About what should have been. I hate gambling. I especially hate the government entities that make it legal. I never gambled a day in my life before the age of 38. I went with some friends to Vegas and had the curse of a quick and immediate win. Makes it seem so easy!?
Then the quick win came in sports gambling. Gambling has shredded my life. The losses are so great and I feel ashamed. When people say that it is a disease…it makes me feel like I am disrespecting people with cancer and other diseases.
I am done with gambling. I never want to feel as horrible as I did when I lost at gambling. I get the high notes from plenty of other things these days. Exercise, visiting with friends and family, being in nature, sightseeing, etc. All of that being said, I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. The financial impact is never negated. My ex and I now run two different households with the same amount of money. My kids are missing out on about 4K/month because of it all. I just despise myself for not realizing it and stopping myself. I guess that’s just my ego talking. Sometimes I don’t want to be alive now, though. This is my legacy. I’m ashamed.
Look not to the past with regret, but to the future with hope. You can turn things around. Stay positive.
No point dwelling on the past, even though it feels natural to do so.
Like you, I was into my 30s before I developed an issue. Lockdowns and online bets and poker and all kinds of things were my go to. The problem is I don't want to tell people o have a gambling issue, but then friends will still act as though I want to do it because they don't realise there is such a problem.
The fact is all we can do is focus on now. All we can do is focus on who we will become, not on who we were.
Been there several times. Being a compulsive gambler is for life and it won’t go away. It’s seems being a compulsive gambler we are not happy until we have lost everything. I never in my life did I think gambling would affect my mental health in the way it did. You have to stay strong and don’t look back at the past. Don’t forget it but don’t let it affect your future. Stay strong and wake up every day remembering yourself you are a compulsive and cannot gamble in anyway.
StartingAgain87, i love it when you said, "All we can do is focus on who we will become, not on who we were."
that is great advice. thanks.
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