Hi there, my name is Jonathan and I am a compulsive gambler. I started back in 2012, it started by attending live bingo, and I had a small win.
It all went down hill from there, started online gambling, bingo, slots, the lot! I ended up spending my whole childhood savings of 12k within a month or 2. I then proceeded to take out loans, which of course was the worse decision I made ever! Spent the whole lot and more, went into debt of around £2k.
Then came the day that really was strange, I actually won....! I paid off all my loan debts, and had some left over. Life was grand, this was it, this was what I had been waiting for, now my life was sorted and I could relax...….! WRONG, oh so very wrong. I enjoyed seeing the money in my account for....hmmm 1 day, I then proceeded to spend the rest of it over the next few months, until it had gone, it was like I wasn't satisfied until it had all gone away, strange huh!
Got some more loans out and carried on...… My parents then found out when I couldn't pay a bill and my parents opened a letter of mine accidently and then it all spilled out..... cut the first part of my story short, my parents helped me, they supported me with the loans and paid it all back.... that was that!!
Part 2 - pretty much exactly 2 years later, and I started gambling again, I mean what could go wrong? I know that I cant afford to go crazy with my spending but I could afford a couple of hundred pounds, right? WRONG! I then got hooked again, loans, etc etc. I then proceeded to end it by just telling my parents what a prat I was and I am sorry, they again helped me and we agreed for me to see a counsellor. So off I went to Brighton, and had 1 counselling session, I opened up completely, the counsellor was shocked at my honesty, and said in all truth you don't need any more sessions, you have completely opened up to me here, and I think you have answered all your own questions, she gave me her number and that was that. A one off Slot, and I felt confident that was the end of that.....!
Again, 2 years later (See a pattern emerging?) I started again, now I knew from my previous 2 times that I wouldn't be able to spend much but the odd £20 pound here or there a month would be fine, yeh! No problem at all, WRONG!
Credit cards, Loans, the lot all came out again and then for a third time I had to admit to my parents my problems. This was about 2 years ago!
I am here, because I have literally just spent my wages on gambling, I can't get out of this mess, what do I do now? I have written an email to my parents, explaining everything and I am hovering over the send button. I am scared as this is the 4th time now! I need help. I'm a Compulsive Gambler.
Please, any advice for me? I am really struggling.
J.
Hi Jonathon it's not your parents problem it's yours. Until you feel the consequences and start sorting your own debt you will continue the cycle. Contact gamcare, put blocks in place. You cannot gamble. Take responsibility for your actions.
Thank you for your honest opinion. I absolutely agree, it is my problem not theirs, which is exactly why I didn't want to involve them at all. I have sent the message, and am nervously waiting for them to call me back so I can explain everything.
Hi.... If you do decide to tell your parents, you need to do in the context of what you are doing to try and help yourself. Registering with gamstop is an absolute must. It will stop any online gambling in its tracks and of course with the current pandemic, bookies etc are closed, so this will stop you gambling and give you breathing space to get back to good headspace and get some gamble free time behind you.
I do relate to your thoughts though. I am quite self-aware but over the years I haven't used that self-awareness to help myself. In fact I have been completely irresponsible to myself and that's ultimately what needs to change. The child within is has been quite a powerful force.
You are a compulsive gambler but your also much more than that, your a thinking feeling human being and you deserve better.
Read and write.. all the best
Hi Jonathon it's not your parents problem it's yours. Until you feel the consequences and start sorting your own debt you will continue the cycle. Contact gamcare, put blocks in place. You cannot gamble. Take responsibility for your actions.
agreed i don't see what your parents are supposed to do ?
other than possibly offer another financial bail out all they can do is worry about you which isnt really fair
gambling is a very selfish addiction it makes us belive that we are the centre of the universe, when you wake up to the cold light of day you realise that its actually just a really stupid thing to keep doing all the time
theres no magic fix we can offer you , get your exclusions completed and start paying off your debts
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am finding this comforting, even though you talk directly and bluntly, I do agree with what is being said
Are you hoping for another bailout?
You've already proved several times that doesn't work. If you want your parents' help, refuse any offers to pay your debt again. That's your problem to solve. Let them control your finances then contact a charity such as Payplan for free advice on repayment options. Get your blocks in place, sign up for Gamcare counselling and look for GA meetings. You need to get to the root of what is driving the compulsion.
Hi Jonathan,
Good to tell your parents so you’re not hiding anything from them but that’s it. They should not bail you out as it evidently did not work in the past. If they pay for your debt, you need to pay them every penny back with reasonable interest if possible. You have to take consequences for your action. Encourage your parents to contact gamcare so they can have support on how they can help you without enabling you. You should make every effort not to gamble again, not even flipping a coin. There is no safe bet for a compulsive gambler. Stay away from it, attend GA meetings, install gamstop and talk to people. Be out in the open about it. There is hope but you should make the active effort and acknowledge that you are ill, you need the right support and you will aim not to gamble again.
Pep
hi i am compulsive gambler. since 2016 non stop everyday i'm *** in debt and gambled over *** in the 4 years. i'm know with calico.. i have a sponsor. i'm 21 days into remission of no gambling. BY sending that email to your parents your basically asking them to sort your mess out. therefore you don't feel the full force of the consequence. so your not letting it have the desire impact on your life its needs you to have to make you never want you to gamble again. i wouldn't say your a compulsive gambler as you seem to do it for a few months and the stop for multiply years. the counselling sounds c**P!! doesn't matter how honest you are THAT is just the first step. you need to be now taking away the layers of yourself to get to the root of why you gamble then tackle that root and put it into a positive force. i'm honest about my gambling but honesty does not fix it. you the gambler not your parents and a gambler will always gamble when they know someone will sort out there mess. hope they don't help you because trust me with every kindness in my heart it what you need
Thanks so much Pep for your advice, Yes I will be paying my parents back every penny no question. I have to rebuild trust for sure. Long journey ahead, will certainly install Gamstop and speak to a specialist, I am determined to make it work but will take a long time.
Good luck on your journey Johnathan...it's better in the long run to be open and honest with our family. No matter how much we put them through the ringer they'll always find the love to stand by us and support us when needed. I'm going to counseling at the moment and it might not be the answer for everyone but sometimes it's good to open up to someone who doesn't judge
I agree with everyone if u get a bail out each time you can do it again, don't accept their hard earned money, pay the debt on your own and treat it as a lesson for yourself as to why not do it again. You will feel soo much better after paying it back on your own.
Thanks for your kind words Packer. It is very difficult. I am sure we both will get through it though.
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