Support us

FULL MARKS TO MODERATOR  

 
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi,

Another incident on the chatline tonight or is it just me ?.  Someone who's struggling, really struggling with illness, Both mental & physical and the urge to find solace in gambling. What's the advice given ?." Stop feeling sorry for yourself". But respect to tonight's moderator who showed leadership & compassion who almost immediately pointed out the need to be sensitive & tolerant towards other people & their problems. Someone recently pointed out that recovery doesn't come in Small, Medium & Large standard sizes. 

On a more positive note we can be grateful for those who've been in recovery  for several years, whom through wisdom & personal experience chose not to make assumptions on someone else's mindset whilst making themselves approachable & taking a none judgmental view to anyone who requires advice. Lesson for today, We Never Know What Others Are Feeling Or Thinking.

Stay Strong & Stay Safe

 

AL

 

Quote
Posted : 21st November 2020 11:51 pm
Amba
 Amba
(@amba)

Hello SlowLearner Hope you are well.

It's good you had a firm yet compassionate moderator. To one of a reserved and fragile frame of mind though it's kind of put me off a bit. Maybe in the future. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 1:06 am
Lou x
(@lou-x)

I was gonna go back on chat tomorrow I've been feeling so alone and struggling without it

But is it worth it.. if you cant say how you feel 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Lou x
ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 12:18 pm
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi Loulou,

All I can say is I hope you do return soon.

Best Wishes

AL

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 12:32 pm
Lou x
(@lou-x)

Thanks Al 

X

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 12:54 pm
Bal
 Bal
(@bal)

Evening all,

A very well presented topic Al and indeed something the moderator dealt with very well.

Unfortunately to me, this and many other incidents recently have made the chat a difficult place to converse.

I am 100% behind the fact that we must be kind and courteous to other users at all times. However there is only a certain limit that kindness and nice words can go to. 

We are all here for the same reasons. We are gambling addicts at various stages of recovery and wish we were 100% cured. Sometimes though harsher words are required to be said to get a point across. In some ways being cruel to be kind is a good phrase. Perhaps those words require to be delivered in a more diplomatic way or a more supportive way. But none the less we must never allow the dimensions of why we are here to change. 

Sometimes thinking before posting can merit a better response. Once a comment is made it cannot be retracted and (dependant on the delivery) can sometimes be taken in the wrong way.

I have noticed recently there appears to be a reluctance from chat room users (both established and new) to contribute to the room which is sad as i personally have taken great strength from a lot of users and often do not appreciate what is going on in that persons world.

We must use every abailable tool in our armour. When fully functioning chat is a great tool.

Best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 6:03 pm
Lou x
(@lou-x)

When I mentioned chatroom the other week, my post got deleted that night and I received an email..

''As the chatroom is a confidential and private space, it is important that what is said in the chatroom remains in the chatroom and is not discussed anywhere on the forum, which is a public space'

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 10:51 pm
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi Bal, 

Many thanks for your thought provoking & informative reply. Your points of view make sense & I agree with what you're saying about kind words are perhaps sometimes not enough. Tough love & straight talking were the things I very much needed when I first came here ( even if they weren't always what I wanted to hear ).

I posted last night as I've read so much recently about compulsive gambling being a mental health issue. I keep an open mind as to the chicken egg argument as to which came first. Should anyone ever ask me did I gamble because I was depressed or did I become depressed because the gambling caused that depression I can honestly say I reached rock bottom mentally as a result of my gambling, no doubt in my mind.

However I keep an open mind as to the plight of others & accept the reverse may well be appropriate in someone else's case. I find it scary when others have reached rock bottom & try not to tip the balance where someone might do something silly, It's a fine balance, and as you rightly point out it's hard to know what's going on in someone else's world.

The only thing I can add is I think an honest debate, with a shared consideration for the well being of others is a good thing rather than a bad one. However it saddens me every bit as much as it saddens you that other chatroom users are feeling a reluctance to both join in & contribute during the chat. I personally will take on your comments & points of view in the spirit of good will & mutual respect to all on the forum.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd November 2020 11:21 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @slowlearner and All,

Thank you very much for the feedback on behalf of Saturday's ChatMod, very kind of you. It isn't always easy to keep the balance in Chat but this is why the Chatrooms are moderated chatrooms - to keep the space safe and welcoming for everyone. We want to make sure everyone is included and we also want to make sure the focus of the room stays on recovery, which we don't always get right because group dynamic can be a tricky thing. But we always thrive to be better and feedback helps us in that.

However one thing that remains solid is that we absolutely have to take into consideration that we can't know what others are going through, what else is going on in people's lives and that people are in various degrees of distress in different stages of their recovery, therefor we absolutely have to act with respect and tread lightly. 

@loulou - it is correct, we don't want to talk about specifics of what happened in the Chatroom, but we feel Slowlearner's post is vague enough to leave it is as feedback. I will also move this post in to the Feedback Forum.

@Bal - I do appreciate that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and we can't always say what people want to hear. However this has to be done in a careful way, taking into consideration that we do not fully know what is going on for people and we can never make assumptions. 

Generally the Chatroom is a space for peer support and the more people engage and share about their recovery the more others can take away from it. So I would encourage everyone to come to chat and talk about their achievements, their stumbling blocks and just share what works for them and what doesn't. Us moderators will also carry on working to keep the focus of the rooms and to ensure it is safe and beneficial for everyone who attends. 

Thank you very much all again.

 

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 12:20 am
Lou x
(@lou-x)

Sorry to invade on your post slow it's a kind post

I just feel rules should be the same for everyone

Sorry again xx 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 12:47 am
Lou x
(@lou-x)

And what your saying is very true and kind of you xx 

I just stressed so easily 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 12:53 am
slowlearner
(@slowlearner)

Hi Loulou,

No-one invades my posts should they agree with me or otherwise. All are welcome. Sharing different points of view without malice or prejudice are the things that make this forum work.

Best Wishes

AL

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 1:05 am
Lou x
(@lou-x)

I'm actually really greatful for your post as part of it is what I actually wanted to express myself 

Loulou x

P.s sorry for overreacting early 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Lou x
ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 1:09 am
Lou x
(@lou-x)

Someone was horrible in chatroom the other week as well which wasnt called for unfortunately which ended up in a bad reaction mod did deal with it

But lately feels like people say hurtful things but not in a supportive manner it's more to have a dig but do they realise how much they hurt you.

Please everyone think how your words could be taken to someone that's on their final straw 

Loulou x

This post was modified 2 months ago by Lou x
ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd November 2020 10:31 am
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)

The job of the Chatroom Mod is a bit of a love affair

With friendly folk supporting and letting down ones hair

But in this calm oasis 

Serene and full of love

You just might get a tidal wave or rain from up above

Words may appear with feelings hurt

But don't get too distressed

For we are on a journey of hope

And trying to do our best

 

Best wishes 

And thank you

To all the Chatmods x x x 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Aum
ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th November 2020 12:01 pm
Share this page
Share
  
Working

Please Login or Register