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New member, sharing my story.  

 
BenjaminDF
(@benjamindf)

Hello, I am new on here and wanted to share my story;

I am currently 20 years old, Since I was very young, I would even say about 16, I have been gambling, it started off small on tennis, small on football and has just grown for 4 years. It became a massive problem, I was betting money I didn’t have, using other ways of paying which weren’t my own, forcing myself to sell possessions to keep my head above water at such a young age, which then that money would just go towards betting anyway. It really took a hit on me throughout 2018, I didn’t realise how much of an emotional /mental, toll it was taking out on me. I couldn’t concentrate at work, I would find myself going through bets at work trying to cover teams I think would win etc. I really was not doing much work at all..

That equalled to a complete lack of motivation at work where the money I was earning was just going straight into betting, I took out numerous payday/personal loans, to help/fund my habit. 

It came to the point at the beginning of 2019, where my mum and dad became aware of my struggles, and helped me out. They paid off 3 of my loans, leaving me with two I pay now and a credit card. I am so lucky to have parents that would do this and are able to do this, they are by no means wealthy and I will forever feel guilty for what I have done.

Today is my first day of being gamble free, I had previously registered to gamstop at the back end of 2018, but I have had a few minor relapses since, but I have recently upped that to 5 years and from today it will be the start of something new for me.

Overall, it just had me emotionally drained, I was constantly depressed, tired, not sleeping very well, feeling constantly guilty, at such a young age, it really is not something I should be worried about, I was never happy with my job I’ve had for 3 years or so, I’ve hated it since day 1. The betting of course didn’t help, as I lost my first job from not going to university and not being dedicated. The second job I got for when all the loans were taken out and I had serious money problems. This obviously effected how I was at work and my performance and I left that job myself, after my performance was put under scrutiny. I have a new job now, I have come to the realisation that even though this job is well paid, it is not the job for me, and I am applying for things I want to do and will enjoy instead. I have a hold on my money and I am starting to manage it a lot better, while my debt is not massive amounts of money, I am at the age of 20 with no savings and starting over again.

Apologies for such a long message, I would love to hear anything anyone has to say, 

On another note, I would love to hear from anyone from a similar age to me, how normalised gambling is for young adults nowadays makes me so angry, especially growing up as a male supporting football and all of my friends support a football team, everyone gambles, which just makes it so much harder. I would love to hear other stories..

Thanks 🙂

Quote
Posted : 24th April 2019 2:43 pm
bdog
 bdog
(@bdog)

If I could turn back the clock to age 20 I would.

You have made a brave decision to recognise your problem and have every opportunity to move forward with your life.  Read lots of posts on here and take strength that its possible.

Blocking is the key, support on here is helpful and will power is also critical.  Realising that it isnt easy is also important, but whenever you get the urge, remember why you came here in the first place.

You can do this Benjamin!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 11:44 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posted by: BenjaminDF

Hello, I am new on here and wanted to share my story;

I am currently 20 years old, Since I was very young, I would even say about 16, I have been gambling, it started off small on tennis, small on football and has just grown for 4 years. It became a massive problem, I was betting money I didn’t have, using other ways of paying which weren’t my own, forcing myself to sell possessions to keep my head above water at such a young age, which then that money would just go towards betting anyway. It really took a hit on me throughout 2018, I didn’t realise how much of an emotional /mental, toll it was taking out on me. I couldn’t concentrate at work, I would find myself going through bets at work trying to cover teams I think would win etc. I really was not doing much work at all..

That equalled to a complete lack of motivation at work where the money I was earning was just going straight into betting, I took out numerous payday/personal loans, to help/fund my habit. 

It came to the point at the beginning of 2019, where my mum and dad became aware of my struggles, and helped me out. They paid off 3 of my loans, leaving me with two I pay now and a credit card. I am so lucky to have parents that would do this and are able to do this, they are by no means wealthy and I will forever feel guilty for what I have done.

Today is my first day of being gamble free, I had previously registered to gamstop at the back end of 2018, but I have had a few minor relapses since, but I have recently upped that to 5 years and from today it will be the start of something new for me.

Overall, it just had me emotionally drained, I was constantly depressed, tired, not sleeping very well, feeling constantly guilty, at such a young age, it really is not something I should be worried about, I was never happy with my job I’ve had for 3 years or so, I’ve hated it since day 1. The betting of course didn’t help, as I lost my first job from not going to university and not being dedicated. The second job I got for when all the loans were taken out and I had serious money problems. This obviously effected how I was at work and my performance and I left that job myself, after my performance was put under scrutiny. I have a new job now, I have come to the realisation that even though this job is well paid, it is not the job for me, and I am applying for things I want to do and will enjoy instead. I have a hold on my money and I am starting to manage it a lot better, while my debt is not massive amounts of money, I am at the age of 20 with no savings and starting over again.

Apologies for such a long message, I would love to hear anything anyone has to say, 

On another note, I would love to hear from anyone from a similar age to me, how normalised gambling is for young adults nowadays makes me so angry, especially growing up as a male supporting football and all of my friends support a football team, everyone gambles, which just makes it so much harder. I would love to hear other stories..

Thanks 🙂

Hi

Thank you for your sharing.

My addiction seemed to control my life so much that other things did not matter, I did not matter.

Back in 1969 I did not take recovery seriously, I did not understand when I felt emotionally vulnerable.

In time I went to the recovery program which is a non religious thing just for me.

I became a selfish person and moved from being a self destructive person.

Many people do not find the recovery program early in their life, you are very fortunate you are seeking help and advice.

By attending meetings the people in  the recovery program will help you understand that you are at this just unhealthy.

The kind of thinking that I would and works for hours days months years and then give it to a complete stranger while I and my family go with out, how did that make any sense to me.

What was the value of money how do you determine what it meant to me.

I would take the total of cash lost and worked out how much money net I made per hour.

Then find out how many hours days months years that I worked for nothing, nothing what so ever to show for it.

As I got more in to my addictions and obsessions I would justify lying to other people and try excuse my betrayal of people that loved me.

So for me the recovery program is boundary setting, Just for today I will not gamble, just one day at a time.

But some thing happens you start to give up other unhealthy habits.

Then the recovery program sets up your needs wants and your goals that you are able to achieve so much more with your life.

It is still stands Just for today I will not gamble, but also Just for today I will no longer procrastinate about getting things done.

I tend to give up the wording I have to, that implied that I did lots of things resentfully and reluctantly.

My productivity excellerated, I was able to do things I never thought were possible by me.

The questions asked of me why attend meetings if you have not gambled in along time.

Because I know that I can be a much healthier person tomorrow.

The recovery program helped me understand that each of my unhealthy reactions can be reduced in so many ways.

Less pain in my life today, less fear in my life today, less frustration in my life today, less loneliness  in my life today, less envy and jealousy in my life today, less impatience and intolerance in my life today, less risk taking  in my life today, less wanting to hide from people in my life today.

One person told em that the debt he owed was so great that he would have to live two life times to pay it back, that was his commitment to his recovery program.

When people are dysfunctional in our life we can not change those people, when people are unhealthy towards me in my life I can not change those people, accepting serenity is understanding the only person I can change today is myself.

Knowing what I feel today and my recovery I would never doubt that recovery would not work for me.

It took my time and my effort in being the healthier person I am today.

The recovery program will help you from causing your self further pain and suffering in your life.

Love and best wishes to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 2:43 am
topxlisting
(@topxlisting)

very intresting story. more people should share their experience with us.

This post was modified 1 month ago by topxlisting
ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 6:58 am
john.w
(@john-w)

Well done on realising you need help Benjamin . I began gambling at age 16 , I'm now 56 almost. Stop early !!!! if you can beat this now ( and you can ) life will be so much fuller . Read others diaries and convince yourself this has to stop. Keep your guard up. John

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 7:43 am
X M
 X M
(@x-m)

Firstly being 20 and having no savings is not too much of an issue. Secondly, gambling can start at someones' Life at any time. Especially these days with all the advertising. I started 21 and am now 37.

You are very lucky to have parents that helped you out. Think of them next time you get a temptation. They will not be there all through your Life. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 9:57 am
BenjaminDF
(@benjamindf)
Posted by: bdog

If I could turn back the clock to age 20 I would.

You have made a brave decision to recognise your problem and have every opportunity to move forward with your life.  Read lots of posts on here and take strength that its possible.

Blocking is the key, support on here is helpful and will power is also critical.  Realising that it isnt easy is also important, but whenever you get the urge, remember why you came here in the first place.

You can do this Benjamin!

Thank you so much for your kind words, I have just this morning installed Gamban on my phone to stop any future temptations, I will continue to read posts on here to inspire me to carry on being strong!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 3:23 pm
BenjaminDF
(@benjamindf)
Posted by: john.w

Well done on realising you need help Benjamin . I began gambling at age 16 , I'm now 56 almost. Stop early !!!! if you can beat this now ( and you can ) life will be so much fuller . Read others diaries and convince yourself this has to stop. Keep your guard up. John

Thanks for your words John, makes me feel less alone when I understand it was not just me at a young age, the diaries on here give me hope 🙂

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 3:24 pm
BenjaminDF
(@benjamindf)
Posted by: X M

Firstly being 20 and having no savings is not too much of an issue. Secondly, gambling can start at someones' Life at any time. Especially these days with all the advertising. I started 21 and am now 37.

You are very lucky to have parents that helped you out. Think of them next time you get a temptation. They will not be there all through your Life. 

Thanks X M, 

The money side that daunts me the most is not necessarily the lack of savings, I think its the amount of money I have wasted and then cost my parents that eats away at me. Especially when there is people less fortunate at my age that could of done much better things with it instead of me mindlessly throwing it away, makes me feel like such a prat. But I will definitely think of my parents the next time I get temptation, Thank you so much

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th April 2019 3:28 pm
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