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Chania32
(@chania32)

Hi all my name is Chantelle and I have had a gambling problem for the last 10 years, it started after I lost my mum, I have been doing quite well the last 4 months started a new job, wasn't gambling started getting back on my feet, I don't know what possessed me but Friday when I got my wages I reopened an account that I had closed and I gambled every penny, I have no money for food or gas and electric and have a 6 year old daughter to provide for, I do not know what I am going to do, I have been up for the last 2 night s applying for loans everything you could think of but my credit is so bad I was refused. I feel like the worst mother in the world and hate myself severely, how could I do this to my child, my stomach is in knots and burning I cant.eat or sleep I just don't know where I'm going to get any money to get me through

This topic was modified 1 month ago by Chania32
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Posted : 20th October 2019 11:34 am
takenafirststep
(@takenafirststep)

Hi Chantelle thankyou for your story. 

I also have lost my mum. This month is the anniversary I have hardly gambled in recent months. I gambled all my wages and more but it was tied in with nightmares and believing mum was telling me to do it and all will be okay and it's proper scared me how I was so convinced it was the right thing to do. 

I also searched endless loan companies before being refused and realising borrowing more money isn't the answer. 

I signed up for gamcare and installed gamban.. Went cold turkey and haven't gambled for 11 days. 

I am talking to a gambling Councillor if that's the right word and gonna get extra support for the bereavement side. 

I have been honest with my bank and companies and some people have wavered charges or changes my date to help support me. 

Of course its not gonna be without its complications I still owe money to PayPal as didn't realise it doesn't come out straight away and. At the. Time. I had. Money. Also I'll be stunned in charges for refused debits but what Ive realised is I believe everything happens for a reason and there is prob a good reason n while I'm. In this. Mess so please don't feel you are alone. There are free debt management companies that can help and the live chat people on here can prob direct you to some support for finances grief and gambling support I have found this network amazing 

 

Good luck and you. Will be okay xx

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 12:35 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @chania32,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Forum, you'll find a really supportive community here so please do keep posting for additional support. Please remember that you're not alone in this and that we're here for you.

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you and your daughter at the moment, I'm concerned that you're struggling with meeting essential living costs and want to make sure you get all the help, support and guidance you need with this and overcoming problem gambling.

There are local food banks in your area, please visit the below link to find your closest one.

www.trusselltrust.org

It would also be good to contact The Citizens Advice for further help with your financial situation so they can talk you through any options available for getting help with money, gas and electric. It may also be worth contacting your local council to see if they can help with a crisis or government loan, these are often only available under certain criteria but it's worth exploring all options.

I'm also sorry to hear of the loss of your Mum, it must be extremely painful for you and I wonder if you might consider having some kind of talk therapy sessions or telephone conversations to help you come to terms with this and your emotions? There may be some emotional links with your loss and turning to gambling as form of coping, we would always encourage you to find other ways to come to terms with your grief. We can discuss this in more detail if you would like to contact us please?

You can arrange referrals for talking therapy through your GP, it would be good to open up about your feelings and your trouble with sleeping and eating. There are also additional websites and helplines that are available to help with this, we can sign post you to these so you can access their support too.

Gambling can often bring a change to a persons characteristics and see them develop new traits when it becomes problematic, please remember that you're battling problem gambling and that we are to help you overcome this. There's so much help available and there is hope for the future, we can work through everything together. 

You have already achieved becoming gamble free and we know you can do it again, it can help to remember what you did in this time that you found helpful and try doing the same again.

We would encourage you to open up to any additional support network you may have around you, I know this can be a scary thought but it can help to release the burden of keeping everything a secret and perhaps open up other forms of help.

Perhaps speaking to your daughters School would also really help so they can support you and look at any additional ways they can help your daughter such as free school meals if she isn't already receiving them? 

A conversation with your work place may help too so they are aware of the situation and can talk through a way that they can best support you too.

Please know that we are here for you to talk to, you can call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our netline through the day and night so we can work out a plan together.

Please be kind to yourself Chantelle, you've made a really big step in contacting us today so that we can help you with this and overcoming the problem gambling. We just want to make sure you and your daughter are ok and support you to get back on track with everything.

Kindest Regards

Joanne

Forum Admin

 

This post was modified 1 month ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 12:45 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

Thanks for your reply it sounds like you have had a terrible time to, well done on your progress you should be really proud. I know borrowing money is not a smart move but I literally have nothing, I have not slept since friday, both my meters are on the emergency. I don't qualify for any help from the DWP as I work, I have applied for a.welfare grant and gas and electric voucher from my local council and have been refused as I don't meet the criteria and have also been in touch with the local. Citizens advice and do not meet the criteria for food vouchers off them either, I feel all my avenues are exhausted, I don't know what I can do I really dont. The self loathing at this point is sky high, every time I look at my child I die a little inside, how could I do this to us?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 12:50 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

Thanks joanne, I also lost my brother two years ago and it hit me hard, I do think I need some sort of counselling. I'm going to look up trusselltrust now as all my other options are no good.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 12:53 pm
Oranje01
(@oranje01)

Hi Chantelle, 

im so sorry you’re going through a tough period. You might not think it at the moment but you can get through it. I remember the moment when I was refused credit and had to sell stuff precious to me at cash converters at a huge loss and still didn’t have money to get to work. I was out of options and started having suicidal thoughts. I talked GamCare many times and decided I wasn’t going to give in. I sought help emotionally, financially and practically. It’s only been 4 months but I’m very slowly rebuilding my life. 
please hang in there it will get better ✊

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 1:41 pm
Spendlikewater84
(@spendlikewater84)

Hiya 

I'm sorry to hear what your going through.  I'm also a mum and have been in your position.  The advice that's been given to you is very good.  I'm 35 days gf and been at rock bottom.  I wish someone had of helped me. 

Keep your chin up 

Xx 

This post was modified 1 month ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 2:44 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)
Posted by: Oranje01

Hi Chantelle, 

im so sorry you’re going through a tough period. You might not think it at the moment but you can get through it. I remember the moment when I was refused credit and had to sell stuff precious to me at cash converters at a huge loss and still didn’t have money to get to work. I was out of options and started having suicidal thoughts. I talked GamCare many times and decided I wasn’t going to give in. I sought help emotionally, financially and practically. It’s only been 4 months but I’m very slowly rebuilding my life. 
please hang in there it will get better ✊

Well done 4 months is amazing, I hope you continue! Just speaking to people on here has given me a bit of hope, I have been looking round my house sonce Friday for anything to pawn and I don't have anything at all, at this point I'm out of options really, thank you for your reply it is comforting to know I am not alone x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 3:08 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

Also a big well done 35 days is brilliant, I hope you keep it up xx

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Posted : 20th October 2019 3:11 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

How long do I have to wait for my reply to be approved? Some are still awaiting moderation from nearly four hours ago?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 3:30 pm
anon1982
(@anon1982)

Hi Chantelle

Im so sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time and can feel your pain. In the past I have been where you are right now after gambling my whole months wages before paying rent, doing food shopping and paying bills. The ducking and diving to survive until the next payday, not knowing which way to turn. The not knowing what to do and the despair. 

If you think about everything you have to pay or fix right now, you will drive yourself crazy with worry and despair. Just focus on one thing at a time and in priority. The first thing is to make sure you have food for you and your daughter.  Do you have a family member or friend who can lend you a small amount to get shopping to tie you over? Or as admin have suggested trying your local food banks. I know it’s not the ideal solution but I have been where you are, applying for loans and being refused so I put a few bits in cash generator to get the bare necessities. Yes, you have to pay extra to get your stuff back or lose it but having food in your stomachs is more important then having gadgets right now. 

Whatever you do, please make sure you’ve put all the blocks in place so if you do get some money for food, you don’t feel tempted to try and just win a little. We’ve all been there and it will only end in tears. I assume from your post you gamble online, have you signed up to Gamstop? If you haven’t, I can not recommend it enough. I like you would blow most of my wages playing online slots within a day or two of payday. Since joining Gamstop I haven’t played any online slots, even though I’ve been tempted to, Gamstop has really, really helped. 

I don’t know whether you’d be interested but I’d be happy to swap details through gamcare if you wanted someone to talk to as and when you needed. Right now you need someone who you can talk to so you don’t drive yourself crazy, whether that be confiding in a family member, a friend or even a stranger. You need some support. I hope you’re okay. 

Sending a virtual hug. 

Bex

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 10:55 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

Hi bex thanks for your reply, I don't when mine will appear, I've been waiting for my other comments to be posted for 10 hours, I have no one to lend me any money, all I've done all day is ask people and they all said they have nothing spare, I haven't even got anything to Pawn. Think food bank is my only option right now aǹd yes I would like to swap details as I don't have anyone to talk to about this, thank you x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 11:03 pm
anon1982
(@anon1982)

Sorry, I thought I’d read all the posts and have just seen you have already tried a lot of the options. Have you considered approaching hr at your work to see if they can offer a small advance on next months wages just so you can get food, electric and gas. You don’t have to tell them all of the full details but maybe explain due to unexpected expenses you are in a real difficulty. Some employers will do this, I had to do this a few months back when I really screwed up and they approved it. It’s at least worth a try and if you email to the person who deals with payroll, it will remain confidential. 

Bex

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 11:03 pm
anon1982
(@anon1982)

I will contact admin with my email address and ask if they can pass it on to you so we can exchange details via them. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 11:06 pm
Chania32
(@chania32)

Bex I work for the council I don't think they do anything like that tbh x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th October 2019 11:07 pm
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