It’s been a long time since I posted on any of the forums and not really sure how I ended up here. I haven’t had a bet in almost 5 years now but I’m still really struggling with the feelings of self hatred over what I did.
I keep thinking things might have been better if my wife had kicked me out or punished me somehow, rather than the daily feeling that I am hiding this massive secret.
To be honest I haven’t thought too much about gambling again, it’s just the guilt of leaving me and my family up to our necks in debt and what we could have done with the extra money if I hadn’t been so stupid. However it’s also a hatred of the bookmakers and the credit card companies that they didn’t have anything in place to stop me getting so far in trouble.
I know you can’t gamble using credit cards now but what about those of us that are paying them back over 10 years, doesn’t seem fair.
Does anyone else still feel this way so far down the line? Don’t know who to talk to as my wife is basically the only one that knows, and I honestly feel I can’t open up to her about it.
We make sense of the present by the experiences of our past so of course, that loss will be feeling profound for quite some time. You will need to teach yourself a bit of positive thinking. What if anything good came out of this? Are you a stronger person today? Depressions can be slightly addictive as well. It is important to carry strength with the experiences you have had. No amount of dwelling is going to bring any money back and no path leads backward. You need to move on and put it behind you. Decide that you will and you can.
I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for drawing a line in the sand with your gambling when you did and not going back to it. Very hard not to dwell I agree with you there. I don't practice what I preach with myself a lot of the time and looked at lost money, time, opportunities (single, late 30s, struggle month to month in rented accom). Feel I should and would have accomplished a lot more in my life but for my addiction.
I am still paying back debts from years ago that always follow me. I try to be positive and everytime I pay a bill that wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for gambling. I use it to remind me that I did and will always have a problem. Not only do you lose your money at the time. You lose future earnings as a knock on effect. Stay strong and push on
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