How do you get over losing 49k gambling in just a year?

Wow your post certainly made me stop and read! I feel the same and I hear you! I'm 35k in debt after covid lockdown gambling and everything you said is how I feel.  Mine was slot machines. Now everything I earn will go on repaying the debt and the future looks bleak. I hope your ok? It's overwhelming hey.  It helps me to know I'm not the only one, I hope it helps you to know your not the only one too. It's the anger with myself n the sheer frustration of what I've done that gets to me......do you struggle with this as well? 

Hey RGM

Those are some scary numbers.   I really hope you find the mental strength to pull through this.  Truly Horribly addiction which has gripped many of us unfortunately. 

 I hsve been struggling for many years to leave it behind but today I find myself paying 170 pm over next 5 years.    

Was doing quite well but working from home now instead of 5 days in the office triggered things to get progressively worse.   Stupidly chasing losses.   You know the ending all too well .

Well, 49 thousand or 490 thousand. They are nr that will show you that something is wrong. Consider yourself as a lucky man that you now have the insight to say stop and enough because when you go to the edge of your sanity it can be pretty hard to turn around and go back so you should see this as a real strength of character. If you got this far you might as well go a bit further and see where it takes you. The debt part becomes a bit easier to live with after some time but make sure you get time away from the madness because you heal that way. Use the tools you find on this site and talk because talking will help you see things in a clearer way. 

Decide to get better and you will.

Best

C

You get over it by not trying to get over it. I know that might sound strange, but I've asked the same question. 

If you let it go and remove attachment, then it has no power over you.

We constantly attach meaning to material things. Money, a house, a car, a financial loss, but they don't govern happiness. They are just a transference.

Happiness is a state of mind. Freedom comes from within. That is why millionaires can still lack peace, because they are looking in the wrong place.

Stand naked in the rain, feel your heart pumping blood around your veins and breathe in the air.

Conquer yourself, not your financial status.

When we are born, we feel joy from the most simple things and money bears no relevance. That's because our perception of happiness is pure. 

Use the £49,000 to re-find yourself. If it generates a pathway in your mind that was otherwise impossible then it's not a waste. This is your fate. Your pathway. Detach regret and embrace the now.

Tomorrow may never come. 

So many beautiful replies everyone. It’s definitely put a smile on my face reading it and you are all very much right. It’s so sad I’ve only realised this at the end of it all. Money really doesn’t make us happy. I know that now. I’ve came across a book about minimalism which is called Love People, Use things because the opposite never works. Seemingly these 2 guys from America trying to change the world and educating everyone about how Minimalism can be used as a tool - a path to financial and emotional freedom. Because you nailed it @LifeisStrange, money doesn’t govern our happiness. Emotional attachments to material things hold no bearing on what a happy or fulfilled life should be. There’s a whole documentary about it in on Netflix and a blog about it too called The Minimalists, and it’s truly changed my life. They talk about how having less actually is the way to having more in life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on going to the extremes, but the book is really worth a read, and the documentary really worth a watch because it really has changed my perspective on things. If this has helped me make the pain a little less, and find something new to focus on, maybe it can help someone else. I know it’s early days for me as it’s only been just over 2 weeks since I have stopped but I can honestly I have never felt so much power inside of me to make the decision that it’s the end, not another bet in my life and to finally be free because I know too well how it ends, and I’ve got a scary big number to prove that it never works….and yes Healing73, I do struggle about that frustration and get angry with myself, but I’m learning everyday to accept that what’s done is done and the only way to move forward is to focus on the future. What’s really strange is I’ve only found this feeling- I could not find this feeling to give up a few months ago, I wish I had. I suppose every compulsive gambler in time will find their own way out in their own time. I pray that whoever you might be reading this is that you don’t wait to reach your rock bottom to finally find it. I hope I can help someone out there struggling to find that feeling sooner. Have a good day everyone. 

You are at the point in your addiction where the numbers don't really matter your not playing to win or lose your just playing because you are addicted

Same as alcoholics don't drink to get drunk , they drink because they need too 

Co*aine addicts will take line after line even though they cant get any higher 

It's all nonsense from your subconscious mind looking to escape reality by any means necessary 

In answer to your question you don't "get over" losing 50K

You carry that as your reminder and as your burden its probably one of the only things that can drag you back to reality 

@roulettegotme.  I joined yesterday.  I am the same.  I got into roulette due to the lockdown.  I would say try and stay busy.  Do not look at how much other people  have won and get jealous.  We all compare ourselves to other people and that is the downfall.  This about yourself.  Think about your own worth.  The question is, do you need roulette?  
Before lockdown, you did not have roulette, why do you need it now?  I like winning too.  It feels good, but can come with the losses.  Main thing is to keep yourself busy.  Go to the gym, go on walks.  The reality is, your loss has happened and you need to somehow put it to the back of your mind.  I would not say try and recover it as it is too dangerous.  Accept the loss, put it in the past.  Time to move forward.  Enjoy the sunshine.

RGM,

Welcome to the forum.

I also struggled with roulette as my name suggests. It is brutal. Way too fast and can destroy lives.

Imagine roulette has not destroyed your life. Imagine this is the start of your new life and that it’s going to be fabulous. Imagine you really dive head first into your recovery and with that become a better, happier, healthier person. The world is your oyster. Start again and start today. You’ll have so much more time on your hands. I played roulette for hours everyday and now I don’t- I try to use that time on other stuff. I run lots because it helps and it keeps me healthy and fit. I go to the gym and I box and that helps. I want to start reading a book a week - I’m not there yet but God knows without the constant worry of roulette and the energy and sleep that sapped from me I should have time and focus to read more. Get excited- you can be whatever you want to be. You are ridding of yourself of pure evil.

Also, and a little sensitive because everyone has different circumstances, I have more money now in recovery while paying back debt than I ever did in roulette action. All my money went on roulette and I rarely bought anything for myself. It’s an awful illusion. Two years gamble free and you’ll know what I mean.

I wish you the very best in recovery. Recovery is full of opportunities.

RR

Reading this has made me take a step back and think about material objects so thank you!!! 

We search thru life for the car, house, clothes, tv, etc all because we think it will make us happy.  

In reality we already had what makes us happy.....

I have spent the past year buying clothes and DVDs from charity shops as I feel we are in a throw away nation.....  In reality I now have enough clothes so I'll strive to not buy any more apart from maybe socks and underwear..... I have all the sizes now so I really don't need anymore....

If I'm not striving to buy the clothes, or a car, or get a bigger house then I can relax and maybe work less ..... I don't drink do drugs or smoke anymore so if I live a minimalistic life then I'll need less money it's a win win.

This will work for u mate that four hundred a month u now pay for eight years should you live the minimalistic life it won't affect you at all ......

I have everything I need now....  No more searching for happiness for me.

Hello,

Yes been there myself, lost over 30,000 in a year, a bit of boredom during lockdown and gambling became a routine for me for an hour or two in the evening and it can be very difficult to break that routine but I knew I could not carry on the way I was so with the help of this forum and my own actions I self excluded from the ones that were causing me problems.

I am over it and beaten it, however I still get strong urges to gambling on online slots sometimes, I left one site open for me, however I set just a £20 deposit a day limit on that site so it cant hurt me.

I think all online casinos should be under the same regulations are landbased bookmakers, the government introduced maximum lower stakes in landbased bookmakers on the roulette machines and slots and that should also be introduced on all the online casinos broadcast to a UK audience. Its all about consistency, its ludicrous that the average Joe is able to place bets online on roulette of up to £500 a spin, this should be drastically reduced as has happened in landbased casinos, why has the government not introduced that to online gambling?

Put your losses aside and move on with a smile, learn from your mistakes.

Jon

Everyone who replied to this post has said nothing but kind and beautiful words, and for that I am truly grateful. Reading all your replies has not only made me feel a whole lot better, but have given me more confidence in myself and the power to fight through these tough times. I am a woman, in her late 30s by the way, I was wondering if there were any other women out there with this kind of level of debt, and how you got through this? They say roulette is a man’s game so how the hell did that turn out to be my poison? On a positive note, I can feel my mind healing, even just by reading all your replies. Every time I hear, say or think about roulette, I am starting to associate it with pain, helplessness, and suffering…which are strong words to ever steer me away from pure evil again. A painful reminder of the damage I have done not only to myself but to my loved ones. I guess I am lucky to have no children, no one else is affected by my mistakes but myself alone but my plans of having a family, are definitely down the drain. How could I? When I have another 9 years to pay for a year of my stupidity. However I’m learning everyday how to turn those strong negative words into something more positive.. like I’m not saddled by debt, I’m enlightened by it. Roulette didn’t inflict pain, it made me grow so I can learn to become a better person. I’m slowly accepting reality, no matter how hard… remember- a Phoenix always rises from its ashes. Have a good day everyone. 

Hi RouletteGotMe,

Thank you for joining the GamCare forum and sharing your story. You are definitely not alone as a woman gambler. That's the thing about gambling, you can feel like you are the only one with this issue. While it's true that a majority of those using GamCare services are men, there are significant numbers of women experiencing gambling problems. There are many women here on the GamCare forum, there are Gamblers Anonymous groups for women and we have a chatroom on Saturdays at 6.30pm, specifically for women. 

You haven't said where you were playing roulette but you did mention it became a problem during lockdown so perhaps it was online? There are a lot of steps you can take to block online gambling. If you'd like to find out more give us a call on the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. You can also find out more in the 'Your recovery toolkit' section of our website:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/

Thanks again for sharing your story. Please do keep us updated.

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

PS - quick message for @Jon39 - thank you for posting your support to RouletteGotMe. You were saying you have left one gambling site open and put deposit limits on it. It's your choice if you want to limit your gambling rather than stop altogether. However there are a lot more sites out there and you might want to protect yourself from the temptation of opening new accounts by self excluding from all UK gambling sites using the self-exclusion service www.gamstop.co.uk. If you want to discuss your safer gambling strategy, give us a call on the helpline on 0808 8020 133.

Hey @roulettegotme. I'm a woman. I was 10k in debt 1st time and 3 yrs ago. Lost my house (rented) and moved in with family. I spent 2 years paying every bit back. It can be done. I was elated. For me, I then had about 18k in the bank but it was lockdown. I relapsed after not gambling for 3 yrs as was lonely. I am now 35k in debt......a ridiculous spiral out of control. But I did it once ...repaid debt, so it can be done, and although hard/overwhelming I'll do it again. I just want to share so you know it will get easier if you don't relapse like me. I'm now 5yrs Gamstop and having counseling via Beacon via Gamcare. I really want to share this...please don't put your dreams to have a family on hold, I did this and now ten yrs older than you it was the most regrettable thing I did.  In your late 30s you can still do this, please, as one woman to another,  I ask you to really think about this. It is overwhelming with debt, but it's still an option for you and an important one if that's what you want. Don't give up on your dreams. You deserve your dreams and a family. The debt you will eventually sort out, don't take the wish of a family from you if you want that. You can have both. Think to the future not the past if you can. It's brighter than you think that way. Ps definitely going to read that book. You take care, be gentle on yourself xx

Posted by: RouletteGotMe

I really don’t know where to start. I really would like to say blame covid, the pandemic, the greed inside me. But really… there’s no one to blame but just me.

 

Every day for the last year I have gambled on roulette, yes there were crazy big wins and they were euphoric, but there were also the losses… which led me to be suicidal. One day, I lost 13k in less than 2 hours. Who does that? And then in just 2 days, I lost 20k. The losses where worse than the wins but when I finally hit rock bottom, and believe me, I thought I have already hit my rock bottom many times before but I realised there are many layers to what you call rock bottom… always there’s another one. Another layer, the next one much worse. When it finally hit me I had debts of 49k, my overdraft maxed out, no cash left and waiting for payday, credit cards needed paid, loans needing repaid and not enough salary at all… this was my rock bottom. Calling Stepchange to finally find a solution for everything. I realised I carried on gambling so I could keep up with all my debt repayments every month. It’s funny how a year ago, I had everything, savings in the bank, enough to enjoy life… but I don’t know what happened along the way. How could I be so stupid and such an idiot? Dreaming of a better life when I already had a good life? Is it really human nature to always want more and that’s how I got sucked into this? Sometimes I wake up and I can’t believe it… surely this must be a dream and I’m going to wake up one day and this is really not happening… but no I wake up everyday, and I have to face the consequences of my actions everyday, £400 to pay every month for my stupidity for the next 9 years- that’s if my payment plan gets approved and I can really get my life back… if not I may face bankruptcy. What a mess I made in the one year, but hitting rock bottom really saved me. They say, it’s only when you reach rock bottom, there’s no where else to go but bounce back up. Funny enough, when I stopped gambling a few weeks ago, I found my old self again, learning how to value money again, learning how to value hard work, and rebuilding relationships  almost lost in the process. I feel free, and happy again, even with nothing… I know now, winning or losing, depression, fair warning - they are all very addicting. Even losing, even depression. You somehow get addicted to that feeling too. You can lose yourself in the whole process. So if anyone is having any doubts out there, coming on here to maybe read about others miseries, to console yourself of the loss you just had - because this was once I once done- please listen and stop. Me? I never listened- every day I woke up was another day to try to win it all back. That day never comes I’m afraid. I wish I stopped 10 months ago when I only lost £3k, I wish I stopped 6 months ago when I only lost £7k, I wish I stopped 3 months ago when I’ve only lost £20k… I wish I stopped last month.. but I never did so here I am I’ve lost £49k… but I’m finally ready now… for a new beginning 

The way to get over it is to accept the money is gone, you 'spent' it on gambling, treat it as any other purchase.