I am 32, lucky to be employed, married with a lovely wife and child on the way.
I spend all my spare time gambling on live roulette and have become isolated from everyone that loves me and everyone I love.
I am about 110k in debt through gambling and it needs to stop. I last gambled on 1st May.
my goal is to once again become debt free and be happy.
has anyone else gone more than a year hiding a secret gambling problem from their loved ones?
hopefully if you can relate to stories you will get in touch.
thanks for reading.
Welcome to the Gamcare forums and for sharing your story.
I think most of us on here can relate to your story. We have all been in that hole at some stage. You seem to have a successful life, with your family and being self employed. Unfortunately the debt is there and will need to be paid back, unless you go down the route of IVA removed link
There are charities that you can talk to about this, Stepchange being one, and /or citizens advice.
You have taken the first step, admitting you have a problem with gambling and that takes a lot. These days my bills are paid and I can look at my online statement after a night drinking and know There wont be any gambling transaction. You can be there one day too!
9 years ago I would sit in a rented room, drinking black coffee and eating dry toast, waiting for pay day. This evening Im sat at my desk helping where I can, drinking banana milkshake and about to eat chicken curry 🙂 believe me, chicken curry is much much nicer than toast.
You can do it one day at a time. You are welcome here and I look forward to hearing from you going forward!
Yes, I can and eventually reality comes down hard and kicks you in the behind. I made roulette my reality but it is a game that will eventually drive you mad. Even the guy who created it went crazy. You can get crazy rewards, crazy losses and crazy amounts of time spent chasing after money that you actually think is small even if it is an extreme amount in others eyes. It makes you and it breaks you. I could talk amounts but admins do not like that here. I will say I have spent a six-figure amount on it in my journey and I do not say that with any pride.
Is there a trick to stop? Yes block, block and block everything. As long as you can. Then get some distance because when you are close to it you have no good or sain memories to it. You must get out of the environment you are in and try something different. Now that is not easy in lockdown but you can at least block phones and laptops. For me, I started studying. I have an NLP license. I will soon have a hypnotherapy license and my aim is to start practice this year so I can help myself while helping others. Get busy. If you wait you won't feel like it. That is how we are designed. You may feel like sh.t now but we addicts have a way of turning hope into something that can cure terminal cancer until we get hit with a new loss and a new low. So change comes by personal action and doing things we normally never consider doing. Do I think we can get well? We can certainly change our behaviours for other behaviours. The trick is not to be stuck in past memories that keep us from repeating what we do but it demands hard work and effort. Last but not least. Do not spiral into the abyss. You may think that you are living in the rounders movie and you want the last rake against Freddy KGB but that is not how this goes. The reality is that we create so much sh.t because we are dopamine focused that we crash. Then we become aware and want to do terrible things because we don't know what we do. Focus. Take responsibility and start to believe and love yourself. IF you start to like yourself good things will start to happen. In the Hawaiian healing called hó oponopono, they use a cleaning mantra. I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me and thank you. All of those words are directed to your subconscious so that you can clean memories. They repeat this stuff again and again and it is all directed at yourself because any change that needs to come must come from you and you must take responsibility to enable any changes that you experience. It is about changing your personal data. If you want to get busy with other things look up zero limits with dr Vitale. It is an interesting read.
Never give up never surrender and don't forget love yourself. No one else will unless you love yourself first.
All the best
Today I don’t feel like gambling tbh which is such a relief but that won’t last.
this is your first hurdle ......its very easy for a gambler to come here after a big loss or destructive session and repent their sins swearing never again to engage is such foolish behaviour
unfortunately after a few weeks this "new you" wears off and you are left craving the buzz again you start telling yourself "my luck must of changed by now"
apart from it hasn't and you go back to square one again apart from this time you decide its easier to just carry on the cycle than commit to another attempt of abstinence
controlling compulsive gambling is a life long commitment it is extremely difficult to stay on the wagon ......probably more so than any other addiction as its so accessible and can be done so quietly
you need to get your partner up to speed and quickly tell her for the next year not to trust a word you say regarding gambling or finances she needs to be on red alert just as you do
Good luck with everything. You aren’t alone in this.
make sure you put those blocks in place sooner rather than later as there will always be the temptation of ‘just one more’ at the moment otherwise.
Speak to your wife if you can, and tell her everything. You need support and help to get through this and she may well be able to do that (though there are no guarantees she will be able or willing to support you). If not, seek help in someone else you can confide in or contact Gamcare. They really are great.
I remember feeling that I was mourning a loss when I quit gambling for good. It’s so hard. And there’s days where willpower isn’t enough to control the compulsion so you need those blocks and accountability in place.
I was five years of compulsive gambling, with many failed attempts to stop. You can do this. Take the steps and put the blocks in place of you can.
all the best and keep posting on here if you can as the community is so supportive.
Hi yes I relate I love my life apart from when I'm gambling. Started off as a bit of fun but it's just not fun anymore. I only play slots and have lost £1000 tonight. I feel so upset but I have just self excluded and hoping to get some support on here. I've been chasing losses. I did get my losses back and was pretty much even, still down a little bit but so much better. Sadly I have ruined that again by being greedy and wanting more.
I dont have any advice for you as such but I feel the same.