blown the lot

Biggunner93, first of all, well done for coming on here and telling your story.

More importantly, tomorrow is another day. As long as you go to bed tonight safe, you will wake up and things may not seem as bad as you think. 

This is a disease and being consumed by it does not make you a bad dad. By the sounds of it, your little one will be lucky to have you as a dad. This is the drive you now have to stop. Sign up to gamblock, its free and is a great tool. 

Give the help number on here a call and talk to someone. Start a diary and keep a day count of how long you can go without gambling.

Most importantly, talk to your partner about it. It.may be easier to hand over financial control to them.

This can be beat. Whatever you do, you are going to be a daddy and every child deserves the chance to get to know their parents, so don't do anything rash. You sound like a good guy.

@biggunner93 A lot of people turn for help when they reach a rock bottom place or moment in their life. I say that you need to hit rock bottom to start building from the ground up, and I hope that your thoughts of ending it are rock bottom enough. 

You have every chance of beating this and your child need not know anything about your old life, but please do it because you have had enough. Enough of feeling like a degenerate gambler. 

It takes work but you can do it.

My advice through my own experience is to call and speak to one of the Gamcare advisers or to find your local GA room and meet other people like yourself who have been where you are. Who understand and will listen without judgement. 

Can you do that and come back on here and tell us what happened?

I look forward to it.

Chris.

 think i commented on a post of yours a good few months back doesn't appear the situation has changed a great deal since then 

its very easy for gamblers to wallow in self pity and come up with every excuse under the sun as to why they have gambled

unfortunately the buck stops with you , you have to decide that gambling is bad for your situation , you have to admit you dont have the money to gamble and you have to take responsibility for the damage you have done 

with all due respect posting anonymously on a forum is the very tip of the iceberg when it comes to battling gambling addiction the real progress takes a lot of hard work 

also please dont be under any illusion that a child entering your life will make you want to stop gambling , a child is a lot of responsibility and they are stressful if anything it will test your resolve to gamble even harder

you must begin taking responsibility now 

You need to install Gamblock. It helps a lot. You have to do it.

Posted by: maxmaher

 think i commented on a post of yours a good few months back doesn't appear the situation has changed a great deal since then 

its very easy for gamblers to wallow in self pity and come up with every excuse under the sun as to why they have gambled

unfortunately the buck stops with you , you have to decide that gambling is bad for your situation , you have to admit you dont have the money to gamble and you have to take responsibility for the damage you have done 

with all due respect posting anonymously on a forum is the very tip of the iceberg when it comes to battling gambling addiction the real progress takes a lot of hard work 

also please dont be under any illusion that a child entering your life will make you want to stop gambling , a child is a lot of responsibility and they are stressful if anything it will test your resolve to gamble even harder

you must begin taking responsibility now 

 

 

Maxmaher's post resonates with me. I've not bet in over 3 weeks, thankfully. But the line,  "the real progress takes a lot of hard work" rings true. Without doubt this is a tough, tough journey and ask. Moreover, feeling sorry for one self and deflecting have all been far too self-evident for me and He's right, the buck definitely stops with one's self! I hope Biggunner finds the motivation to quit for good. This is my goal too and advice like Maxmaher's post serve as a lightning rod. Thank you.

Get a grip... and I mean that in the most supportive way, even if you didn’t have a child on the way you’d still have “blown the lot”. I don’t mean to be harsh. But We all have reasons to save or spend our money on something that matters. We have to be honest with ourselves and accept the fact that we are weak...  we like the idea of winning easy money. That’s it, plain and simple, we look for an easy way out.  We know right from wrong, yet we still choose to gamble. Gambling doesn’t fix problems it makes them worse, believe me. let’s all take this post into consideration and understand that our lives matter and never believe that taking your own life will make anything better. we are choosing to do this to ourselves. Stop gambling at all costs for once in our lives and be happy for what we have . Congratulations on your great news of Going to become  a dad, all the best 

@rossr if you think we are weak then you misunderstand compulsive gambling. It has nothing to do with being strong or weak or willpower. It is an addiction which is stronger than just "getting a grip". It's not even about knowing "right from wrong". It's not even about winning easy money, although it might start out that way. Over time it goes from a habit to an addiction and unfortunately thinking of taking one's own life is a common thought. 

As I mentioned earlier in this thread, help is at hand in many forms, but the Gamcare advisors or a GA group are a great place to start.

Chris.

It has everything to do with being Weak or strong or  willpower, and to suggest it’s not is just incredibly bad advice.  A bad addiction granted but you can’t just say it’s nothing to do with being weak. Of course it is.  Stop always trying to sugar-coat it, if we gamblers give up gambling for a month and then go back to it it’s a sign of weakness. 

Just purely for my interest Craig do you feel the same way about alcoholics and drug addicts ,smokers people who suffer with depression? Do you view all addiction as a weakness, or is it that what you have done as a gambling addict still makes you feel uncomfortable ? Anger is a part of recovery but I feel angry because of my behaviour but not because I think I'm weak. I agree that we have a flaw in our personality but I don't view it as weakness if  I was weak I wouldn't of worked in a hard profession for 30 yrs and I have fellow nurses who have also succumbed to addiction.

@craig724 it isn't sugar coating it. I'm all for a tough talk, but it isn't about being weak. Strength comes from being at the bottom of the barrel and pulling yourself out with support from others. Strength comes from admitting your addiction and turning your life around, and to say that someone is weak because they can't do that shows a lack of the real problem.

At a certain point the gambling isn't even the problem, the gambler is, and it is incredibly difficult to stop and change. Firemen who would rush head long into a fire to save others but can't stop gambling. Are they weak? Policeman who deal with violent criminals day in and out, but can't stop gambling, are they weak?

What an addict needs is support from those who 1, undersand and can empathise, and 2, don't judge. Who is anyone to judge another unless they've walked in their shoes. 

As far as willpower goes, my only conceedence to willpower is I do have a choice to place my first bet, I do not have a choice once I've placed a bet, my illness is too great. The only times I have ever been able to stop is when there is nothing left to gamble and I have reached yet another rock bottom moment. Even then I don't believe I'm being strong, I believe that I've reached a point that enough is enough.

Get yourself down to a GA meeting and look around the room. Tell me after speaking to a group of mainly men but an increasing number of women from all backgrounds, professions and class if any of them are weak.

Chris.

@Charlieboy so many decisions you make in life is about being strong or weak, if you choose to gamble drink or do drugs after a while of not doing them, that initial decision is a weak one, it then draws you back in to your addiction which is obviously much harder to stay away from, but that Initial decision is a weak one regardless of however people try and spin it. An addiction and your working career has absolutely no relevance, but I do congratulate you on the dedication towards your chosen profession. 

@Chris you said ‘my only conceedence to willpower is I do have a choice to place my first bet’       Can you please enlighten me to why that isn’t a strong or a weak choice ?       I actually fully agree with your next comment about not having a choice after you’ve placed that first bet because then you are completely sucked in. Comparing a persons job as a firefighter or a policeman & gambling is just ridiculous and completely irrelevant. 

I couldn't disagree more Craig there has been massive relevance over the years with regards to some of the things I witnessed and ultimately finished nursing through with impacting my mental health and losing myself in gambling, however now through hard work, GA and this forum I have found a different way of dealing with flashbacks etc same as police/ firemen. I choose not to gamble anymore, I choose to go down a different path is that strength? Or is it just a different way of dealing with things that are uncomfortable?

You keep completely missing the point of my first comment, your using a profession as a cop out for that first Initial bit of weakness by giving in the first time, people not realising and not admitting that is just confirming that a person is still in denial. One of the hardest things as a gambler to do is to admit and take responsibility for their actions.  

@craig724 I was using the fireman and police professions as examples of strong people who still have addictions. They aren't weak. It is an illness.

I'm not using the addiction as an excuse for everything a person does, and I agree that taking responsibility for your own actions is a really important part of recovery, but that normally comes with hindsight and time away from a bet. Once your mind is less foggy and you're able to think straight. 

I broke many laws to continue with my gambling, something I wouldn't do when not gambling. I took responsibility but I felt powerless at the time as my only want was to gamble by any means possible.

There are varying degrees of this illness and reading your original post from when you first came on here you mentioned that you hadn't gone to the extremes that other had. Try to see that other people might have a different level of addiction and count your blessings that you were able to stop before it got too bad.

Chris.