So last night my SO decided to fess up and tell me they were in over their head...again.
We have been together five years, and ever since day one they have been involved with online bingo, and have had money issues. This was originally put down to a nasty break up & outisde influences etc, etc.
About three years ago, things came to a head, and it came out there was about £12K worth of debt. I was gobsmacked. I freaked out completely, and I ran to my family for advice. Luckily, they offered to stump up the cash on the provision it was paid back, the idea being to cut out any interest accrued that would then have an effect on me.
Now I have to give it to my SO, they worked hard, took extra shifts and worked all hours to get this cleared within the year. Not going to lie, I was mightily impressed as I genuinely thought this was an impossible feat (we aren't on big salaries or anything like that!) and after the year was up and everything paid, a weight was lifted, from both hers and my shoulders.
Skip forward a year.
There is a 'Blowout' between my SO and an inlaw. This is then the'Trigger' for the gambling to start again. Six months go by without my noticing until again, it comes to a head and I question it. It all comes out and that there is a problem again. I ask how much, and I'm surprised to hear again, like the first time, they don't actually know what the full amount is. I ask is it the same again? The response is yeah, should be.
Wrong.
This time the amount has escalated to £16K. I'm not going to lie, I freaked the f out. We had just bought our first property together in 2017, and then a year down the line find out there is this around our necks too? What do I do? Well, I thought I'd be rational, and as this was all from payday lenders etc I would consolidate it all so it was a more managable repayment figure. Great. I made it very clear that I would not be putting a penny towards it, but the only way to secure that sort of money was to do it in my name as her credit score was now non-existant.
Everything started off fine, going well, making tracks...but money was still tight. I just put it down to the high repayment figure.
Then, another bombshell was dropped yesterday. There is more. Again...and again no idea of the final amount. Somewhere between £10-15K on top of what was already owed, no bringing the total to somewhere near £30K
After tossing and turning all night, the emotions have finally kicked in and I am sat here feeling alone, scared and wondering just how in the hell I can make this all go away. I didn't ask for this and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to just get up and deal with it, carry on with life, go to work and smile and pretend to everyone else that things are okay, becuase honestly? They're not. I feel sick, I feel tired, I feel ashamed and embarassed that I have been lied and taken advantage of again.
Please, I am begging someone, anyone, please can you just tell me which way is up? Which foot to put forward just so I can try and make sense of all of this...
Hi anononon just take a big breath. Call gamcare and offload to someone. The first thing to do is stop giving your partner money, stop paying her debts. Find a gamanon meeting. Get online blocks on all gadgets, get her to sign up to gamstop asap, no excuses. She needs to contact stepchange and sort out a repayment plan. Compulsive gambling is progressive and the debts get bigger, when their debt is paid off it's like a clean slate. Also improves their credit rating so they can get more debt. It's a vicious circle. She needs help from a GA meeting, gamcare offer counselling too. My husband ran up massive debts, he goes to GA I go to gamanon. You have to change too, stop bailing out and start being strong. You can be emotionally supportive but if you continue to pay, she'll continue to play. Get some help.
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