RR message wow that is really so motivating and so true. Made me a bit emotional but Wow so true.
Hi,
I have read through your responses and I see your pain. Us addicts, we suffer with the past, our actions and as addicts we are brutally impatient. We want forgiveness from everyone instantly and we want everyone to say its ok. We can’t get that assurance instantly and we’re not worthy of that forgiveness. When in gambling action we’re not worthy of that forgiveness. We’ve hurt people, lied to loved ones, we’ve been dishonest. Our word is no longer believable. Only our actions can begin to rebuild trust and that takes time. It takes the action of doing something to rebuild trust and as you do things and make positive changes the people closest to you see the difference. They see you trying and as your efforts come to fruition they see the real you again and then forgiveness happens. But, you have to make the changes.
As I said yesterday, your past is your past and you’ll judge yourself on that. Others may judge you also but only you can change your future.
As you read through diaries on here many people have done bad things they are not proud of myself included. People have lost houses, jobs, marriages, access to kids. People have went to jail due to addiction and the consequences of their addiction. People have suffered abuse. People have abused. All of these things were carried out by people in horrendous mental states. Gambling creates chaos and puts us in a desperate bad place where mentally we move from one bad decision to the next desperately bad decision. Only when we stop can we change. You have to stop to get better. You have to put your whole trust into that process.
No matter how bad you think your situation is it can get worse. Or, it can get better. Your actions will determine which. You seek forgiveness from others who you may have wronged but you cannot forgive yourself. You have to be the one that makes the first move. You simply have to change and you need to start today because time is of the essence. You have a better life to fulfil.
Finally, don’t worry about what you don’t have today because you can go and get it. The absolute best version of yourself will make new friends - of course you will. You’re not the best version of yourself today but you can change this, become fabulous and have your own success. This happens as soon as you change. Get to work.
RR
Aw thank you RR for being supportive. I am going to do a diary and stop. I am done with it my mental health is not great been through so much from the age of nine right up to date. I need a change and make good choices and be a good person. I have sat and reflected on how I have been behaving and it is not good it is disgusting but genuinely the gambling takes your mind off problems. I will have to try and forgive myself but that will be difficult. My aim now is to seek forgiveness from who I have hurt. And hopefully I can be forgiven. I am just disgusted in myself how I became hooked your a different person it end up in a warped world. Well please keep in touch it would be nice to speak to you again. I would write more but I am really ill today. Thanks again for your support and hopefully I can turn my life around and be a better person. As this gambling is not who I am. I want to be a good person and being a gambler is not being a good person.
Will write you again thank you for taking time to write a complete stranger
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