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After 26 months gamble free..... I screwed up again so here I am.  


Hello everyone. My name's Matt. And as the title says, I went free from gambling for just over 26 months. Which I was so proud of. I went to meetings, gave over my finances. Talk about about my issues, sorted out my mental health. After 6 years of torture, theft and lies. I was in such a good place. Then lockdown arrived and it completely threw me off track. And nobody is to blame but myself. Little thoughts started arising again. And without nowhere to go. The urge just got more and more and I just caved. I had saved up so much money in the last couple years and in the space of 4 hours, over half of that is gone. I'm such a mess right now. The thought of having to tell my parents I've done this is a worrying thought as I need access to my savings to cover the loss of the last few hours. As soon as I came to realise what I've done, I've put up so many barriers again to stop me gambling anymore. I've gone back to everything that worked for those 26 months. But I know now I need more, maybe meetings weren't enough so maybe joining here will do me some good.


That's a long story cut short. Will try and get on here everyday from now on, whether it's to share more of my story or to help others. Here's to day 1 of not gambling again 😣 thanks for reading. Matt.

Posted : 4th July 2020 4:42 am

Hiya mtr 

I feel for you my friend we all know what it's like to lose alot of money at once or over a period of time, first things first that money gone your not going to see it again and if you go and Chase It do you really believe you will win as you sound like you know how the system works. I was gamble free for over a year then got an email from a gambling industry so I thought why not only  £10. 1hr later nearly  £8000 that wasn't even mine. Cut your losses get help from an adviser plus you've got to let your parents know plus show them your trying to change, show them some stories on the site as gambling is an illness and the worst addiction that I've ever known that can strip your shirt off your back in 5mins you need to stop and take all the help you can as we're in an evolving world to do with British gambling and they can't keep doing what they're well I know they've been pulled about it 

Posted : 4th July 2020 7:07 am

Hello Kev, I probably didn't explain myself the best there tbh. I'm not chasing my losses, I need to access my funds as the money during the night was loaned. My parents know, was difficult and some harsh words were said. They go to meetings themselves to get to know the illness we have better. So after some bad words were said, we have all calmed down and understand what's happened and what needs to be done. And now that's done, i just need to take action and sort out what I did. To last 26 months without gambling was such a massive achievement for me. I know deep down the things I have to do to keep myself away. 

I never came into forums such as this before but I think it will be a huge help seeing other people's stories and helping others who are struggling. 

I've had a big kick up the a**e tonight and it's cost me. But I know I can move forward and do another 26 months and even more ☺️ thanks for the reply! 

Posted : 4th July 2020 7:32 am

Hi Mtr2707,

Sorry to hear your story, Please can I ask that you don't rush into settling this money that you loaned to gamble. As you've opened up about what you've done  to your family, can you be open when sorting this out so that you are not left with any money you could gamble with to try and win back. This is the time we are most vulnerable and susceptible to losing our senses and gamble more.

Posted : 4th July 2020 8:36 am

Hello mate, everything is out in the open and we've come to an arrangement to sort it, I have no access to finances now as all my cards have been handed over. Like it was for most of the 2+ years I stayed clean. So that isn't an issue now. 

In hindsight I made a mistake in taking control back of my finances a few months ago. No surprise that that was when I started slacking on my recovery by not doing the correct things. As it's ended up with me gambling again. So I'm now going back to what It was like before and putting even more barriers in place. Thanks for your reply, hope you are well!

Posted : 4th July 2020 9:46 am


That's hard but you've done the right thing. I had to restart after a few decent periods of abstinence with GA and all times were after I stopped the meetings and then something came along in life that I couldn't cope with. Unfortunately I never had the strength to get help again until I had lost everything(again) including my job and house so hopefully you can find a little glimmer of hope in that you have come here so quickly. 

Don't give up on the meetings(if you mean GA) as you've done 26 months so that's brilliant, and the zoom meetings, although okay, don't have the same power as a physical meeting. They'll be back soon, most secretary's of the groups had instructions through recently so now it's just waiting for the venue, wherever you are, to offer guidance for when they are opening.

This lockdown has been hard for a lot of people, myself included. You sound like you have the desire to stop again so I wish you well.

Just one final thing. After my relapse last time I decided I needed to do something different so with the help of someone inside GA I worked through the 12 step program and it has saved my life. I've faced problems that I certainly would previously used as the excuse to place that first bet, but it has given me an awareness and set of tools that I have been able to stay bet free. 

Just a thought for you.

All the best.


Posted : 4th July 2020 10:34 am
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