I agree with Gary. I always knew what I had to do and would half heartedly self exclude from that one site I had been playing on that day finding another one when I had been paid and forgotten the distress I had felt the last time I had lost all my money.
Be honest with yourself tonight, not self depreciating or berating but is tonight the last time?
I am really lucky that my Husband has been so supportive and my first step was that I promised I would tell him when I gambled and how much. This meant that it wasnt a secret and I wasnt lying.
Put the blocks in place, identify what happened that made you gamble the last time you did it and when you feel like that again what are you going to do to stop yourself.
My first distraction was colouring in and jigsaws....no im not 85 but it actually didnt demand anything of me and gave me the same space/void of escapism I needed from gambling.
I have gone on quite a bit, so I will stop now. Just keep getting up every morning and make a decision im not going to gamble for the next hour, soon the hours become a day, days become a week and before you know it you will say a decade ago etc.
Be honest ...you can do this!!!
You need to find your nearest GA meeting and get there. You have to accept you have no control over gambling, whats gone is gone, but you have a positive future ahead of you, a gambling free future, there is so much to look forward to.
However the first thing you need to do is get some actual real support, in person from people who will exactly know where you are at and how it feels. Please look up your local GA meeting, and get there. You can put this nightmare as you call it behind you, but you can only do it one day at a time, remember this, there is only one bet you need to avoid, the next one.