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Can't take anymore  

 
Amzer
(@amzer)

Hi,

I'm new to the forum but no stranger to reading everyone's stories.

I feel like I've reached the end of my ability to stomach this.

I have been gambling for years, online blackjack is my vice. 

I would vomit if I saw how much I've lost but the only saving grace is I'm not in debt.

I've managed to save more than I ever have this year, as myself and my partner are trying to buy a house, but needless to say I've P**sed away plenty of the savings recently.

My partner knows nothing. I lost my job because of covid so the only saving grace is he'll be applying for a mortgage solo and my finances won't come into it. He does think I have a lot more saved than I do though and I really think he'll leave me if he knows how bad I am.

He's the definition of stable while I'm the definition of unhinged.

I feel like this addiction will ruin me. The depths of depression I enter after sessions of degenerate gambling are terrifying. 

I'm feeling like life's not worth living with this demon hanging over me.

I have depression, OCD, anxiety and addiction. I've done everything, medication, therapy etc. 

Is there anything you've done to just get it out of your life for good without giving over financial control to someone else?

All I can think to do is change my debit card so that I don't know the number by heart and to leave it in the car so I never have access to it. 

I don't know, I'm at such a low point. It all feels hopeless and I'm only 30. 

Anyway that's my woe is me rant. Thanks for reading.

 

Quote
Posted : 5th June 2020 4:09 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi @amzer,

I'm sorry to read that things are so difficult for you at the moment and you're feeling so low. Well done for reaching out from where you are and asking for support and guidance. 

I'm sure other forum members will soon post to give you the benefit of their experiences, in the meantime, I encourage you to get in touch with our team of advisers who will listen non-judgmentally and talk through all the different options for support with you. They'll help you make a plan for moving forward. The Helpline (0808 8020 133) and Netline (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now) are staffed 24 hours a day, so there's always someone for you to talk to. 

You could also have a look at Gamstop, an online self-exclusion scheme that covers all UK-based gambling websites. You can sign up on their website and then they let the gambling operators know you want to be excluded, so you can't log into your accounts or sign up for new ones:
www.gamstop.co.uk

A lot of banks are now able to block gambling transactions from your account, so I recommend checking with yours if this is something they can do.

It's really important to have emotional support while you're recovering. We're here for you and there's lots of support available.

Kind regards,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th June 2020 6:28 am
Kay1892
(@kay1892)

Hi 

I know what your going through I started my own journey of recovery yesterday. 
what I have done to help myself is I came clean to my partner and told him everything yes I was hard but needs to be done ! Next I self excluded myself from all gambling websites and I have rang the bank to ask them to block any gambling transactions. 
you really need to try and be strong it’s going to be hard. I’m here if you need to chat. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th June 2020 9:15 am
Jill
 Jill
(@jill)

Hi.i was at the end at the behinning of last week. Please ring or use the chat to talk to an advisor on here. It saved my life. Also as hard as it is you need to tell your partner. If he loves you he will try to understand. You need those around you for support in this. I was at the point i thought my husband would leave me but we are stronger than ever because he knows i am getting the support I need. Take action before you end up in debt x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th June 2020 9:27 am
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya amzer I can only say the best thing is honesty as it clears so much pressure from your mind and it also makes you aware that people round about you are aware of your gambling so it's harder for you to hide it.I stopped for a year then just decided the other week to put  £10 on roulette,  what harm could it do I have bad mental health problems myself,  Well 1hr later I had lost nearly  £8000 what the hell it's money I never even have what could I say to my partner and kids how could I get passed this the gambling company doesn't want to help you they just want your money. Well I'm sat here today waiting on a church dropping me some food off how embarrassed I feel but I've no idea how I'm going to pay all my direct debits and Bill's.  Please get help and don't end up like me as it's not a life 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th June 2020 4:24 pm
Amzer
(@amzer)

Oh God, I'm so sorry to hear that Kev. 

Thanks for all your kind words. 

I hope for you that this is your "rock bottom" as they say and that it's all up from here.

I'm really sorry you find yourself in this position. It's a terrible affliction.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th June 2020 6:43 am
Amzer
(@amzer)

Thanks Jill. 

I have some friends who I can talk to. As much as I believe you're right about telling my partner I just can't face the guilt of that right now.

He works so hard and tries his best. He's even taken some financial pressure from me as I've lost my job and how do I repay him? I don't, I give it to the casinos instead. 

Hope you're well.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th June 2020 6:46 am
Amzer
(@amzer)
Posted by: Forum admin

Hi @amzer,

I'm sorry to read that things are so difficult for you at the moment and you're feeling so low. Well done for reaching out from where you are and asking for support and guidance. 

I'm sure other forum members will soon post to give you the benefit of their experiences, in the meantime, I encourage you to get in touch with our team of advisers who will listen non-judgmentally and talk through all the different options for support with you. They'll help you make a plan for moving forward. The Helpline (0808 8020 133) and Netline (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now) are staffed 24 hours a day, so there's always someone for you to talk to. 

You could also have a look at Gamstop, an online self-exclusion scheme that covers all UK-based gambling websites. You can sign up on their website and then they let the gambling operators know you want to be excluded, so you can't log into your accounts or sign up for new ones:
www.gamstop.co.uk

A lot of banks are now able to block gambling transactions from your account, so I recommend checking with yours if this is something they can do.

It's really important to have emotional support while you're recovering. We're here for you and there's lots of support available.

Kind regards,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

Thanks for all the advice. 

Unfortunately from researching gamstop I already know sites that get around it, it's the same with the apps. I've looked into my bank and they don't seem to offer that service. It will have to be old fashioned will power unfortunately. But this forum will help. Thanks 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 9th June 2020 6:56 am
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