My husband has been gambling for long time now appx 5 yrs.
He still has lots of debt and few weeks back I found out he gambled money put aside to buy a car and took out finance to buy. That money was the money we got from the insurance company after our previous car was involved in accident and I had paid for that car.
I tried to talk to him many time but he is still lying and denying that he is not gambling. Every time I try and speak to him he says he will pay my money bit by bit. When I ask him why he took out finance if he is not playing he is lying he did not buy in finance when I know he did it. I tried to explain to him it's not about the money only it's about trust and he needs to show me his online account. He is refusing that. He says I can keep his card but he won't show his online account. Previously after asking for many times he got the papers statement from bank but but somehow it was weekly statement and there were many weeks missing.
I have given him ultimatum that I am going to leave him if he does not come clear to me by tom.
But I am very anxious now and doubt if he will come and talk to me and try and solve the issue. He is angry that my mum and his mum that he is still playing. But i could not help it. I don't want to live with his lies but I still care about him and feel pity on him. And also i have a 7 yrs old and 8 months old and i am so worried about how to look after them alone and how can i give them best chances alone. Please help me.
Well done on coming here, you situation is very common. Compulsive Gamblers are liars, we will do what it takes to keep gambling. If your husband had nothing to hide he would show you all his accounts to prove he is not gambling. Your instincts to leave are also right. If he is not going to change he does not belong in your life as things will not change, in fact they can get much worse.
Explain to him that you believe he has a gambling problem and unless he seeks help and gives full disclosure and access to you (accounts, emails etc) that you will leave. Don't say it lightly, you have to leave if he does not comply. Make sure you are separated financially so he does not affect your credit rating. I had to hit rock bottom before I sought help. When I did I gave my partner full access to my bank accounts, my emails, my credit score account (these will show any debt or credit cards in my name). I had to site with my partner as she went through my bank account online showing transaction after transaction day after day to gambling companies.
Again I know this is tough and the situation is not of your making or the kids but your instincts are right. You know he is lying and you cant trust him.