Hello, I am new to all this and am looking for advice from people. My father has a gambling problem with scratch cards and has done for as long as I can remember. He’s always borrowing money but whenever anything goes wrong I’m having to bail Him out. I have tried talking to him before to get help and he just insists he doesn’t need it. Does anyone have any advice as to how to approach it? I’m extremely frightened he will get himself in a mess with money again as this has happened in the past and I’m worried about the effects this will have mentally and could lead to other things.
Thanks in advance
Dear @helpneeded124
Thank you for using the forum and sharing your story. Welcome.
I’m sorry to hear that your dad has experienced the harm that gambling can cause, the problem of buying scratch cards can be particularly hard to overcome as there are no exclusions or blocking that can help.
There is hope for him though, he can recover from his problem gambling if he feels that he needs help, but that will be his decision and responsibility.
I am concerned that this is affecting you financially, we know that harm does not just belong to the gambler and that loved ones can be affected too. You sound like you are being very supportive, but I would just ask you to be cautious with ‘bailing him out’ to avoid any harm to yourself but also to encourage him to take ownership of his own debt.
If you haven’t spoken to us already then please talk to one of our Advisers as we want to support you through what sounds like a very difficult situation. We are here 24/7 on the netline or helpline – 0808 8020 133.
Kind regards,
Jo
Forum Admin
Hi
Scratch cards are no soft option and it disgusts me that they are prominently displayed in grocery stores and the like.
Like all forms of mainstream gambling they are designed to hook people. There's always one more go available because people dont actually like losing their money.
The odds are horrendous but devious marketing and the fact that they are right in front of people sets up the classic gambling delusion that the ticket has got their name on it. Its a mugs game but ultimately a tax on hope and depair
Your father needs reality checks and the first one is that you are not a bank with a sign above the door. The next is that is behaviour has taken his dignity and self respect away from him. Constantly borrowing from his offspring is not right and he sees it as the easiest way for a bailout.
It is in fact manipulation based on love and ties...manipulation..... tugging at your heart strings. The addiction makes him do it.
I know its not easy but you've been doing him no favours. Im not saying he in inherently bad or you should abandon him. However I am saying that one day he needs to be told that gambling is a one way ticket to the soup kitchen...perhaps point your local one out in a shock tactics exercise to reduce his mental reliance on you.
The reality is that you cant help him if he is not ready to face this and reach out for help. Yes its painful watching someone destroy themselves because gambling is a drug addiction above all else.
He needs tough love. I'm not saying you would abandon him but you need to see the true colours of an addiction that resides in him like a virus or aliens movie.
You need to see if he gets annoyed if you offer him a food parcel rather than cash and then take it from there.
I repeat that you are unfortunately enabling him to stay in that delusional lifestyle. I defrauded my parents but they did not know I was gambling.
You know he is gambling so you should do something proactive about it
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi, you are obviously extremely close to your dad and worried about his mental health. You also need to care for yourself and the effect this is having on you will take its toll. Try giving the advisors here a call and get some practical advice on how to best to forward with this. I wish you all the best with helping your dad.
Thank you all for your responses. I have reached out to both my father and Gamcare and arranged for some help for myself. He was really apologetic for how I had been feeling and I knew I hadn’t been helping things and feeding it but I was at a loss of what to do. I’m hoping this is the start to things getting better.
Well done I'm so pleased you have reached out I know ...believe me.. how hard it is to admit there's a problem that you can't deal with. Try put things behind you now accept the advice move forward and hopefully take your dad forward as well. Keep being honest with him addiction for him thrives on secrets and for you keeping things to yourself will drag you down. I'm the recovering gambler and the most wonderful thing for me is not keeping awful secrets anymore, for your dad if you can keep things in the open he will benefit in the long run and maybe he can start to recover. I wish you all the best let us know how things go
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