Im here for the 1st time, despite having just finished a 3rd descent into spreadbetting in 20 years. I was an ex broker who worked in the city for 20 years so thought i knew a thing or 2 about trading. WRONG!! To keep it short, in 2005 I lost my house, savings and went into IVA which took 5 years to pay off. 2011(ish) had a short bout of gambling which cost a little but i nipped in the bud. Last year started again and its cost quite a bit. This time i decided to get professional from GAMCARE as well as coming clean and being completely honest to those closest to me. Been speaking to a therapist for nearly 2 months now and found it massively helpful.
No gambling for 2 months for me so far, plus learnt a lot about the science that limits you to act in a sane manner while gambling. Not cured for sure, and have to keep working on everything ive learnt so far over the last 2 months, but feel i have the buidling blocks to stay off the websites. For me, the answer was to come clean to those closest to you, and be open and dont write off therapy as mental hogwash(this was a 1st time for me and ive found it enlightening). Accept you are fallible, but work hard on your weaknesses.
I'm more than happy to answer any questions you may have, and will also when time allows reply to some of the forum topics.
Wish everyone all the best on their respective journeys
Talking to you would really help me. I still have no idea why I went into a kamakazi melt down while trading over the course of three hours, wiping out the year’S profit and then some. I’ve started to come out of that awful beat yourself up numbing stage.
im more than happy to help. i only signed up here yesterday. do we do this on a chatroom?
spoke to the moderators on the site and they said to continue on here , which im happy to do. like i said previously, im happy to help, and feel by hearing about other peoples stories it opens an avenue to seeing how others are coping and finding ways to abstain from gambling, and moving on with their lives in a positive direction.look forward to hearing from you.
To be honest reading your post it sounds like you still intend to gamble or trade at some point in the future, this use to be my mentality. I thought if I could sort myself out and stop the binge gambling I could go back to enjoying my regular bets and everything would be rosy. It turned out to be my own mind trying to convince myself that it was ok to feed the addiction.
This is why its so hard to tackle addiction, but you have discovered one way of getting started in the form of coming clean and getting everything out in the open. Addicts tend to keep it all in their head believing they can solve this themselves which only leads to digging a deeper hole. To tackle it we need support and honesty, this is one of the main reasons GA works so well, you will get honest feedback and support from people walking the same path as yourself. We may be able to talk our way around things with family members or friends but fellow addicts know all the red flags. This is vital to aid recovery and help us to be honest with ourselves. I would always recommend GA as the main path for recovery.
Hi joe. Thanks for the reply. Dont take my initial response as punchy. Please read on. I didnt appreciate the beginning of your post to be honest. I know we are all adults here and brutal honesty is what is needed at times, but to say that to somebody you dont know in that manner is a little harsh. I'm an adult and can take it easily, but some people on here are very fragile and probably nervous about coming on to these forums. Give them harsh truths? For sure. Be a little tactile in delivering it? For sure. Punchy responses can come later after a few back and forth replies.
Just so happens you called me right about wanting to trade again.At the beginning of therapy, once I started learning about the science of what was going on in my head and overcoming it, I still thought about trading and I could fight and beat the science. Picking a winning trade is easy, but everything turns to mush when a losing trade comes, and the cycle of money management and desparation to chase kills any possibility of winning. I always knew that around 80% lose money doing this and in the middle of a therapy session this week, I said it's no shame to be part of that group, and after 20 years banging my head against a brick wall, enough is enough. I'm done. At least I sincerely hope I'm done with it. I'm very lucky to have a good support network and with their help and a lot of effort I wont go back to it. From here on in its repetition of good habits.
With regard to ga...personally it wasnt for me. Didnt like it at all. I realise it works for some and that's great but didnt like the faith based approach of it.
@dan781
thank you, good idea, a chat room would help, I really want to understand the science behind this. GamCare does have chatRooms, are you around to meet in one of those at all? And also do you have any science links I can look at? Thank you, hugs
Emma
What was your experience of GA? How long did you go, how was faith pushed on you?
Thanks
Chris.
My ga experience was around 15 years ago. Went to 1 group meeting. The standup group confessions were constructive but 'God' was I think prominent in 3 of the 12 steps. For me that's a no no. Dont want to offend anyone who believes, but the second that is mentioned to me in any notion, I instantly check out. Like I said earlier, if it works for people, great. For me I knew it wouldnt. I have found the 1 on 1 therapy far more constructive and when that is done I just have to keep on the straight and narrow with everything learnt so far from it
Hi Emma. I can never guarantee a time to be on here so when I get back home, I'll drop a few links here that I found useful. Hope it helps
Hi Emma,
If you havent seen them before, some of these links hopefully may be helpful for you. I found it very interesting. Wont fit everybody's agenda, but see what you think.
https://www.brainfacts.org/diseases-and-disorders/addiction/2015/gambling-addiction-and-the-brain
Thank you very much Dan, will look at these. Wish we could talk more easily than this and it looks like we've had similar experiences.
It's been just over a month since my first post. Still no gambling....so far. Had a sort of relapse by going on a trading simulator a couple of times, and both times immediately all the c**P feelings came flooding back.
In my head I convince myself I can do it, but the stark, harsh reality is that a house and a lot of money lost after 20 years means exactly the opposite.
I am finding constructive uses of my free time. I'm reading a little bit more, and smashing Netflix helps too, but the empty hours are very dangerous.
Still getting my bank accounts audited by my wife weekly which keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Must keep disciplined. Good luck to all out there staying clean.
@dan781 I realise that I had already asked about GA but thought this might be useful.
With regards to your earlier post Dan about Ga and God, the use of the word God is normally used initially as "the God of your understanding". Now for some people that might have a religious connotation but to others it means their higher power. All a higher power is something greater than yourself. In fact someone in my group uses the initials to mean Good Orderly Direction!
I couldn't stop gambling on my own, My willpower wasn't enough and the love of my wife and children or the risk of losing them wasn't enough, so I lost them. I go to a GA room with a bunch of strangers, sit in a circle, talk about myself and I managed to stop gambling. If I keep going to meetings I don't gamble in-between but when I stop going I find myself back at it. So what is it that helps me to get through a week without gambling if it's not me? It's my higher power. It's that simple.
I would encourage you to try the meetings again, see if you can identify with anyone there and see if that helps with your peace of mind. I notice that you are struggling with the spare time, that might help you.
For the record as well I have never stood up and done a standing therapy. Different meetings are run in different ways but you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.
All the best to you.
Chris.
Thanks for the reply chris. while I appreciate your view point and am happy it works for you. For me, when I hear 'higher power' I cant help but feel pressurised internally to push me to believe in a stronger being, and switch off instantly.
Now, I realise there is something strong in me(but a very bad force) when I gamble, and I have to just switch it off. Obviously, easier said than done, but every time i have gone back to the simulator, I've been honest with my wife, she doubles down and checks the bank account straight away, and that is the way it has to be for me.
I just csnt stomach the thought of going to a ga meeting. Just not for me but as I said previously, if it helps others, fantastic. Thanks again for the reply and best to you on your journey
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