I don't think I'll ever stop

Well if you say that you will or you won't you will be right in both. My therapist once said all roads may lead to Rome but you can only get there one step at the time. You need a goal even if only a small one and then get to that goal and then make a new one. then make more and more small goals till you feel a sense of direction because any ship without a captain will just drift. If you know where to steer your ship you will start to figure out what you need to get there. The good part about this is that EVERYBODY can do this. There is not one person who cant set and reach a goal. Everyone can. Start there. Be kind to yourself. You have to put up with yourself and your actions and that means if you're a bit kinder you will manage the tough times better than if you don't.

Last but not least. This is a great place to get some help. This place gets you started on the small steps. Reach out to the helpline here and let them guide you right. You will be very much happier once you get that started.

All the best

C

Posted by: 1punchjamoo

I've been gambling for around 10 years, bla bla.. the thing is, I made a concious effort to stop and I close my coral account for a month so when I got paid I actually bought thing and held onto some.. until they emailed me saying I could use my account again.. then I lost what I had save and I've just been paid and lost it all.. I can't stop. I've had numerous accounts, I've done things that have put me in prison. I have a problem and I need help but I don't know what will help.. I've been in such a good place recently but I'm back to square one.

God do we all know how this feels look you stopped for abit that's got to be a good thing, I know it may not seem that way to you but I've been told the same off some influential people lately and I need to hang on to that as without that ive got nothing. Look I've only just joined not so long ago so if you don't like what I say throw out the window.

Hello jamoo, 

Really sorry to hear that you've had a lapse. You have posted before about your reluctance to put blocks in place because you fear that you'll then give in to feelings of anger and frustration instead. It sounds like you really feel trapped. Finding a better path for you might take time, but our door is always open if you want to talk. We're here 24/7 now, on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat.

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Ahhhh Jamoo. I'm very sorry to hear you managed a month and then had a relapse mate.

Your going to think this is really weird now pal, but you are the primary reason that i keep coming back and checking these forums! I've been pretty much silently following these forums for the past 2 years but your story is the most intriguing i have come across and the only one i think i have ever posted on in the past tbh.

I'l begin with my story so i don't sound like too much of a weirdo for stalking these forums lol.

I was a bad gambler, beginning in 2010. My ex and her family loved poker and they introduced me to it and i absolutely loved it and naturally got drawn in big time, especially to online poker. I started playing nearly every evening, especially in tournaments, sometimes spending £20-£100 per night on tournaments....over the course of a month you can imagine how debts started racking up when i was on minimum wage and spending more than i made every month.

We eventually split up..... years later I met a lovely lady which is now my wife which i met in 2012. I had debts when we moved in our first flat together but she kindly paid my debts off which i then repaid her monthly in order to no longer be charged overdraft fees. Once these were paid off i promised her id never get into debt again.

We got a mortgage in 2014 and there was sooooo many jobs to do on the house and expensive ones at that. We lived at her parents whilst we had these jobs done. I didnt want to be at her parents, i just wanted to pay for the jobs asap! So i went back to gambing in the hope of a big win. The Footie world cup was held in Brazil that year, and I spent hours researching games and player performances but ended up loosing 2 grand betting due unexpected outcomes....

I spent the next year paying this off, it was a tight year, eating tins of smartprice beans at work on break....it was pathetic tbh, what my colleagues must have thought of me......

I was finally free of debt after a year, however a few months later I somehow mangaged to run up £300 of debt on i'm not sure what tbh. I just remember my sister held a charity doo that month also, it went great and she made a couple of hundred quid to give to the charity. I don't know what possessed me to do it but i thought to myself one day in work.....maybe if a bet a grand on a roulette colour and win i could give her £700 to the charity and pay the £300 back off my debt......so i went on break and transferred a grand off my credit card and placed it on red........it lost! I could have cried tbh.

I didnt tell my GF (we werent married at the time) but the debt remained and grew and grew over the year all the way up to 5 grand. We went to remortgage the house to a much better deal and how the hell we managed to get approved with my 3 month bank statement i still dont know....best luck i've had financially i reckon, saved us a hell of a lot in interest repayments!

In 2018 my gambling had come to a peak, i was in a job i was severely depressed in and my escape was drinking and gambling. When we had remortgaged we had got an additional 10 grand for house repairs, we had spent 2 grand of that already but the other 8 remained in my account (she still didn't know about my gambling but i also had 8 grand of debt as a loan). One crazy evening i went a bit mad and spent all of my excess money for the month, normally id get over it and live with nothing (the bill money was always transferred on payday so no worries there!) but i decided to play with some of the house repair money. I lost 2 grand of it on roulette. I was insanely depressed and just thinking what's the point in life tbh.....i just put the rest of the 6 grand on a colour and went in to the next room slumped on the couch and sobbed by my cat for a good few minutes. To my astonishment when i went back through and looked at the computer screen i had actually won 12 grand so i instantly withdrew it.

When it eventually came into my bank i immediately came up with an excuse to transfer the 8 grand for house repairs to my gf's account saying that it'd 'make things easier'....she didn't get why but she let me give it her all the same, shes very good with money. The other 4 grand i slowly blew on gambling when id promised myself id pay off half my debt with it.....that was the moment i started perusing Gamcare.....and shortly after i found your posts and was intrigued by how you seemed to struggle so intensely with gambling your addiction, so i posted with a bit of a sharp and hash post to try and hope it'd knock you to sense but i don't blame you that you took it offensively....tbh thinking about if now, if i had read it from another user id take offence at my straight forward and insensitive attitude tbh.

I went about that post the wrong way, and i hope this post may be of more help mate.

After that 4 grand was lost and i still had 8 grand total debt, i further continued to max out my credit card and also a few hundred on an overdraft........i finally came clean to my wife about everything......it was a mess telling her about all of it as i felt so guilty about lying for so long but i am fortunate she was very forgiving and supportive and she lent me the money to pay my credit card and overdraft.

From that moment on i have not gambled! I signed up to Gamstop that day. Online was my biggest vice, and Gamstop took my ability to play anywhere online. And you know what, despite loving playing so much, once i had signed up and knew i knew I no longer could play anywhere, it felt like such a breathe of fresh air!

Over the next few months I paid every penny back to my GF for the credit card and over draft. Over the next year and a half I paid the entire 8 grand back to the bank, and i now feel more financially secure than i ever have in my life! Whenever i see a scratch card in a shop i think 'f**k you!'. every time i see a gambling advert on t.v....'f**k you!', every email from a gambling website....you guessed it..'f**k you!'

If you can do a full month Jamoo, then trust me you can beat this, the first 2 weeks are the hardest. I know you've been concerned about committing crimes to fund your addiction, but if you block yourself by using 'Gamcare' so you cant play online, and also self exclude from all local bookies then you would have no reason to commit a crime as you physically couldn't bet the money that you had obtained.

It's a hard step to take mate, and it took me several years to finally commit to, but i'l be frank when i say that when i finally did have gambling out of my life i felt better than i have in many years.

It sounds like the majority of your gambling is done online Jamoo, seriosuly consider the full 5 years on Gamstop my friend, it has changed my life only for the better!

I hope this post helps, if even in the slightest.

Keep posting mate, at least then we know you are okay.

All the best Jamoo