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Supporting My Partner  

 
Paul849-
(@paul849)

Hello all,

My partner has just confided in me that they have recently become addicted to gambling.

They have lost a very large amount of money over a short period of time and have accumulate a large amount of debt chasing their losses.

This is completely out of character for them.

As you can imagine I was initially in shock after finding out and also angry as well. Considering I have a temper this actually subsided very quickly after realising how vulnerable they are.

it had been a tough year for numerous reasons and they have supported me through out. 

I actually feel like the stresses of the year have actually caused them to have a form of mental break down for whatever has been played out through gambling.

we have the most trusting of relationships and after admitting what has happened they have been completely honest. 

They have shared all bank statements with me and shown me all of the stop gambling blocks they have put in place. 

It hurts that they lied and felt they couldn’t confide in me, but I understand the anxiety that losing must cause and things spiralling out of control.

They have been completely cooperative since admiring the problem and also want as much help as possible to never let it happen again.

they have booked into see a psychiatrist and have joined gambling anonymous. They have also agreed for me to manage their finances for as long as necessary.

Having accounts with to of the websites myself I am astonished at the amount of money they continually allowed to be deposited in such a short period of time over and over again without the online platforms putting any type of cooling off period in place or noticing such a huge change in gambling pattern. 

I am shocked as to how these company’s operate and how they have quite clearly abused someone so vulnerable.

 

Any advice you could give me to help support them would be much appreciated.

Take care x

 

 

Quote
Posted : 11th August 2020 7:46 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

 Hi Paul ,

Sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this situation , I know it can be really upsetting and frustrating as an affected other going through this .

Compulsive gambling hiding things and compulsive lying go hand in hand , it's difficult to take but  it's part of the addiction  , I hope that the trust can be built back up over time. 

It's great that they are now being completely co-operative and seeking help to try to recover from this. 

There's support available for you and your partner   , and you are certainly never alone .  You can contact us anytime on 0808 8020 133 or via our website on our Netline service , and please try to encourage your partner  to also do this. 

In regards to the debt side of things a good organisation to call would be Step change on 0800 138 1111 . They offer advice on debt and money issues and can help your son set up payment plans and budgets .

Thanks for posting and sharing this and take care. 

Kirk 

Forum admin 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th August 2020 9:19 pm
Joe-90
(@joe-90)

Hi Paul,

Well done on being so supportive and its great to see you have come here looking for advice, you most definitely need to be aware of what its like living with a compulsive gambler which will help act as a barrier to prevent them gambling in the future. It's also a good sign your partner has admitted they have a problem and is seeking help, most are very resistant to this as they know it means they cannot bet again.

Once you partner devots plenty of time and energy to his/her recovery they will see a marked improvement in their behaviour. You will need access to everything, no more hiding places for them Im afraid (addiction feeds of secrecy). You should have access to all ways they can gain finances (credit history will show any credit cards etc in their name), emails, bank accounts the lot. 

Stay safe

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th August 2020 5:02 pm
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