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Small relapse  

 
FrankieD
(@frankied)

Hi all

Brief backstory

Discovered online slots by accident 2017 when signed up on a site to get my son some free' diamonds ' for a game he was playing online.

Never really gambled before except odd horse bet 30 years ago.

Fast forward 2018 40k down mainly credit cards. Gamstop as soon as it came out and was within 12 months of total repayment. No relapses. A year ago seeing light at the end began dabbling non gamstop sites. Repayment period extended to back end 2022. Smelt the coffee a couple of months ago. Stopped completely and life and mind improves. Partner and son out y day all day and calmly decided would 'double my money'. New site and 200 quid later on the up down up down down down and then out they home so had to stop. Awoke this morning disappointed with myself. Self excluded site and got senses back today. 200 won't affect anything in the grand scheme and trying to take something positive away from it.

I quite enjoyed playing whilst I was playing TBH (though to some extent it was boredom as had tidied house done the shopping prepped eve meal been to the gym and had a snooze but it was still 2 hours before they were due back and had little to do) and because I was prevented when they walked through the door my mind buzzed unsettlingly until bed time.

No urges today though.

I have consumed much of the posts on here and the ones that stick with me are blocks blocks and more blocks for weaker moments as the urge passes. And change my mindset which I'm working on. A one off stint can be fun or even marginally profitable but it's impossible to easily put down when in the zone and that leads to all the problems of sleeplessness worry neglect of everything and debts which just compounds everything.

I'm trying to see the pastime as costly pointless and destructive which it is but I'm not quite there yet.

My logical brain knows the truth of it and after a 2 year absence even my primitive side can feel the benefits of abstaining completely as the urge diminishes to a peanut from an ostrich egg and patience kindness sleep health both mental and physical really do improve.

As I say excluded and I'm hoping the 200 quid is money we'll spent as it kicked me right in the ***** after my 2 month most recent abstinence and creeping complacency and its forced me to focus harder to realise its not that easy and has to be a genuine lifestyle choice as opposed to not gambling as impact ing on finances/having no money to gamble.

Money aside the whole pastime /occupation /addiction doesn't achieve anything but stress really.

Anyway. Felt I had to get that out.

Partner out running again so have an hour but reading in a few moments which doesn't mess my body and mind up.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and not nose in a phone. 

 

Quote
Posted : 18th April 2021 3:39 pm
stace123
(@stace123)

as you well no its a long journey complacnecy is the worste dont let it trick you and take the £200 kick up the a**e as a warning tht devil is still there dnt let him trick you into think uve conquored this just 1 bet to get you a bit of money ignore him and beat him glad you came to ur senses quickly well done keep it up we beat this together 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th April 2021 5:14 pm
FrankieD
(@frankied)

Thanks Stace

You're right I know that.

Wasn't committed enough or alert to blindside of addiction I think too.

Family in now so couldn't if I wanted to.

Giving way forward a lot of thought as whilst day to day is effective at the beginning when urges to continue are strong for me when dust settles I think I can dip in and out. I can't but more importantly I don't want to even try as it has brought nothing but stress and secrecy

I'm very grateful for your post.

Frank

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th April 2021 6:08 pm
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