Hello everyone,
I have gambled on and off for the past 5 years but am now looking to stop for me and to save my relationship with my girlfriend.
I have recently opened up to my girlfriend about my problems and have been given the ultimatum of stop/she leaves.
I started gambling just after I turned 18 and did it initially just as a hobby and just gambled on football at the weekends/big horse racing events. I was an apprentice so was on a small wage, so was spending £200 a month on gambling after paying board to my parents. After my 1 year apprenticeship I was taken on full time and saw my wage almost double in the period of 1 month. This changed my mentality, and now I was gambling £600 a month and it was starting to affect me more mentally. This led me to taking out my first payday loan in about September 2015, I took out small payday loans over 12 months and would take out new loans to pay old ones (Slippery slope). I got myself into about £3000 of debt and my parents found out once demanding letters were dropping through the door. My parents offered to clear my debts if I got help to stop gambling. I did this and had nearly 6 months gamble free.
I still do not know to this day why but around March 2017 I started again. And it has been going downhill since then. I started gambling again and got myself into even more debt with loan companies and am now currently about £10k in debt.
I want to stop gambling now and focus on paying off my debts slowly.
Any advice on how to totally take gambling out of your life and how to avoid the struggle of being in debt?
I have agreed next payday that any money I had left after paying some debts I would transfer the rest to my girlfriend and get it from her when needed. Is this the right thing to do?
Thanks in advance for any comments
Callum
Hi (@cnut1996)
I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing through gambling, including the debt.
In relation to some helpful practical steps:
1) If you gamble online, you could sign up (free) to GAMSTOP, this blocks you from accessing UK online gambling sites. Here is the link https://www.gamstop.co.uk/?NativeExternal=true
2) Most banks now have a feature where you can ban gambling transactions. With some banks this can be done via online banking/ banking App
3) You can self exclude from physical establishments such as bookies, casino's and bingo halls
4) You have been open with your girlfriend etc; this is great as it's so difficult to try and sort a gambling problem alone. So please do continue to be open (even if it seems unbearably difficult at times)
5) Please do consider attending a GA meeting (many at the moment are online via Zoom)
6) With regards to the payday loans, you *may* be able to claim some money back. This is the link to DEBT CAMEL 'how to get a payday loan refund' https://debtcamel.co.uk/payday-loan-refunds/
7) General difficulties with debt, there are many debt charities that offer free non-judgmental advice and support. I have personally used STEP-CHANGE and found them very helpful. https://www.stepchange.org/
I truly wish you every success and hope you manage to get support; first to address your gambling and second to address your debt.
I am a compulsive gambler... in recovery.
Kind regards
Pete123
Thanks for that (@pete123)
Just applied for Gamstop, I have already self excluded from most online gambling services, but still have a couple open, so will be best to get them shut down too.
I will look at local GA meetings to see what they currently have in place and will look at attending one of them.
I have tried with step change before but have missed payments due to not having money available due to gambling it all away, but will look at getting it set up again.
Thanks for your response Pete
I love you - please remember this❤️
Thank you for reaching out and asking for help. I would love for you to stop gambling for yourself and us - I can see it’s had a massive effect on your mental well-being and now effecting mine with the stress of not knowing what to do or how I can help you:(
I want us to be able to trust each other and we can plan date nights which we’ve not been able to do because I don’t want to fund the relationship and act like it’s okay.
But hopefully this makes you change and see that there is more to life than gambling and spending all your money. You have me - and I love seeing you and spending time with you - I love going for nights away with you and making memories and visiting places.
I want a future with you - but until you stop / cut down massively, we can’t move forward with things.
thank you for telling me though - sorry if you didn’t want me to comment on this either !! Too late.
You can do this and I’ll try and help as much as I can but you have to remember it’s hard for me too as I struggle to understand - like to me it sounds easy to stop but I know it’s not for you and others who struggle with addiction.
glad you are taking the proper steps to stop. - means a lot but just hope it works x
I love you X
I love you - please remember this❤️
Thank you for reaching out and asking for help. I would love for you to stop gambling for yourself and us - I can see it’s had a massive effect on your mental well-being and now effecting mine with the stress of not knowing what to do or how I can help you:(
I want us to be able to trust each other and we can plan date nights which we’ve not been able to do because I don’t want to fund the relationship and act like it’s okay.
But hopefully this makes you change and see that there is more to life than gambling and spending all your money. You have me - and I love seeing you and spending time with you - I love going for nights away with you and making memories and visiting places.I want a future with you - but until you stop / cut down massively, we can’t move forward with things.
thank you for telling me though - sorry if you didn’t want me to comment on this either !! Too late.
You can do this and I’ll try and help as much as I can but you have to remember it’s hard for me too as I struggle to understand - like to me it sounds easy to stop but I know it’s not for you and others who struggle with addiction.
glad you are taking the proper steps to stop. - means a lot but just hope it works x
I love you X
Thankyou, I will do my best to stop for us!
Iloveyou xx
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