So here again... changing a mindset

Oh I know your pain and I'm sure many many others in here do also, it's an evil voice in your head compelling you to do it. I've been around the houses trying to stop and just keep falling into the same old routine it's destroying my self esteem.  Like you I'm just not sure I can kick it for good,  I just wish there was a pill for people like us to to eradicate gambling and urges from our mind. Wishing you best of luck beating the horrible habit. 

Sam

I think when it's this deep rooted it's going to be very difficult to change us, over 30 years I've had this disease.I still trawl the internet once a week to find a way around gamstop but I've been captured twice now thankfully.

I've no idea why I did it, I know all the pitfalls, it's like I want that buzz back.I cant ever gamble again, I've got nowhere to go unless I fix my debt and save, it's something I HAVE to do or my life crumbles, yet still I flirt with gambling.

I wish I knew the secret to stopping.

Thank you both so much for your replies...

It was like looking into a mirror for both of them and I would definitely buy that pill if I could....

So Day 2 begins... not my usual routine this morning by waking up and immediately checking you tube to see what streamers have posted gambling videos... I mean how sad is that!!!

I have the same empty feeling which I get the following day whether I have lost 30 pounds or the 300 I lost yesterday... it hurts for about 2 days then it seems it fades until the next time... its complete madness that you forget the feelings after whatever loss and are able to drag yourself through it again!!! I have done this for longer than I can remember!!!

Anyway I told my husband that I had unsubscribed from all the you tube streamers to which his response was... "well I still will be watching them"... here in lies a problem... he too likes to gamble... it's something we have in common and something we have done a lot together... we have no children and few shared interests... i think he feels that this is something we do together... he does have greater control than me but has had big slips in the past also..... so it's far too selfish for me to say to him "you cant watch it"... I guess I will have to work around it.

He did however self exclude from the remaining sites that he or I could access... this was how I continued to be able to gamble online... I feel guilty because it's me that has forced him to do this... 

Will continue in second post as dog is climbing on me for walk lol

Hi 

i agree that the addiction destroys your mental health a this is as much why I have stopped as the disaster financial position.

i read the book by Allen Carr “the easy way to stop gambling” this book explain the impact of the addiction and what the Buzz / support we think Gambling gives us even though it destroys us!

i find it good to read when I get feelings to gamble as it explains these feelings and they will pass. 

It might help!

matt692

Ok so spent that walk being angry at myself... which is normal the morning after...

I will spend today avoiding you tube... not trolling the internet to try to see if I can access any sites that may be available without gamstop in place... I mean how stupid is that as they are sure to be dodgy and have the worst reputations anyway!!! 

In days to come I know I will be angry that I cant play on sites... but in the big picture this is actually ok!!!

To say I will never gamble again would be a lie... I know that... its not about that... this is about changing a mindset... mainly the access to online gambling... this is why...

We go to vegas each year and it's a place that means a lot to us and there we love to gamble... for us it is part of the experience... I can honestly say there is no way of avoiding this... so moving forward I will make this my focus... to not gamble unless on holiday and certainly not online... I managed to kick going into the bookmakers and playing the fobts so I am sure I can do that... people will read this and say its impossible to do the vegas thing and give up... I understand that but... i know if that is a commitment I make I will fail miserably... I have been through it too many times before.

Anyway day 2 will be free of gambling and free of you tube... husband is away so will spend the day doing things in the house...

Changing a mindset... finding direction.

The second post today as mind is scrambled!!! 

I haven't been on YouTube to watch streamers but the temptation has been there because at times I have been bored and mind unfulfilled... 

There have been times that I have thought without gambling what is there??? Its the one thing that I know has destroyed every aspect of my mental life and has left me feeling empty to most other things...its always been the most important thing to me and has ruined my drive to do better for myself... I wish gambling had never been a thing in this world because without it I wouldn't have the mind that I have... on the other hand it's the same with people who are addicted to anything... it just takes over...

I regret my life... yes I have had many good times but the obsession and its impact has left me deeply scarred..... if you read this and are at the beginning of your journey... then know that there is no time better than today to stop... don't go around in the vicious mental cycle that gambling brings... I feel my journey has taken far to long and is such a waste... will I ever be cured?? Will I die not knowing a life without the obsession??? I guess it's only now I can find out... it will always leave a scar... but... I hope that it will heal over time and that I can see the point of life without it being the most important thing...

I do have much to live  for a husband I love deeply being the most important...

I have so much I want to say... mainly because I am angry at myself for what I have done with my life... self pity??? Probably... I guess that's ok???

Here is to shaping a life where gambling isn't the every and only thing!!!

This is such a soul destroying addiction. But I couldn't imagine trying to fight it if my husband gambled too. That will make your journey so much more difficult and I truly wish you well. Could you not decide instead of streaming in you tube that you do something else together. Maybe go for a meal, go to the cinema anywhere that doesn't involve gambling. Have you thought about trying some counselling. Maybe some CBT might help you understand your mindset, and change the way you think of gambling. Keep up with the diary and remember to take it one day at a time. 

I agree with above, if he is knowingly gambling it will be 10 times as hard to stop.

You need to reinvent your life away from gambling.Going to Vegas yes is the wrong thing , sorry  , if you are going to go to gamble then this can never work for you.

Zero tolerance, no gambling, nothing.Giving it all up is the only way to help stop the misery.

It's very hard to do but theres no alternative I'm afraid.You need to tell him his gambling isn't helping you.

Good luck but you need to still change many things.

Posted by: Browner03

How do you change a mindset of 30 years!!! How do you see that sitting in front of a computer screen or machine for hours continually damaging yourself... knowing that you are playing roulette with your mind not just your money... knowing that the pain after a loss can leave you suicidal... yet you still do it???

 

 

 

I think its very important to find something else you can put the energy into

go back to thinking about what you enjoyed doing before gambling and then explore those avenues

time is a great healer and your mind should be able to repair itself in a couple of years 🙂

So update...

I didn't stick to logging in everyday because to be honest work has been busy...

Since my post now 3 and a half weeks ago I have not lost a penny to gambling... the complete blocks to all websites have worked and my husband has the same blocks in place so i cant use his accounts...

As for watching you tube streams i still watch these mainly out of boredom... i truly dislike the people who stream these... but there is something that still draws me in... often boredom...

These people continually paint themselves as saints and hold no responsibility for the pain they promote... they get rich from your views and sign ups... but really they do not care about the fact that it does encourage people to gamble... it is after all what they are all about... yet I know why do I still watch???

Anyway online gambling is a thing of the past for me... i won't get complacent but i am confident with the blocks in place...

I wish others who read this strength and it is possible I am sure of it....