Your other half finding out we are broke because off gambling.

Hi.. I am also a compulsive gambler. Iv'e been struggling with this problem for many years.

You have made a good statement of intent. A commitment not to gamble ever again. I have said similar things many times and really ment it in the moment and chances are you won't gamble in the immediate future, because you feel so wretched about the carnage you have caused. BUT sooner or later the immediate crisis will pass. Sooner or later you will get paid again. Sooner or later you will have access to money again. Sooner or later the raw emotion will pass and sooner or later your gambling head may start talking to you.

Remember that gambling addiction is the only addiction where further gambling can seem like the solution as well as the problem ie pay off those credit cards, try and fix things try and make things better?? It doesn't work. When iv'e tried this in the past ive just dug myself into a deeper hole and then end up gambling just for the sake of gambling.. to escape.

So, anyway, my advice. In the first instance ya gotta take practical steps to stop yourself gambling, whilst your motivated to stop eg.... register with gamstop for 5 years, install blocking software on the devices that you gamble from (Gamban is good). Give over financial control to your wife and yes be humble, be very very humble.

Welcome to the forum and your committment to want to change.

All the best

Hi Martin,

It will be hard but hopefully you and your partner will get through this. 

I was in a similar position a few months ago when I found out that my husband had been gambling for years without me knowing.  It's devastating at first. You feel as if the bottom has dropped out of your world.  I too went from rage and anger to feeling heartbroken and betrayed. 

I came to terms with things in time though and hopefully your partner will to. My husband told me about this forum and it really helped me to understand the addiction, as I knew nothing about it. 

The best thing you can do is be honest with her now. Show her you mean to change. My husband self excluded and showed me the email. We have also shared our finances so that we both see every penny that goes in and out of our accounts now. 

It has been hard but he is almost 6 months gamble free now and we are much happier. 

Give her time and prove to her that you are committed to stopping gambling. 

Good luck to you both. 

J 

Thanks for you for a honest reply  jess

Thank you s.a I've join apps and phone the bank now. I really like the idea off this forum and I really hope it helps

Apps and phoning the bank are minimal measures. Words will mean nothing. There are far stronger things you can do right now (read the advice on the forum) to restrict your access to gambling and show her you mean business.

What else are you going to do to show her you mean to stop?

Hi Martin, welcome to our club. I was exactly the same as you when my wife found out I had been gambling for 5 years and had lost over half our life savings and racked up debts on credit cards. Ironically this was the best thing that could have happened as I wouldn't have stopped if she hadn't found out and it was a great relief that my secret was out. As you say the emotions go through everything at the shock of what we have done but with the right help you can get through this. On the day I was found out I registered with Gamstop and downloaded Betblocker on my phone, both for 5 years. My wife took full control of our finances changing all online passwords and we cancelled my debit card as I knew the number off by heart. We also contacted our bank to block gambling transactions on her card incase I was tempted to use that.

What helped enormously was I spoke to a gamcare advisor, they are amazing, who arranged some counselling for me. This was really good being able to talk through the reasons for my gambling without being judged. They also arranged some counselling for my wife. For my credit card debts I now have a debt management plan with stepchange who are really good and have took a lot of pressure off these debts

All this was in June last year and I am now 9 months gamble free. I won't kid you that it's been easy, there are many ups and downs, but we are still together and slowly rebuilding our relationship and the trust that I betrayed.

The only access to money I have now is my credit card, you can't use it to gamble now, and my wife checks my spend. This is a life long illness that will always be there in the background but with the blockers in place and some honest conversations when the bad days come along I will not become complacent.

Good luck with your recovery and remember that no matter how succesful you see someone being we all started at day 1. It's what happens from there that counts.

All the best