 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th November 2020 12:11 pm
Trace27
(@trace27)

I'm not a gambler but I am the wife of one. At 27 which I presume you are, and 20k down you have acknowledged you have a problem. At your age, my husband was around the same amount down, then he had maybe a 6 month 'good spell' followed by another 25yrs of continuous loss. He is currently at around the £98,000 mark, he has completely destroyed me as a person and got us into so much debt you wouldn't believe. We've been without food, electricity and gas all because he would blame me for everything and never admit he had a problem. For your own sake and the people around you as well, get the help that is available to you now and turn your life around while you're still young with no debt. There is absolutely no point at all in dwelling on your losses. If I gave a single minutes thought to what my husband has put us through and the actual amount he's taken from our family it would send me completely over the edge. I continue to put his every loss behind me because its so pointless looking back. Shudda, wudda, cudda..... What's the use? You really are still very young, turn your life around, move on and be happy, because all that gambling lark will ever bring you is sadness and pain believe me. Good luck 

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Posted : 7th November 2020 6:18 am
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