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Walking away  

 
facinguptoit
(@facinguptoit)

So I have reached the end of my tether, and I am going to stop seeing him or doing anything for him. He's our only deeply loved son but I'm starting to hate him, hate myself and his father.

He has been given notice to quit his home but with his poor payment record won't get another easily and he can't live here so what will become of him? He also has a mountain of debts but he doesn't give a d**n....never attempts to pay any of them.

I feel so depressed, we have helped him out so much but can't do it anymore, he lies, gets abusive, is lazy as hell and just won't tell the truth about anything.

So I have to walk away but I feel so bad about it....

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Posted : 15th January 2020 1:30 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

.... you do what you have to do. Sometimes the more you do for some one the less they have to do for themselves. The bottom line is that he has to take responsibility for himself.... if he chooses not to, then that's his issue.

I am a compulsive gambler by the way. My mum once said to me "if you choose to gamble until you are hungry and homeless I would be very sad, but it would have been your choice".

Whats the saying "if you love someone set them free"... a bit corny I know, but am sure you get the drift of my thoughts.

Live your life, don't live your life through your son.

All the best... S.A 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th January 2020 6:10 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

As a gambler, you do not change until you have to change. As a mother, to an addict, you are going to take it as far as you possibly can for your child.  That is counterproductive as the change only comes when there is no other option but to change. You can not force your son to change but you can force yourself to change and that will, in turn, help him.

Good luck.

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Posted : 15th January 2020 8:43 pm
facinguptoit
(@facinguptoit)

Thank you SA and C43h, you are both right and telling me that I am right to walk away is the best, most positive message possible.

Good luck to both of you too.

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Posted : 16th January 2020 10:33 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

I am an enabler, I have enabled my husband, not by giving money but by making life normal and hiding away from reality. 

If you give a gambler money, you enable them. We do this because we love them. So the addiction continues. 

A gamanon meeting will help you. Gamcare will help you. You can help your son by encouraging him to seek help too. It's an emotional illness, escaping reality, stress, depression.

this is hard to face but you are part of this too. Offer emotional support, nothing else. He can call stepchange which will help with his debts etc. Go to GA. Many resources are there to help.

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Posted : 16th January 2020 1:22 pm
The Other Half of Them
(@other-half-them)
Posted by: Merry go round

I am an enabler, I have enabled my husband, not by giving money but by making life normal and hiding away from reality. 

If you give a gambler money, you enable them. We do this because we love them.

Wow, Merry Go Round! I think I too am an enabler. How do you “support” without “enabling”? It’s a very fine balance!! 

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Posted : 20th January 2020 10:11 pm
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