Glad to arrive at this Forum, been gambling for a long time and lost a fortune, it’s strange to be putting my thoughts on paper, but it helps me to focus....my gambling has escalated since I started playing roulette machines in the bookies, people say it’s the crack C*****e of betting and that’s so true.
I can play the machine for hours, I’m in a vacuum and nothing else matters, I often win and know I should walk out, but something compels me to continue and I’m never satisfied until I have lost every penny in my pocket !
I’m am glamourise gambling, I get lost in its seductive charms, but I realise my behaviour is not rational, I have an urge to lose and sometimes question what is driving my irrational behaviour ?
rather than talk anymore about gambling, I want to put strategies in place to stop...
ive cut up my cards, and restricted access to cash.
Looking for new interest to divert my thoughts
this is my Day1 and it’s good to find a safe haven where I can come and feel accountable.
Ive learnt over the years that I can’t do this on my own and I need the strength of everyone on this forum and I will gladly give my support to you all.
I ran the London marathon 8 years ago and on many occasions I wanted to stop and quit, but other runners stooped and talked to me, encouraged me and gave me hope....stopping gambling is another marathon, it’s a long challenging journey so please let’s support each other along the way.
this is my Day1 the start of my toughest challenge !
Hopefully back tomorrow for Day2
I’m going to enter this in the journal page and will track my journey every day
Day 2 passed and all was well, kept myself busy doing other things.
im going to look into banning myself from betting shops today, in the back of my head I believe I could gamble in the future for fun, small stakes etc but that’s a total fantasy, I acknowledge I can never gamble because it will trigger a desire in my compulsive behaviour, there is no acceptable level I have to abstain 100%.
writing this down makes a difference, I’m accountable to myself and you guys.
Day 3, had a few thoughts, but nothing to tempt me back...I’m strong at the moment, determined to stop, I,ve always found gambling catches me when I’m unaware, when I’m not resolute and it encourage me to make a small bet, that always the start of my downfall...so I have to be alert...I really want to beat this.
A situation occurs where I want to buy something, normally quite cheap Less than £10 and invariably I’ll have £100+ in my pocket and I get a mindset to have a small bet and win enough to buy the item, irrational but I fall off the wagon, start gambling and will invariably lose the full £100+, there’s no logic to this, but it’s happened so many times.
this is my Day 3 and I accept that I am a compulsive gambler in search of enlightenment,
Day 6, long way to go, but maintaining a strong mental resolve......really trying to fill my days with alternative activities, wasted so many hours of my life in the betting shop, used to run there to place a bet, if I lost too much in one, I would move to another one , too many bookies on the high street , I have 3 within 50 metres.....
I can’t change the past, but I can influence the future ...I know I’m weak and I pray for strength everyday to keep away from gambling.
still feeling strong, but I have had thoughts about gambling, but still managing to abstain.
I try to analyse what I’m doing, won large amounts but can never stop, only seem happy when I’ve lost it all....walked out of betting shops with nothing on so many occasions, when I’m playing the machines I’m in strange void, locked in and invariably chasing a big win...I’ve played for hours, time has no meaning.
I am a compulsive gambler and I have a gambling problem, I say this to myself as I need to constantly acknowledge the fact....the strange thing is I’ve only stopped gambling for a week, but I already have more money in my pocket at the end of the day than I ever did !
my tip is till to keep busy and do things with family and friends, really pleased the lockdown will close betting shops again, no temptation for at least a month !
Day 17 and a moment for reflection.....I seem to be having many of these at the moment...
therea phrase that ‘money burns a hole in your pocket’. This is definitely true when gambling for oh so different when you are abstaining ! Over the last 10 days I have £50 in my wallet, if I need to buy anything I do and today when I counted my cash i had £38....when I gambled this never happened, all I would do is gamble every pound away, even when I won, I could never put it back in my account, because that would mean I couldn’t gamble it !!!! When I won my strongest desire was to gamble and try to win again tomorrow, and if I did win the next day I would be compelled to gamble again and again until I had lost it all.....
i wish I knew what drove the compulsion, but it was a force of immense power! So for the first time in many weeks, I have money in my pocket...but my greatest prize this weekend was going for a walk with my wife and son this morning in the park, previously I would never commit any time to such a simple activity as all my time was designated to gamble....
we all talk about the thousands and thousands of pounds we’ve lost, but this evening I ask you to do the same calculation I did earlier end equate how many hours/days/years have been lost gambling ?
so I’m back to where I started...quietly reflecting and praying for strength to continue my exclusion from gambling....