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signalman
(@signalman)

Hey

So sorry to hear what's happened. I feel your pain like it was my own :o( as do most others on here. You're not alone in what's happened to you, trust me on that.

So you have a severe gambling problem and it's needs addressing. Please understand that. 

"You guys won't believe this but I put the bet on something totally random, tennis related and it won. But I'm not going to bet anymore after today"

See this comment here? This is testimony to your illness. Bless you, if it were this easy then gamcare wouldn't be in existence and gambling addiction wouldn't be a deadly (yes deadly) and devastating disease. 

You can beat this. If you do it the right way, not your way...

"I've decided to have one final bet then stop forever, whatever happens. I know it's stupid but it's in my nature"

Your nature needs redefining. You can only do this through healthy actions from here. Do you understand where I'm coming from. You need to reconfigure your nature from here...

Give the loan back. I did exactly the same thing (I took 3 large loans out before my credit rating plummeted - then I gave them back... Thank the lord I did)

She's probably going to find out right? You can still make that deposit mate - it's just going to take longer now. You are sick with gambling so I think financial controls need to be relinquished don't you? I guess you'll need to tell her what happened and if you're serious about starting over this will give you the platform to hand over controls to her?

Gamstop, gamban, GA, GP (counselling/medication?), self-exclusion, gambling addiction podcasts (eg after gambling) - if you've truly accepted gambling has you beat then you'll look into all of these. Build up an armoury of defence before gambling comes looking for you again (it will) and causes further destruction in your life.

I promise you that you can all these horrible urges to self-destruct and destroy your life can be addressed if you're willing. Willing and motivated to do this. Don't let gambling waste any more of your life.

I"just destroyed our future for the sake of trying to make an extra hundred quid"

You're future is not destroyed, it's just f****d up for a bit - please heed my warning though when I say you are in a very vulnerable place right now and you could actually finish the job and destroy it if youre laissez-faire about the advice given to you from here on in.

Please accept this final statement as the most important - you'll only get out what you put in when it comes to recovering from gambling addiction.

Some people read about what needs doing from here and can't be arsed, or are not ready to accept gambling has them by the b***s, or some naively think they are stronger than most and can sort this out their way.

If I may be so bold to say reading the passage of time that has passed for you recently you're no stronger than any of us on here who have been knocked the f**k out by gambling, in fact you fit in perfectly round these parts.

Take the advice - give yourself a fighting chance against this terrible illness that has you. If your partner stays with you after this you have all the impetus right there to engineer an excellent recovery.

Dismiss the advice - hey, you may overcome this on your own and live a wholesome life.

Or we may hear from you a year from now and your single, living with a family member or sofa-surfing and eating a pot noodle with a tin of beans for dessert?

This couldn't happen to you?

Did you think losing 7k in a night could happen to you?

We're not blessed, we're not special... We are gambling addicts who if not careful, will destroy ourselves.

You still have a future - but take the advice and don't gamble with it from here matey.

I wish you all the best getting through this tough time, thoughts are with you.

Ps I got a message like this similarly after posting a message like yours - my response was to tell anyone who told me to fess up to do one, I fessed up in the end. Thank god I did - whether she left me or not is not the point... Telling someone else about your gambling addiction is a huge weight lifted and also serves to neutralise the thing it thrives on most, secrecy.

Take care 🙏

This post was modified 2 weeks ago 3 times by signalman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th July 2019 10:36 pm
signalman
(@signalman)

It's all about addressing your gambling addiction now brother - it's not about covering s**t up anymore ✌️

Youre probably feeling like you will never gamble again... Those feelings are all-encumbasing at the moment and will see you through for a period of time but will only get you so far, eventually much time will pass and your life will regain some stability... Those feelings will pass and unless you've actually done s**t in the interim period you'll be vulnerable again.

If nothing changes nothing changes.

Get cooking my friend.

Take care

This post was modified 2 weeks ago 4 times by signalman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th July 2019 11:25 pm
Bananaz
(@bananaz)

Thank you all. I am wide awake, heart thumping, and I won't be sleeping tonight. I accept what you say and I'm powerless to fight this alone.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new me. Hopefully with my partner by my side, time will tell.

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Bananaz
ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th July 2019 11:51 pm
AddictBen
(@addictben)

Surely your partner will see the 7k on the statement next time she logs in. I think you're best off telling her before she finds out. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2019 9:41 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

Once I put a lot of time and effort in to my recovery and handed over all of my finances and started to abstain my recovery was going to become much easier.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction.

Money was never going to heal me or heal the people I hurt.

I Have seen many people swap addictions or taken up obsessions instead of healing the inner child in them.

I did not respect myself and I did not respect money.

I have been to eleven counselors and given such in depth therapies that nearly every corner of my life has been exposed.

Only when I valued myself could I value other people.

All the time I was in my pains and hiding my pains I could not love my self or love other people.

At what point would I admit to myself that in me I had hurt inner child.

I stuck with my recovery putting more and more time and effort in to finding peace with in myself.

Just for today I will not gamble. It is a boundary I set for myself to no longer live in fear and escape and to not hurt myself any more.

The gambling were places I went to escape when I was emotional vulnerable and could not cope with people life and situations.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2019 11:31 am
Bananaz
(@bananaz)

Thanks Dave.

Yeah she found out. Went to an ATM for a statement, saw everything. Text me to ask if it was true, I said it was, and now she's ignoring my texts and calls.  That was three hours ago.

Going to find my nearest GA meeting tonight.

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2019 1:57 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

Shirley my wife told me that the pain I was causing her was not about the money it was the lies and betrayals.

It took me some time to learn to feel my pains, only then could I feel for others.

I went to meetings for my wife first of all it did not work out well for me.

Only when I was in the meetings for myself.

Only when I set boundaries just for today I will not gamble.

By attending meeting I would understand when I felt vulnerable and how to cope with my emotional urges.

The recovery program has very little to do about luck, it has every thing to do about my healthy motivated actions and my healthy motivated words.

The recovery program will help you help your self.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2019 2:04 pm
signalman
(@signalman)
Posted by: Bananaz

Going to find my nearest GA meeting tonight.

Top man. Good move 👍

Go for you and for no-one else.

Let us know how it went.

You can get through this 👍🙏

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10th July 2019 2:59 pm
Bananaz
(@bananaz)

She's told me she can't be with me just now. I can understand that. I'm ashamed to say I gambled again last night, not a huge amount. Just thought I might get lucky. I didn't. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th July 2019 5:47 pm
Smartie2
(@smartie2)

Gambling has led to collosal mess in your life, and you've now probably lost your partner but you're back at it again? 

Something needs to change buddy.

There's been some great advice on here over the last week and just think it would have benefited you if you'd maybe applied it.

Best way forward now is to admit you're powerless over gambling and if you want to give it up do everything possible to do so.

Handover all financial responsibility to someone immediately. Carry no cash. Plan trips / work commitments in advance.

Above all get to a few GA meetings this week then start a meaningful diary on here in which you can map your progress.

At this time your partner is probably better off without you and it's probably best to give her the much needed space.

Apologies for the straight talking but it's probably better to hear the truth.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th July 2019 6:25 pm
Bananaz
(@bananaz)

I did better tonight. Had a small bet, won a small amount and just walked away. In the past I wouldn't have done that. I know I have a long way to go but I feel it's a step in the right direction. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th July 2019 9:32 pm
Bal
 Bal
(@bal)

I did better cause i had a small bet.

It won so congratulations. Shall i get a medal engraved for you

I am struggling to identify why you are here as it appears you have no intention on dealing with your addiction.

Gambling v trying to get your partner back. At present there appears a clear favourite.

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th July 2019 10:37 pm
bdog
 bdog
(@bdog)

Stop gambling dude.

Its tough, but can be done. Small steps, but step one is commit to trying. Get your blocks in place. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th July 2019 12:43 am
Bananaz
(@bananaz)

Managed to not gamble so far today. Spoke to my partner and she says we can talk but the only way we have a future is if I hand over all bankcards to her and she will check transactions every day. I also have to commit to putting a high percentage of my wage towards what I lost.

I'm not sure if she's even being reasonable. But I am determined to overcome this so I'll do what she says. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th July 2019 12:26 pm
Bal
 Bal
(@bal)

Hi,

Under your current circumstances i think she is being entirely reasonable and is trying to help you.

Mrs Bal did the same to me and it lasted just over 9 months. You learn to live with the scrutiny and not having readies on you.

In reality it is a big block which can help the gambling cycle to be broken allowing you to focus on the addiction.

All in all a good start and good news.

Stay strong and no gambles today

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th July 2019 2:53 pm
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