Do I stay with him?

As a compulsive I would say that if you were my daughter I'd say finish the relationship unless you are happy to have years of pain, difficulties paying for anything, buying a house, etc, etc.

He's still gambling - it will get far worse before it gets better. It might never get better

Why throw your life away.

Thank you for your reply and advice. 

Yesterday we met and he broke down sobbing to me which I've never seen before that he was in such a bad place due to his gambling that he had thought about hurting himself. He said that yesterday he woke up with a feeling of clarity, he had money there but didn't want to gamble it. He's talked about getting real help and has asked me to help him do it. 

What would your opinion on this be?

How does he gamble, is it online? If so ask him to sign up to Gamstop, today. If he doesn't then he's not ready to stop. 

Hi,

If he is serious then consideration should be given to attending GA and/or counselling (which can be arranged by Gamcare i think).

Words are easy - actions are difficult.

Consider removing all his access to finances. Cash. Credit cards whatever. No cash = no gamble. If he is unwilling you need to question his actions as it is now serious.

You are in control. Not him. Tough love and honesty is needed. He does deserve some help. Up to him whether he accepts it.

Best

I'd agree with Bal (gamblers anonymous is perhaps the best option), with the exception of this....

"Consider removing all his access to finances."

He has to give you control, you can't take it. He is not your child.

Help him as a close friend would. Maybe put the relationship on pause.

If he wants to stop, he is doing it for himself rather than you.

Always remember, us gamblers are skilled liars and manipulators however much we deny it.

You might consider attending Gam-anon (for partners) to get better insight and support.

I really appreciate both your replies.

He has asked me to take his money/cards etc he's also asked me to go to bookies with him to fill out the banning forms, this is the first time he asked or told me anything like this. It was also the first time I saw him truly upset and at an all time low, he's also discussed seeing a councillor and I would definitely look into seeking help and support for myself too.

I know I can't do anything for him but I want to believe he is serious and to help as much as I can 

It's a decent start.

I would encourage him to give gamblers anonymous a try. It's not for everyone, but it will give him a decent framework to make quitting permanent.

Money is often only a symptom of gambling, its helpful if he can understand why.

Whether he bets on line or not, I would strongly recommend he registers with gamstop (it takes maybe 10 mins) and to self exclude for 5 years.

Good luck to you both.

He would be more than welcome to share his story and get support on here.

He has went to GA before and has said it usually helps him so is planning on going back to meetings 3 times a week, he is also excluded from online betting.

I really appreciate your advice.

Thank you!!

Hi

You can  support him from a position of knowledge and strength.

You can  support him once you are fully protected financially and the roof over your head is safe from a financial point of view.

You can support him if he is fully ready to stop.

Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with an active gambler.

Gambling is a drug addiction after careful study. Its complex and it thrives on issues within the soul. The money is not the main driving factor. The  chemical addictions within the brain are.

The key is the signs that he is ready to stop and grateful for help. However hard as it may sounfd you can never be complacent about this.

So all money and cards controlled by you. Access to his credit reports on a regualt basis and an understanding that he is not sourcing money from his friends.

Believe me losing that trust is NOTHING compared with how gambling ruins people.

If he is honest the reasons why gambling gets hold become clearer. The answers are within him. Gambling was never the answer to what he was seeking. Its most probably and escape that got him hooked like all drugs

The Goal is a serenity when everything clicks into place and he sees the light. He will wonder why he ever did it. Its a serenity he never believed possible which is why it relies on a born again moment.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum