Hi everyone. I'm 46 and have been gambling for 10 years or so. I was living in Africa and loved the roulette and texas hold em and over there they know how to look after you with drinks, food and pretty dealers that are sooo friendly.
I was making very good money and so couldwallow a 2 or 3 grand loss without too much pain and I had some big wins. I was actually very lucky and one two occasions I had a royal flush which was about a 5k win as my stakes were small.
I came back to the uk and sold my share of the business in order to semi-retire and get out of the stressfull life, bought a house with my wife and we live mortgage free in a nice 3 bed semi. Got a nice car on the drive and two happy dogs that I love to walk. Should be bliss, right? Living the dream. I hate uk casinos and didn't bother going back after 5 or 6 visits as the whole atmoshere was a bit tacky and at that point in my life I was so sure I was sooo much better than everyone else.
After two years doing very little I got bored. You already know whats coming. I started betting on the football 50, 100 150 not too much but the excitement wasn't enough so I started spinning the wheel. I span that wheel online with gusto and energy that I haven't put into anything for ages (including ahem...attention to my wife) Look at me..I'm 12k up. thats twelve thousand pounds oh my god. What shall I do with it?? Well my wife always says she fancies a cruise and I want a better car. I'm well on the way.
Last Wednesday it was a barmy 20 degrees and I was feeling like c**k of the walk with my pocket bulging. I had a lunchtime drink and switched on the laptop. Going on bck or red and doubling with my losses on a horrible 20 spin red run when I was on black. I found myself 20k down. Drank more. bet more. 50, 60, 70k down. I'm sitting on the floor crying like a baby hoping for some miracle. It didn't come but I did claw back 9.5k until they blocked my account.
I'm not destitute. I have my house and my car and a few grand but I can't tell my wife as it would break her to know her hero and champion is just another idiot. My boredom and loneliness led me to this place and the devil was only too happy to indulge my selfish greed. The perfect life that I spent 10 years carefully chipping out all went away in a 24 hr binge. I'm now applying for loans to put some money back in the savings account before my angelic wife noticies that its all gone.
I'm trying to stay positive and the only crumb I have is that I can now say I have a focus. I won't gamble to recoup it back as you know the outcome there. I will have to get a job and save it all again, little by little.
There's no-one else to blame. Just me. I can't talk about this to anyone except you guys because, well you understand. I keep fanticising that its all a bad dream, or perhaps if I cry and cry then the 'casino' will give a bit back to me or something. I realise now, 5 days later that I have to face the music. If I sound positive or even flippant, I apologize. I write in this way and indeed live my life in this way, reducing the bad things to jokes and minimising my mistakes. Shame on me. If I didn't have my wife I think I might have already given up. I can't tell her- what if she left me (and I wouldn't blame her) then I would have no reason to go on.
Fess up or borrow against the house, call in some debts owed to me and save up again, little by little and keep it all inside. I genuienly don't know what to do.
Love to all of you .
x
I'm sending one big virtual hug and a blessing for you to have a gaurdian angel to help you . I hope that you will share more and I hope that you might find someone to talk to in person or on the phone... like a hot line. These feelings need to be shared and process and healed . okay. take care of yourself. tara2
thanks tara2. i'm going to my first gamblers anon tonight in the hope that I might get some positvity. hug back.
Hi Monrovia,
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. It is very similar to most on here. Our secret addiction which we try to hide from the rest of the world. Eventually it consumes us though as you have found.
Good luck tonight with Gamblers Anon. Talking to people who have been through a similar story will help.
I know this chat medium helps me and pushes me day by day to beat my demons. Some days are good, some are great, but most are better without the thought of gambling. Keeping busy is also key.
I set myself some little goals after reading other peoples guidance, and that was to do the following;
1. Not carry a card with me so i can't withdraw money
2. Block gambling via GamStop which prevents me or even givin me teh inclination to want to gamble online as i know i am blocked.
3. Carry enough cash on me to do my daily tasks. If i fancy a coffee, i have enough with the £10 i carry.
4. Take baby steps, each day has it's own challenges.
For me, my wake up was what do i lose if i keep going down this path? My family, my son, my car, my job. All things which are extremely important to me. I feel i can stop, so will strive to stop. So far day 24 has gone by and i am feeling pretty chipper 🙂
I wish you all the best and keep visiting.
We are all rooting for you to succeed.
CJ.
Out of interest, why did they block your account ?
If you are serious about saving your life and your marriage, then register with Gamstop.
If you just want to stop losing... well you can’t, and it will get worse.
I totally get you Monrovia, it really is about ego.
Nearly everyone I've met in real life (of my age and world) who got a problem with gambling came from male ego. A need to cheat the system, a need to get paid-in-full for free, a need to feel we weren't just another joe shmoe who had to grind out the days with women moaning at us, bosses b******g at us. We were better than that. Life owed us a living! If only we could win enough money then we could prove to all those nagging wenches, all those doubters that we were actually always correct!
However, we didn't.
We never could have anyway because the buzz was always more important than reality. How much money would ever have been enough for us to stop, once we were winning?
For me, never.
What do you think?
Max
Hi Monrovia,
First of all, I am absolutely astonished at some of the comments on here.... or lack thereof... I am the survivor of a CG. He stole a lot of money from me. Go read my story to get the full picture. This has had a devastating effect on me and my financial situation. Plus I envisaged myself living a life abroad now but unfortunately, that is in ruins now. Of course, you must tell your wife. I presume that the savings are both yours. But even if they are not, borrowing to cover up your gambling losses is a recipe for disaster!! If my CG had come clean to me earlier about his problem instead of stealing my money, he might still have a loving, supportive girlfriend. As it turned out, I left him because of the lies, betrayal, deceit and stealing. I could not trust him... plus I worked out he had a problem. He didn’t come to me admitting it even though it was my money he was spending. I really don’t care about the term “ chasing your losses”. He just kept digging a bigger hole for himself.
If you go down this road of borrowing money to replace your savings, what will that achieve? More lies, deception and betrayal. Even if you get away with it, what is to stop you from gambling the loans you get...absolutely nothing. I am absolutely horrified that you can gamble that amount of money in such a short period of time which shows that you have a big problem. If your wife does find out in the future, she will feel totally betrayed. Of course she will be angry if you tell her now. But she will also come to realize that you are seriously trying to deal with your problem and she can help and support you to do that. If you don’t tell her now and she finds out down the line after more lies and betrayal... you do seriously risk losing her.
I just want to deliver a short, sharp message to all CG’s who are reading this... it’s not all about you, your self absorption and preserving the facade around your addiction. People that are close to you can get seriously hurt by your actions. Think about the consequences of your actions. I know gambling thrives on secrecy and that is a major problem. But secrecy is to the gamblers detriment at the end of the day... and creating more secrets to cover up debts created by gambling will destroy relationships. Trying to cover up what you have done Monrovia will only create stress for you and stress is always a dangerous thing for a gambler... tell your wife what has happened. It’s important that you do for the sake of your relationship and to put checks in place to prevent this happening again.
Monrovia how was your meeting? Did you go? There are many interesting points in your post. You think gamblers are idiots? You are going to borrow against the house to add to savings? You're going to keep it a secret? 70k? You've been enjoying the high life but gambling for 10 years? Compulsive gambling is an emotional illness with financial consequences. You gamble to self medicate, but you think it's boredom. You want to control. Secrets and lies, controlling the outcome, your wife. But you're not in control at all. If you borrow against the house where will that end? Unsecured loans are very different from secured. Compulsive gambling is not about money. This started 10 years ago. Amazingly you think your wife will not notice. Your behaviour is secretive, your mood is probably low. I hope you made that meeting, this is far more serious than losing 70k.
Stories like these really do intrigue me because the access to the sort of disposable income you are talking about is what most people want to attain
To then risk all that on the spin of a wheel would seem like insanity and I guess to many non gamblers I guess it is
However I am all to aware of the trance gambling can put on you and can imagine that if the money was available things could quickly spiral out of control as they have here
This is part of the reason I am so determined to put the compulsion behind me as when I eventually attain 100Ks worth of disposable income I don’t really want it to be risked on the spin of a wheel or a deck of cards
Anyway have a look around the forum to help cope with the loss and move on with your life
The most important thing to accept is that the moneys gone and its not coming back without a LOT of hard work
Hi Monrovia,
Dont want to sound brutal & unsympathetic but my guess is if you borrowed money off your horse theres a real chance youd gamble that too. CGs have no control and are incapable of handling money (myself included). Come clean and get help.
Good Luck
AL
ALN wrote: Sorry guys but am I missing something, that said I have had a drink, why has no one advised that his wife deserves to know the truth, and that by attempting to hide it i.e. by taking on debt this will just end in disaster?
M, I say this with compassion but your post comes across as someone with dilution of grandeur, as well as an element of arrogance. I'm just hoping you attend GA so that they can reaffirm the following advice:-
1. Come clean to your wife, it's her life too and she deserves to know the truth.
2. Do not take on any further debt. Believe me you will also pee this up the wall.
3. Hand over all your cards and cash, plus let your wife take control of your bank account, if she can still face living with you. Until you get your head on the right way you need to do everything you can to manage the urges.
4. Ban yourself on every internet site, and any casinos you've frequented.
5. If she's still around after the discussion, discuss a plan of action in respect of how you plan to live to your current means. Plus what you'll need to do in the future in respect of income.
6. Ensure you DRAW A LINE. The money has gone.The above is given with good intentions and knowledge of how bad it can get, you have hell of a lot more to lose and you should do everything in your power to now protect this. You need to be honest with your wife and hopefully you'll get the support needed.
GA is a must for you. You'll get the same advice as above as well as the ability to talk openly with like minded people. Who knows in a few months you may even be able to help someone with a similar story to you.
ALN
I was just reading the posts.. I agree and was going to write similiar.
Don't even dare get a loan, your wife deserves better. Your man enough to bet large sums of money then your man enough to speak to your wife and apologise to her about there not be a cruise or a new car that you are in trouble. You come clean. Give her all reign of your cash cards and you start showing her how you will make amends. You need to put in all stops, bookies and gamstop. Who you kidding here? Getting in more debt with a loan in secrecy is crazy. It's not a game hun. It's your wife's life your messing with aswell as your own.
Carry on in secrecy will destroy you. All the lies you got to remember, the stress of 2nd job, your give yourself a stroke. So own up and draw the line and start building on a life without gambling. Put the blocks in tonight.
Your human not superman she will understand if you tell her the truth.
Good luck.
Bella xx
Hi. First time I’ve posted on this site. My partner revealed he had been gambling to me a few weeks back. He told me he owed a massive amount of money. Mainly from taking out loans to cover his tracks, then have a gamble at the same time.
All I can say is please please tell your wife. And please please don’t take out any loans.
I’m still reading and learning so can’t offer much advice apart from stop the self destruction now. Tell your wife. Once you start it will be easier than you think. X
Did you deposit the sum that you claim or was it so-called “winnings” that you couldn’t bring yourself to withdraw before it all went back? So that you lost your deposit but that deposit was one of many and in time, it adds up to five, six, seven figures. CGs can’t win because they can’t stop. It’s compulsive. And had you taken the “winnings”, what then? Happily ever after is unlikely.
Gambling is an emotional problem with financial consequences. Both aspects affect your wife and you both need to seek and accept help.
CW
Hi
An interesting title Monrovia because ego(or trying to feel one) is a strong element of a gambling addiction at all levels.
After three years of reading about this addiction its sheer power to control the mind still astounds me. Ive seen stories of people gambling away millions of dollars but the money is relative to what we can source and just becomes tokens at any given moment in time to fuel the drug addiction.
I know that its not really about being idiots with selfish greed. In no way do I consider myself to be an idiot so something all powerful had consumed me and I needed that fix. A fix that grabs us and starts a vicious cycle of chasing and extinction gambling.
One point in the afternoon Im thinking I wont buy that cd because I dont really want it and will spend the tenner on something better. At a later point in the afternoon I am in a cold sweat having gambled away £1000 in machines. I cant really fill in the timeline other than I must have thought it a good idea to gamble and I obviously couldnt walk away. Im left dazed confused and feeling lower than ever
The thought process is complex and confused. I was actually clinically depressed but was living with it as if there was little wrong. I got bored of doing quote "normal" things and had in truth become very isolated. I was scared about everything and covered that with a vanity and aloofness to hide the pain
I too hated uk casinos. I had my triggers and my anti triggers deluding me that I had some control. The truth is I have never been in control over machine gambling from the age of 12 until a full abstention recovery.
You may not like my words now but you have to face up to your actions. Its hard but thats what you did with the money. Its hard to tell you as I know how you feel. However the alternative is sinking further borrowing and chasing losses. Its not a get it back later scheme and continued gambling has new lows all stored up just for you.
You will have to use every positive thought process. You owe your wife the truth. Are you ready for that?
Gamblers anonymous will be a huge focus and you will meet people from all walks of life. It gives you a serenity to focus on whats important and help others
It is a born again moment and you will heal with a proper recovery
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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