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Does it get easier?  

 
LC957X
(@lc957x)

42 days gamble free. DMP set up - paying back creditors and partner that bailed me out. Managed to even save some money for a rainy day. So why does the novelty of not gambling wear off? The buzz of doing well has wore off and the urges to gamble are back. I can't because of gamstop but I just feel so deflated. I keep reading stories on here to try and keep my mind off it but it's so tough. I look at all the money I've saved and think I could be sensible with that and stick £20 on the bingo - please tell me theres other people that feel this way?? 

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Posted : 28th May 2019 9:00 pm
A 9
 A 9
(@alan-135)

42 day's of not gambling is no mean feat so be proud of yourself for that alone :)) .

Trouble is in my humble opinion we all have that " Yippeeeeeee " moment when we first stop and you pretty much get the same rush as the gambling used to give but just like when gambling you brains saying " What next " I want more of that feeling " and there we are all deflated again ? . 

I used to do many things when the old thoughts would turn up in the early day's and that especially meant spending a lot of time here talking to others that had walked in my shoes , learning as I went and finding out about why my addiction kept me in action for so long .

I'd also look back at all my early post's ...... the ones from when I turned up not knowing where to turn and in a pretty messed up state of mind where I'd been happy one minute to crying my eyes out feeling like an utter disgrace for everything I'd done the next ? . 

It was always a cold hard reminder of why I was here and more importantly why I needed fixing as none of my thoughts were at all normal :(( . 

"Does it get easier " you ask ............. absolutely it does is my personal answer but you do have to do your time and work at it to get to that point as there's no shortcuts in our world .

You've stopped the rot now and sorted a few things out but the thought of not gambling ever again can be a very scary prospect, I know it was for me and had I not dealt with thing's in segments and one day at a time I'm pretty sure I'd have gone back at some point but I haven't and with a few yrs under my belt now I can honestly say how great life feel's again , which I'm sure if you stick with that plan you had when you turned up battered and bruised 42 day's ago you'll find out for yourself :)) .

Keep yourself busy is my suggestion ? , anything and everything that occupies your mind will clear the way for new thoughts and also keep your mind from wandering too much . 

All the best for now and keep posting 🙂  

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th May 2019 9:42 pm
NeverEverAgain
(@nevereveragain)

Hi  LC957X

Well done for being 42 days gamble free. That's a great achievement. Setting up a DMP and paying back your partner are great achievements too as is managing to save some money for a rainy day. You really should congratulate yourself for doing so well!

Just remember why you are in debt and the embarrassment/guilt you probably felt when you had to borrow money from your partner due to your gambling habit.

I'm in recovery myself. I'm in the very early stages and I too had to set up a DMP, I owe my husband money as well as my parents. Gambling has truly turned my life upside down in many ways. Not only financially and emotionally, but in many other ways too.

I have literally gambled away my financial security and stability. My life turned around in a very short space of time. I was financially free with savings and within the last year, I have become heavily in debt with no financial buffer, and I've wrecked my credit rating at the same time. 

I am going to start my own blog very soon as I do feel it will be cathartic to do so. I know it sounds strange, however, I'm trying to see the silver lining and view this as a life lesson that I will hopefully never ever repeat! I am trying to be more grateful for the small things in life. The love and support my husband, parents, friends and even colleagues have shown has been truly amazing and makes me feel very lucky indeed. 

Anyway enough about me. Try to focus on the things you are grateful for in your life and realize that gambling brings nothing but misery and negative feelings in the long term. Yes, you may get a short term buzz and dopamine rush, but it really isn't worth it in the long term. It isn't even worth it in the short term. Do you really want to wake up the next day and having that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach again? Do you really want to be scared to check your bank statement as you'll see multiple gambling transactions? We are very good at living in denial as gamblers / ex-gamblers. The truth will always come out eventually. You can only lie to yourself (and others) for so long. 

It really is an awful, soulless, utterly destructive addiction. Please keep reminding yourself of that. You really have done so well so far! Keep up the great work and treat yourself to a massage, nice food or something else you would appreciate or enjoy! And yes...you really do deserve it! 

This post was modified 3 months ago 2 times by NeverEverAgain
ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th May 2019 11:23 pm
signalman
(@signalman)
Posted by: LC957X

I look at all the money I've saved and think I could be sensible with that and stick £20 on the bingo 

But could you just stick £20 on the bingo?

Always ask yourself - what if that £20 goes bust straight away... What would happen then?

Well you know what would happen... Hence youve had to setup a DMP...

I'm not saying beat yourself up each time you want to gamble, but just try and look at things realistically each time you get the urge... ie reminding yourself that you (like the rest of us on here) cannot regulate our gambling... Just stay off a bet until the fruits of your labour start to flourish in your life then urges, along with the 'struggle' - slowly start to subside and this makes way for serenity and peace.

But don't forget to keep working on your recovery and keep your guard up at all times.

Don't rush now... Let the days add up some more and then let the clean time do its work.

Gamblers are impatient people 😉 keep the faith in this journey you're on

 

This post was modified 3 months ago 4 times by signalman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th May 2019 11:56 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi

Yes it does get easier and you should reach a stage where you wonder why you ever did it. Gambling will seem more distant and you will think why would I do that.

Talk it through. Gambling and sensible and not two words that ever go together. Its the most irresponsible thing you can do with noney short of just chucking it down a roadside drain.

Bingo is no soft option. It is pure gambling and Im sure you have better things to do with your money. Write down again what gambling actually did to you...that is the reality.

What you are craving is the drug of playing but it was ruining your finances and your mental health.

The answers lie within you. Why are you bored of a normal day? There are plenty of things to do but you havent got the spark. What will give you the spark to go and do something worthwhile?

Enjoy the simple pleasures in life. You need a new relationship with money that doesnt control you. Ask yourself why you became bored with what money can buy you?

Yes you can be sensible with money. Why would you give  your hard earned money away to the gambling dens? What were they really offering you but a drug of expectation.

You get through this by talking with people close and finding who you are again

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 3 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 29th May 2019 12:06 am
Senikartu1118
(@senikartu1118)

i start gambling from this site ** and i lost so many money from this site, please anyone tell me how i stop gambling 

 

*edited by GamCare, see Forum rules

This post was modified 3 months ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th May 2019 5:39 am
Xenedra
(@xenedra)

Hiya,

I'm 78 days in. And it does get easier. But it’s still hard. I’m on here today because I have some terrible cravings today. I know why. All my bills paid, treated myself yesterday to some new homeware bits. But I feel I want more. 

I have a DMP, some savings and I agree, the buzz of success in this area can be short lived. Sensible isn’t what makes us compulsive gamblers after all. 

We all just have to keep going. One foot in front of the other, probably for the rest of our lives. But my new house things and my savings jar keep me going. It beats debt collectors, anxiety and the look on my families face when we can’t have anything because the money is all gone. 

🙂

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th May 2019 10:20 am
DeterminedDan
(@determineddan)

Does it get easier? Yes and no would be my answer. 

Yes, in the sense that once you get over that initial few weeks whereby you’re trying to break the habit of a lifetime, things do start to become more ‘normal’. You force yourself to get into some kind of a routine whereby gambling doesn’t exist. You take on new hobbies and rekindle old interests. You work towards stabilising your finances and take great pride when you reach personal milestones. Gradually gambling begins to leave your thoughts and you start to think about it less and less as time goes on. 

However, when those thoughts do come into your head, for me, those urges are quite strong. It’s like you’ve completely forgotten what gambling has reduced you to in the past. Because you’ve not been thinking about it minute after minute, it becomes a novelty again in your mind when you do think about it.

I’m roughly 6 months into my GamStop (of a 5 year exclusion) so I know I won’t be gambling excessively any time soon, but the urges do still exist. Thankfully for me (I say ‘thankfully’) my urges are only sports related, I have no desire to rush to the bookies to play on slots/roulette etc. I’ve begun to see those for what they are, even more so now after the desperate measures they’ve implemented with the new £2 style roulette. 

My advice would be to hang in there and take this recovery on a daily basis. I try not to think of my recovery from gambling as a punishment or as something I continue to fight against. 

I don’t think about a future without gambling because I think for me that would be too much to take in and accept. Maybe others would disagree, but I would argue, and always have done, that compulsive gambling is a spectrum. Others will be far more compulsive than I’ve ever been and would need to take on those drastic measures of telling themselves they can never gamble again, and there will be some who would consider me to be more compulsive than them etc. It’s what mindset works best for you. 

That’s not to say I envisage gambling again in the future. I’m hopeful that one day I’ll be so immune to a gamble free existence, that it’ll almost feel natural to not think about having a bet. But I’m trying to keep my targets short term and more importantly, realistic. I don’t see the point of putting myself under enormous pressure to say to myself that I MUST abstain from gambling for the rest of my life. I’m actually enjoying the time away from gambling and enjoying building up my gamble free time. My recovery is one of enjoyment, rather than immense difficulty, which I suspect is the case for some on here.

Embrace the fact that you’ve come so far and set yourself small, manageable targets. Before you know it, you’ll have reached one whole year gamble free and those gambling thoughts may fritter away into the past. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th May 2019 12:15 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

Good question in deed.

The recovery program was going to help me heal from my pains.

Yet if we understand recovery fully when in the recovery program we do not just heal from recent pains but also heal our hurt inner child.

If the recovery program was going to help me heal are we talking about most recent pains.

For me I had got in to the unhealthy of burying and suppressing my pains and trauma during my addiction and obsessions period.

Yet once we stop hurting our self, for me only then can I Heal from my past.

With each pain in my life came fears I did not understand.

Once I got more and more accountable to myself could I start opening up  to other people.

Did I cry in meetings, yes I did and over time my tears would help me wash and dilute my pains.

Today I understand that as I heal my pains my strength got stronger.

Yet recovery requires us to invest lots of time and effort in to every thing we in and out of teh rooms or recovery.

The question today am I a talker or a walker.

Have I written down my needs today, have I written down my wants today, have I written down my goals today, have I stopped being the victim.

Have I stopped being the perpetrator today.

Have I exchanged unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Have I reduced my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations people life and situations I was hurting myself.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham

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Posted : 3rd June 2019 1:56 am
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