Depressed and in need of help.

Day 5

Hi Andy J,

I know the feeling, was in an exact same situation yesterday, everybody was watching football and kept talking about it. Somehow managed to stay clean and didn't make any bets. The disgusting part is that the voice inside of us keeps telling you that you would have won if you'd bet, we all know that's a lie. Happy to see you staying strong, 248 GF days is a hell of an achievement I would be more than happy if I have the same success in this battle.

Hello alwalm,

Thank you for your kind words, it's a wonderful thing when you can make somebody's day better with your support. God knows we all need it 🙂 Glad that you're having so much progress in your fight, I guess every gambling free day has a different spark of enjoyment to it, keep up the good work.

It's day number 5, the fact that I didn't gamble on the weekend makes me happy. Im so close to being gambling free for one whole week and frankly I don't even remember when was the last time I managed to stay off it for so long. Although my past mistakes keep popping up here and there, I still believe that everything ends well in my story.

Have a great day everybody!

Hi Sonny,

I admire your willpower massively, you've done a great job to resist that temptation as the easier option would have been to give in. The voice is always there and always willing to take an advantage when we're weak, it's the blockers and self-willing power that then take over. You're in arguably the hardest time in your recovery and you're abstaining well. Again to say I admire the push and power you have and you're aiding my recovery substantially so thank you. 248 days is as good as any, it takes exactly the same for us no matter what day to go back to Day 1, we all practice and run the same program, we're in this together.

Stay strong as always and let's keep pushing on to the week.

Andy (Compulsive Gambler 249 days GF)

Hello Sonny.

Hope you are ok. I don't have any words of wisdom (if I did I'd be telling them to myself!) but I would like to say take comfort in the fact that you are a lucky person. I understand you won't think so right now but others and yourself have commented on your young age. This gives you the luxury of time and of all this heartache becoming a dim and distant memory. If you can recover now, just think of all the anticipation and good things in life you'll be able to enjoy in future years. I truly wish you well.

Had a disgusting relapse. Lost all my money again, I don't know why, but I could not post my daily updates here for some time. Then I played poker with friends and won, I got drunk and went to the casinos, again I won. Today I tried to gamble just a little portion from my money and blew everything away... 

I don't know what's harder, surviving without any money for the next couple of weeks, or to be so ill from gambling. I hope somebody understands the frustration, I thought I had a good thing going guess I have to start over again, sorry if I let anyone down (really mean it). 

Ok, dust it off and start again.You need to realise that until you reinvent your life things will not change.Understand you will have to go cold turkey for a while and maybe stop the nights out for a bit, you will save money just by doing that.Drink seems to not help, sorry to preach but you sound like you need to throw everything at this in the early stages, I know how tough this sounds but it’s the only way.re invent a new you, do things differently, plan a different night out...gym, cinema, visiting friends at home? Believe me unless you change and stop gambling you will rarely be happy.A gamble free day and you are a winner, just remember that.good luck

Thanks a lot for the advice, believe me, I needed it. Whenever it seems, that I am in control of the situation, something new always pops up and ruins me over and over again. I hope I will stay clean for the rest of the month and start the next month, fresh without any thoughts of gambling.

I want to address one issue as well, apparently realising the scam gambling really is helps me to stay off it for some time. If anybody else is looking for any tips on how to stop thinking about it all the time, this would be my advice (from an addict himself you could say): just think about it with an open mind, a guy invests a huge deal of money to build a business for himself, he needs a licence for gambling (which costs a lot), a building, variety of gaming machines and gadgets, staff fees etc. As I already mentioned he does this to operate as a business which means, that he is looking for a profit, there is no way in hell that the customer of such place will ever be a winner, not a chance! As I see the gambling industry is designed to trick and lure normal, rational people into becoming addicts and they're getting rich of the common folk. It may sound like a parrot-cry of sorts, but whenever I think about it rationally, with an open mind I see myself (no offence to anyone) as a sheep, whose emotions and feelings are used by someone for their own benefits. To my mind, it's absolutely clear, that mental health problems and compulsive gambling are linked to each other and to think that some person or organisation, is using these factors for their own benefit by damaging you and the ones close to you, is just sickening and blows my self-esteem away for being so foolish. Believe me, this is not a rant against some business or somebody else, it’s just me realising my mistakes and wrong decisions, also acknowledging that I can never be normal again, I can never gamble just for fun. The fact that my emotional instability and problems are caused and used by someone for their benefit just kills my pride, and lowers my self-esteem below 0. Please understand, that this is not me trying to insult somebody, just giving my honest opinion on the subject.

I want to thank every one of you for kind words and advices, you people are the best, every time I come back to this website it somehow restores the faith that one day we will beat this terrible addiction.

Looking forward to seeing different opinions about the subject given above, healthy discussion always helps.

Be well and stay strong!

Day 2

Second day being gf, just started my shift. To be honest I am not beating myself too much about my slip up at this point and I see it as a positive. I accept the fact that I am in fact a compulsive gambler and there always will be hardships for that reason, but the key is to stay mentally strong and love yourself enough to try and become better. 

Good luck to all of you!

Chin up Sonny we can all slip. Forgive yourself dust yourself down and crack on. Keep your guard up . John

Hi

The recovery program is a healing program.

It is important to understand that we face one day at a time.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary we set up for our s elf.

I understand now that my addiction was a form of escape from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.

When I was in two prisons I did not feel responsible for my actions.

When I walked in to the recovery program prisons I did not feel responsible for my actions.

Today I now feel responsible for my healthy actions and for healthy words.

The amount of time and effort I put in to my recovery helped me from the unhealthy habit of wanting to escape in my fears.

Every painful event and emotional trauma in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

Over time I am more emotionally disconnected from all forms of gambling and my emotions towards gambling.

No matter when you gambled please keep going to meetings.

No matter if you do not have any money please keep going to meetings.

For me my recovery was very much like very slow baby steps.

I attend meetings today because I value myself today.

Regards Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

Hi mate. 

Hope your okay I know you will pull through this you are battling demons at the moment. It's your descion where to turn now. The new forum makes it hard to find posts to be honest so I won't be in here much anymore but I know you can do this. Your story relates to mine In still depressed but without gambling it's one less thing to stress about. Have faith become spiritual