Where to start

Hi and welcome to the forum.

We know all about the addiction and can give tried and trusted advice. If you choose to try and help him you have a job on. He will need to be ready for that help or you may be wasting your time.

Its a horrendous addiction. Its no silly game about a flutter. Its is a full on drug addiction and mental illness.

He needs reality checks and if you feel safe you have to tell him again and again that gambling is not acceptable to you and you will walk if necessary. You tell him that gambling kills people and its a mugs game of addiction delusion and illness. Its no time to be a shrinking violet Im afraid

You have to protect yourself emotionally and financially. This may sound cold but you are dealing with and addiction which absolutely destroys people and takes their families down to the worst hell imaginable.

He needs to get active in doing something about it. Take him to a GA meeting and push him through the door. Build some support for yourself with family and friends.

Phone gamcare as many times as you like because you need to hear a one to one voice to start with. Keep phoning until you are more confident in learning about the help on offer.

He needs a born again moment. If he groans or complains its a sign that he is not ready. Ask him how much he chucked away and get him to explain how clever he thinks he has been. His gambling will make no sense when he tries to explain it.

Im not saying its a pretty process and its your call. Some partners walk away and I cant blame them.

If he is worth fighting for, the illness can be beaten into history. You can never be complacent again though. Recovery will save his life and any quality of life you have...Do you understand that?

Its starts now! There is no time to waste...some self exclusion can be done today.  Cash cards need to be handed over and all remaining finances FULLY protected

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi I am a compulsive gambler. I don't know what it must be like to be in your situation. I echo the thoughts of joydivider. From what you say your partner has not yet done anything practical to stop himself gambling. Counselling is generally something that people explore once any immediate crisis has passed and some gamble free time has passed. That's my view anyway.

I would strongly suggest NOT to try and "save" the gambler from himself. The only way you can help is by not feeding the addiction. Keep control of your money. Do not allow your partner access to your money. keep your finances separate. Also never bail out a compulsive gambler if you ever want to see the money again. Just don't do it however much your partner may plead, beg promiss etc. Generally compulsive gamblers (me included) do have to really feel the consequences of there gambling in order to become motivated to want to try and change and then the hard work begins.

Am sorry there is not any cheery news in this post, but that is the reality of addiction. Get talking support for yourself. In many ways you are simply an observer of what your partner is doing (or not) with dealing with there addiction and demonstrating through behaviours and actions that change is happening. Look after number 1... that's you!

Thanks for the reply’s I’m in a hard situation atm as he is the only earner it all goes into a joint bank account I have his card so he can’t spend but he will take it from time to time. I just don’t understand how online gambling even works 

Go on the gamstop website  www.gamstop.co.uk 

Online gambling works like this..... you deposit money on an online gambling site (using any number of different ways) and you gamble... some people are addicted to slots (that me), some are addicted to poker or roulette or horse races or anything really.

However 99 per cent of gambling sites are registered with the uk gambling commission which requires them to also be registered with gamstop... signing up to gamstop makes it very hard for the gambler to gamble online and this is why....

... in oder to withdraw yoiur winnings (should you have any) you have to demonstrate that your now committing fraud by proving your identity and your address. If you can't do this they wont pay you out. If your name address are on the gamstop database you cannot sign up to gambling sites and/or your account wilk be closed...

there is so much more i want to say... but ive got to go to work... have a read of the site... all the best

NOT not now... typo 🙂

Hi...

Hope your managing to get a clearer picture of the way forward and getting some talking support just for you.

All the best