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Husband gambling again 7 years later  

 
Dani84
(@dani84)

Hi this is all relatively new to me, but thought hearing some advice from other partners going through the same thing will help. I remember asking this 7 years ago when I first caught my husband gambling, “what should I do?”, most responses where leave him, he will never change! I was heartbroken, and never went on the site again (not this one btw) and here I am 7-8 years later and maybe they where right because he hasn’t changed. Anyway, I just want to know what the right steps are to take, bearing in mind we have three beautiful children (6,4 and 4 months) to think about here. Any advice and suggestions would be appreciated

thank you 

This topic was modified 3 months ago by Dani84
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Posted : 16th June 2020 12:18 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya dani84

You've got such a hard decision ahead off you, with addicts there's a good chance that they will relapse do you mind if I ask is this the first time in 7yrs he's slipped and gambled? I'm not saying it's o.k. because as a problem gambler I know how much damage can be done with just an hour off relapse I lost nearly  £8000 and who suffers from that not just me but my family I never set out TO hurt them but when I've gambled in the past it's caused them pain so when I make that first gambling transaction I should know what it can cause and who it can hurt. I know people will say leave him he's a bad egg But at the end of the day you know your partner and with help and honesty can you get past this, does he want help as there's so much he can reach out to. It's a horrible addiction that can do harm but if you keep the help in place never be complacent and you control all the finances can you get by this are you willing to take control?  Just talk to the right people and when you've got all the information you can make your choice m good luck 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th June 2020 9:25 pm
silee70
(@silee70)

Hello Dani,

Thanks for sharing your story. I was the problem gambler in the relationship and kept it secret beyond the end of our relationship although the cause of us breaking up were mainly due my mood swings that were fairly frequent if I'm honest, I also felt my partner at the time would not be supportive which in hindsight was an unfair/selfish decision to make but that was my mindset at the time. My problem was with online sports betting (app on phone) and I just couldn't stop. Eventually I took action and registered with GAMSTOP and that pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks and the haze slowly lifted (now online gamble free for 2+ years, I say online as that was my problem and I have bought lottery tickets and done the very odd football coupon in a bookmakers since although not recently at all, for me it is a completely different mindset to online and I have no desire to it on a regular basis). If I could share any advice with you it would be to try and understand your husbands problems and offer advice and support, this would of course take honesty and openness on his side but if he managed to do this then I'm sure he would feel much better as sharing the problem and bringing it out in the open can often help with moods/anxiety. It won't be nice to hear but it's a must I'm afraid.  Anyway, there are plenty of partners on the site who will offer you good/friendly advice from a perspective you will be able to relate to better than from mine. I wish you (and your husband) all of the very best on the recovery journey.

Si

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th June 2020 11:10 pm
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

Dear Dani,

I'm relatively new to the Forum as for the first time in my life I chased losses this week and ended up losing several thousand pounds in around 30 minutes. 

I think you've made a very sensible decision in joining this wonderful website and you'll find plenty of love and support on the forums. I do think you might be better placed to re-post in the family and friends forum here as you are more likely to find people in a very similar situation to you who can perhaps provide some sensible advice to you.

Best of luck. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th June 2020 11:06 am
Dani84
(@dani84)

Thank you for your reply. Yes this is the first time in seven years, it was going on for 2-3 months before I found out on Monday. I know over the last seven years he has put bets on with football and goes to the bookies but he maintains it’s only now that he’s***t a blip with excessive gambling. It’s so hard because he doesn’t think he has a problem and that I am over reacting and being controlling etc etc. I fear things are only going to get harder before they get better, he is a good man but unfortunately cannot control this, but the nastier he gets the more he’s pushing me away, I know I am the only one that can help him

This post was modified 3 months ago by Dani84
ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th June 2020 9:04 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear Dani, 

Thank you for your posts to the Gam Care forum. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this again; and particularly difficult to cope with if your husband does not acknowledge that he has a problem with his gambling.

I am glad that you have found this space to talk to others and get advice and support. Does anyone else know about your husband's gambling? It's really important that you do not feel alone and have the support that you need too in managing this. I imagine you already have a lot to cope with, with three young children. I am also a bit worried that you mention your husband's behaviour is getting 'nastier' towards you. None of this is in any way your fault Dani and you should not have to put up with that from anyone despite their own struggles. 

I would like to suggest that when you can, you contact our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or our live chat both of which are available seven days a week, 24 hours a day so that we can look in to all the available support with you. Just as there is support available for problem gamblers there is also support available to 'affected others', friends and family, people who are impacted by someone else's gambling or who are supporting a problem gambler. 

There are also further online resources, GamAnon and UK Smart Recovery both run groups/meetings for affected others and as well as our daily chatrooms (1.00pm and 8.00pm) on this website we also have a specific chat for friends and family on Thursday evenings at 9.30pm.

I wish you all the very best Dani,

Helen 

Forum Admin

 

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Posted : 20th June 2020 12:05 pm
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