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Tom_Tom
(@tom_tom)

Hi everyone I’m looking for some advice I have been hiding my addiction from my partner and my family I’ve got into the position last night I wasted £800 in the space of a few hours I have put in some controls to start to help me I have put blocking software on my phone which has now not letting me on any betting sites. 

I need help in how do I tell my family I have a 6 month old baby girl and another on the way with my partner of 4 years. I don’t want to lose them all I feel I will if I tell them the truth. I’m currently looking at getting a loan to mop up my debt I have forced on my self and family. 

any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks 

Tom 

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Posted : 25th January 2021 3:49 pm
Callum2397
(@callum2397)

Hi Tom,

Firstly, well done on putting up blocks! That is a big step and also coming to the forum is another big step. I would recommend self excluding for 5 years from as many places as you can, blocking gambling transactions via your bank and using gamstop. I would advice not outing yourself in more financial strain if you can afford it, maybe consider a loan after telling family, as they may be able to help. 

I had to tell my girlfriend after months of lying and trying to cover it up, she was naturally devastated at first, however eventually we managed to work through it. This is an illness and disease, they may not understand it, but if you show willing (which you have) to fight and control this then I am sure it will be ok. 

It is ridiculously hard to tell people, but telling my girlfriend was the best thing I ever did and was 100% the turning point for me. 

Good luck and all the best,

Callum

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th January 2021 11:25 pm
maxmaher
(@maxmaher)

best advice is to get your head down for a few months and stay on the wagon 

its still very early doors so be wary of complacency 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2021 9:50 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@tom_tom If you think you are a compulsive gambler you will find that you are normally a compulsive liar too. The two seem to go hand in hand. What I have found over the years is that if I'm dishonest or if I keep something from my wife(when I did have one), was that it gave me a route back to gambling.

You can get a loan and cover the loses, but what happens if one month you can't, or you don't want to and would rather try and win back the payment? What happens when the second baby comes and money is tighter? You'll use it as an excuse to try to win back your loan money.

My advice is to be honest with her from now about everything. Not for her benefit but for yours. It will not be easy for her to hear but you won't be carrying around the 1. possible guilt, and 2. the burden.

The fact that you have already put some blocks in place will also go a long way for your benefit. You aren't being made to because she has found out but you want to because you want to put this addiction down.(If I understand correctly).

My own ex-wife and other partners I talk to have nearly all said they all thought there was something going on but didn't know what. My mood would change(I didn't see it) or they thought it was an affair. By being honest you are giving them some trust back which has been missing.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy, but this will help with your abstaince. Deep breath, be honest.

Good luck

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2021 11:54 am
Cat30
(@cat30)

I am the partner of a horrific gambler  this is not me having a go at you.

Just what I wish I'd stuck to being that person.

 

I thought I was helping meeting in the middle, accounts closing and daily limits.

But unfortunately I was wrong. He was wrong.

It only lasts so long

Honestly just block yourself from everything.

It isn't worth the pain 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th January 2021 3:40 am
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