Support us

relapsed  

 
grant_95
(@grant_95)

Hi all,

Posted on here when I was around 20/21 after my mum and dad had to bail me out of payday loans after thousands of pounds of gambling debt. that for me was rock bottom, always have had a good job and money should never have been an issue. however the usual story would grudge paying any money for anything other than a bet.

Managed to turn things around, didn't bet for years and managed to save up a house deposit and get on the property ladder, have moved jobs since and in a great job that I love. I've always been around sports as I play football and golf so the chat of a bet was never far away. couple years back I started putting on an accumulator on every Saturday before my match as it was harmless fun I thought and I was back in control. over time stakes have just gotten bigger  and gradually become more frequent. last lockdown I was introduced to poker and changing shifts at work I have had lots of free time to play. Looking back over the past year things have spiralled out of control and I am right back where I started gambling wise.

Last week has been the turning point when I have lost 8k savings in a week, one of the days I was on holiday with my girlfriend and family at a log cabin and had lost around 2k whilst I was there. the scary thing is not one of them could tell and there was no difference in my behaviour, that is the truly scary thing about this disease.

I will confess to my mum and dad what has happened and tell my girlfriend that she will need to be in charge of finances for the rest of our lives. In some weird way I'm feeling very positive as I know this could have gotten much worse. there was thoughts of taking out credit cards etc and payday loans or even remortgaging to get my losses back and that's when it has hit me. I don't want to live this life anymore and the fact is I can never have a bet as I am a complete addict.

I feel I want to turn my life around and really help others aswell battle this horrible way of life. I feel alot of others go through this in silence there whole lives and I don't want that.

This is the start of the rest of my life. apologies for the long post.

Quote
Posted : 4th May 2021 11:02 am
Foxcub
(@foxcub)

You can absolutely do it. You had a moment of weakness but don’t let it spiral more. You know how bad it could get, loans on the house, losing the house, losing everything. The savings are a drop in the ocean compared to that and you can save again. It’s an expensive lesson but take it as a reminder. You’ve got this, I know it! You can do it! 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 12:36 am
maxmaher
(@maxmaher)
Posted by: grant_95

Last week has been the turning point when I have lost 8k savings in a week, one of the days I was on holiday with my girlfriend and family at a log cabin and had lost around 2k whilst I was there. the scary thing is not one of them could tell and there was no difference in my behaviour, that is the truly scary thing about this disease.

 

 

this is peculiar statement

usually when an addict has had a big session it tends too lean into degenerate territory the physical and emotional behaviour begins to deteriorate and its plain for all to see 

but you are saying nobody's even noticed a change in your behaviour this possibly means the addiction is very deep seated 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 10:45 am
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi,

Believe me people will notice a change in your behaviour. That's part of the addiction, we think we're kidding people when in truth we are kidding ourselves. 

Good Luck In Your Recovery

Al

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 10:56 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi , I also found it very easy to act " normal" in front of family despite losing heavily. But sitting here looking back at my behaviour I almost went OTT to be the best mum, best wife to 1 Try to fool myself that this didn't affect my family 2 It was easier to cover my tracks keep everything even and stable if I gave the persona of happiness and stability. 3 I never missed cricket games, footy games etc but was I mentally present? Paying full attention? Of course not.....if I could get away with it id be gambling on my phone whilst looking totally interested. Everything about gambling is twisted im11 months gamble free now and enjoying the mental freedom that that brings and be able to be present at games etc and be the mum my son deserves. Never give up trying Grant you can get through this

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 11:21 am
grant_95
(@grant_95)

@foxcub thanks for the reply , appreciate it

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 8:16 pm
grant_95
(@grant_95)

@charlieboy thanks, 11 months is a great achievement and very inspiring. keep going

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th May 2021 8:18 pm
Share this page
Share

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close
  
Working

Please Login or Register