Good morning.

Welcome. I totally understand you. It is not easy to light a stick of dynamite under a kitchen table and see what happens but for your own peace of mind, you will not be happier by being silent about it. Now, do not me wrong. She will not save you from your addiction as she is just along for the ride only you can do that. You should tell her because you need to own the problem. Next time you think about placing bets on 29 or 13 or whatever nr appeals to you I would seriously challenge your conscious mind with one question. Why am I here playing? Why am I doing this really? It is harder than you think. You may not have a clear thought in your brain or you may not get an answer of any sorts but it makes you mindful of the moment and that is where you need to be. You are playing roulette out of repetitive memory. That means you learnt it once thought it was fun and then it became routine. Then the routine becomes a compulsion and then stress and then a horror movie that you wish you could wake up from. It is primitive behaviour we have. We act on impulse /trigger before we even make the decision to play and when the stop signs are knocked down there is not much holding back the driving.

Ask yourself why. Take time and know you. Running the rat race just to fix the problem is not going to get you there. Mindfulness will get you into some state of mind where you can get perspective.  Use the recourses here they are good and you may be like me a more private individual then you will have a chance of talking helping and getting involved. Every little thing helps.

All the best.

C

Hello @sensesfail,

Welcome to the GamCare forum. It can't have been easy to come on here and ask for help, especially after 12 years. Like @c43h, we understand that it's not easy to contemplate telling your partner what is going on. These things have a way of coming out though. We hear from a lot of partners here, and they tell us they would much rather have been told than have to find out another way. The decision has to be yours though, you are the one who has to live with the consequences.

You've said you're planning to put blocks in place and are open to suggestions which is great. You might find the following info useful:

Self-exclusion:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/self-exclusion/

Blocking software:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/

If you'd like to talk to an Adviser for more info on self-help strategies and free treatment options, we're available on 0808 8020 133 or on Livechat, 24 hours a day.

Keep posting,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi @sensefail

I urge you to tell her.  This will massively help with your recovery because hiding it from her will just torture you.  My suggestion is for you to list down the things you intend to do to help with your recovery and talk her through it.  This helped when my partner confessed to me as it demonstrated that he was serious and taking the lead in his recovery.  If you're both up for it, let her monitor your finances.  Give her access to your credit reports and bank transactions.  Register yourself to Gamstop, self exclude from land based casinos and betting shops.  Switch to Monzo banking (they block all gambling transactions).  Go to GA meetings (via zoom at the moment).

She will know one day any way. She will be heartbroken initially at the very least but she deserves to know.  I am yet to hear a success story from someone who managed to keep it a complete secret from their significant other.  You need the support of your partner or at least be free from the guilt that you currently have hiding things from her.  In my experience I appreciated it that my partner told me himself.  I wished I was told sooner though.  I had no idea but when he told me about it, everything made sense. The mood swings, last minute borrowing of money from me, staying in the loo for ages etc.

I would like to believe we now have a stronger relationship as we're now both open to each other. I know we're in this together as long as he keeps on giving his best shot to stay away from gambling.

Hey everyone. Thanks for the replies and very helpful advice. Sorry I haven't got back in touch as quick as I would of liked. I have been busy at work which is always extremely helpful and I've also been trying to stay away from my phone to get a breath of fresh air not only trying to stay away from gambling but social media ect. I haven't been on a gambling website since Sunday now, I'm feeling good about it. I can't remember a day that went by where I didn't deposit money so 3 days feels like a massive achievement already. I'm still getting used to this website. Is there a page where you can do your own diary or something? I like the sound of that as it will keep me occupied.

Many thanks.