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Back on gambling again  

 
Ameliasgran
(@ameliasgran)

Hi, stayed away from gambling for months, set savings goals and pay of debt goals then lost £1000 last night.  I hate myself and can’t see any future, I feel my husband would be better off without me.  I can’t tell him he would be devastated.  I feel like life is over for me.

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:18 pm
BenjyT96
(@benjyt96)

Hi Amelia.

I’m fairly new to this site, so well done on doing the right thing on getting help! You’re on the right track to restart your life.

2 days ago, I relapsed after 2 years of not gambling. The boredom of not working and just wanted to top up my savings to clear my debt off quicker. Didn’t go the way I planned(obviously!) lost a lot more than what you done.

The best thing I done was just be open, speak your mind, silence is a killer. My family and my girlfriend have supported me since this relapse. Blocked gambling on my debit/credit card, signed up to Gamstop and on my 2nd day of recovery. Although the pain of losing and letting everyone down is still there but it’s a new long road again to better my life.

Hope everything works out for you. 
All the best - Ben

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:23 pm
Ameliasgran
(@ameliasgran)

Hi Ben

i thought the same, win big clear debts but I can’t tell anyone I made so many promises last time.  I honestly feel like giving up on life.

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:29 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi Amelia you sound v depressed and I totally understand. Would you be open to counselling? I have found it v helpful . Access it via here I did ,speaking to someone who is non judgemental and can give you professional advice would be a good start. Well in fact you have already made a very good start by posting here so well done. I'm 32days today gamble free after gambling daily for a few years , past 1-2 years the destruction you have just described with big loses in short space of time. There is always hope so don't give up but you do need help. With best wishes

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:41 pm
BenjyT96
(@benjyt96)

Hi Amelia.

I did exactly the same as you. Made promises as I racked up £££££’s worth of debt. Still paying for it to this day.

As I broke the silence to my family, I cried and cried. They understood I had a problem. But since that I’ve felt relieved as they’re supporting and stuck by me. 

Isolating yourself doesn’t help! Speaking does, hopefully they can understand and get your recovery back on the road.

I wish you all the best

Ben

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:42 pm
Rambo227
(@rambo227)

Hi Ameliasgran,

I'm so sorry to hear of your relapse last night. It's a feeling a lot of us know all too well. We just cant help ourselves sometimes but what's done is done. You're in the right place to share your experience and get real support. I would really recommend telling your husband. You should confide in him as he is probably your best possible support. Telling my partner was the best decision I made in my life. I made it very late, after losing £30k and being in trouble with the police! The sooner you share, the better, it's a real weight lifted and not having to hide that side of me makes me feel a whole lot better! 

At first she was mad and didnt understand but problem gamblers, like us, are ill, it's not something we can turn on and off we just cannot help ourselves. Point him in the direction of the friends and family forum on here, it helped my partner understand my problem and how best to support me. I have been very lucky to have her by my side and I couldn't do this without her. 

Anyway, I am sorry again for what's happened but every time you think about gambling remember this feeling and use it to reinforce your willpower. 

Hope this helps and I hope you find your way back to normality. 

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Posted : 5th July 2020 12:42 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello Ameliasgran. Thank you for joining the forum and sharing your story. We know it's not easy to take that step and open up.

We're sorry you've been feeling so bad that you're feeling like giving up on life and thinking that people would be better off without you. We know that sometimes the problems gambling causes can seem insurmountable and it might feel like there's no solution. We hope that the support from other forum members, and their stories of their recovery, can help you see a way forward without gambling in your life. 

If you haven't already, please do contact our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We're here 24/7. We can offer advice about steps you can take to prevent yourself being able to gamble. We can also offer access to free treatment to help you make long term changes to your gambling habits.

If you've been having suicidal thoughts or feelings, it's very important for you to seek professional help as soon as possible. You may want to contact your GP as they are the first point of contact for specialist support. There are also a number of other services who can help:

Samaritans 116 124 (free call, 24 hours) or www.samaritans.org

Maytree: a charity supporting people in suicidal crisis in a non-medical setting in London. Offers short residential retreats in a safe and confidential space. Call 020 7263 7070 or email [email protected] Visit www.maytree.org.uk for more information.

Rethink Mental Illness: 0300 5000 927 (Mon-Fri, 10am-2pm) or www.rethink.org

Bipolar UK: www.bipolaruk.org

Sane: 0845 767 8000 (daily, 6pm-11pm) or email email: [email protected] / visit www.sane.org.uk

Mind: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm) or www.mind.org.uk

The Mental Health Foundation: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Remember you're not alone. You can always talk to an adviser on our helpline, or access the forum, or visit one of our chatrooms. There's also Gamblers Anonymous who offer support groups for people with gambling problems (face to face groups currently suspended - some groups have moved online).

Please do keep posting and update us on how you are getting on. 

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

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Posted : 5th July 2020 9:04 pm
Jadiebby85
(@jadiebby85)

Hi @ameliasgran your husband would be upset that you had a blip and gambled again, but do you really think that he’d be less devastated by losing you? Or that you’re even thinking that way about yourself!  
I think he would be completely mortified to know you are feeling this way and you think that your life means that little to him!!! 
This talk is the illness talking, it’s not rational and it is not true! Your doing the right thing coming on the forum, please please talk to someone and get some support! You are loved and you are a good person, try not to let the bad feelings take over! All the best jadie x

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Posted : 7th July 2020 10:18 am
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