So gambling became an addiction, and still to this day is continues to be all I ever think about. The only thing that excites me.
My addiction didn’t start with gambling. It started with an addiction to my abusive relationship. I felt trapped for a long time. An incident forced me to leave the relationship, which then left me relying on tablets of all kinds. They didn’t make me happy, but they kept me here. The tablets stopped and i drank, took drugs and became wreck less. I met a man whom is an alcoholic and I stopped what I was doing. I was introduced to gambling. I won 5000 pound and it has been the worst day of my life ever since. I used it to get to sleep at first, I felt like it was the only thing I could control and it became worse. I then used it to relieve myself of my partner and his drunkness. I now use it because I use it to pay for my debt. You always think your gunna get lucky but you don’t. You can’t control it.
I thought telling my partner and family about my addiction would help. I guess it did for two weeks. I had some not so nice reactions and I’m now not trusted. As the months have gone on I’ve changed , I now feel like I’m more alone than I was before. I feel a massive amount of guilt and overwhelming feels of emptiness. I always said I would never get an addiction but I guess it’s easier said.
I wanted to share my story as I have no idea where to go from here, as gambling is still something I have the urge to do..
I know 8 months might not seem long but it certainly is when it’s impacted on every aspect of your life..
Hi and Welcome to the forum.
We understand the addiction and the medical experts do so you are not alone.
You will gain this knowledge and strength in recovery. Gambling is not the answer to what you really seek.
You think about it because you are hooked on the chemical surges in your body...you are hooked on the desperation of thinking it could all come right or you will get some of your money back. Your form of gambling wont take pity on you...same odds and its not an income scheme or a get it back later scheme...its a mugs game of pure odds stacked well against you.
Its linked to depression but it wont help you. Its a drug addiction. It give s temporary escape but the fix becomes weaker and weaker. In the end the addiction compels you to play and you just feel miserable while gambling. It just makes your problems worse. as you say you cant control it because your own mind is controlling you
When you understand the addiction you will understand the help you need. Its not about being silly with money and your family will understand that given time.
Dont be alone with it...keep talking here and go to a gamblers anonymous meeting.
Are you ready for a born again moment because when you are the sense of relief will ease your burden .
The answers are within you. You dont seem happy at home but how is gambling going to sort that out? Gambling kills people! You need to stop right now and get all the help you need. Im afraid you are going to be on a sandwich allowance to save your life...Do you understand the seriousness of it all?
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hey, Thankyou for your response, it was very clear and did make me think. Honestly, I am aware of how serious it is deep down as it’s all ready ruined a lot of things which were important to me.
Im not happy at home at all, but your right gambling won’t change that. And that’s when I become lost.
I rang gamecare previously and just cried, put down the phone and couldn’t call again.
Meetings have been advised. I just need to get over the fear to attend one.
So many of us in here can understand your feelings and relate to your pain. But believe me seeking help will be the best move you ever make. If you continue to gamble your life will only get worse. Phone the help line and it doesn't matter if you cry that's fine. I used gambling to escape from pain and grief, but it is never the answer. You need to learn to separate the addiction from the depression. Easier said then done I know but there is help out there. If a group session terrifies you then you can try one to one counselling. No matter what remember you are never alone and there is always some one to talk to. Good luck in your recovery and stay strong and positive.