I am just about ready to ask my partner to leave. I think he's taken me seriously as there has been a bit of progress. He called the bank and I heard it from them that he's made a dent in his debt over the past few months and has put things in place to try and pay money off. He's blocked himself via gamcare from any gambling sites (although I need to check which email he used) and he is giving me any spare cash he has after bills. I give cash back to him when he needs it for travel etc. The only problem with this is I don't see receipts. Does this sound like a man who is trying to sort himself out?? Should I still go ahead and ask him to leave?? Can I believe hes finally admitted he has a problem and wants to sort it out. He has said he will attend counselling/meetings but has not arranged this yet. Not sure if this progress is likely to be short-lived. Any advice would be welcome
Hi Minnie,
Check out this thread: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/family-friends/what-questions-to-ask-my-gambling-partner/
I don't know how far you are down the line or what control you have. Take full control before you make a decision.
Hi Minnie what help have you sought for yourself? It's unrealistic to expect a gambler to follow a few rules when you're not really sure what to expect. How do you know where money comes from or goes to, without receipts? A compulsive gambler who is ready to stop will comply with all your requests. They will instigate handing over finances, find a meeting, prove gamstop without asking. You can't trust what they say only what you see. If you get some help, find a gamanon meeting you will learn how to deal with this situation. No one can advise you to end your relationship, that is up to you. He's relying on you not knowing enough. He's probably lying to himself about how bad this is, gambling is his go to, his habit. It's really tough to give up. You wouldn't be here if you were sure.
It's impossible to stop him gambling if he's set on it. They'll use small change if they have to. Anything to feed the flames.
The question is why is he not being open and transparent? Why has he still got access to money? Why didn't he let you sit with him and see him sign up for Gamstop? Why is he stalling on getting to GA? A gambler who wants to stop wants to show it. This sounds like he's spinning you a line to get you off his back.
Look after you. Insist on real, concrete measures you can verify for yourself. If he balks, be wary.
Thank you for your replies and advice.
I feel permanently sick and just want to run away from it all. It feels too overwhelming. It is affecting my whole life my job, my relationship with our child. My self esteem is rock bottom.I don't know where to turn to.
Call gamcare and talk, ask for counselling. Find a gamanon meeting, real people living with compulsive gamblers, real support. Gamanon is online on Sunday nights 8-9. You're probably very anxious , this affects your mental health just as much as the gambler. You can only rely on yourself, you have to be proactive.
Hi there,
I'm in exactly the same position. My partner has been gambling again for the past month, despite being gamble-free for nearly 2 years. I thought he had beaten it and didn't expect him ever to relapse. My thought now is will I spend the rest of my life on guard and worried for the next slip up?
Have you come to any decision yet?
Hi gambling girlfriend & keomensu. There is no easy answer is there but as advice goes look after yourselves. It is easier said than done, we have a young child I'm working full time but don't earn a good wage & we're living in a flat I don't like as it needs work doing. It is mine but i want to move so our child has a garden, living with a gambler I can't see that ever happening.
I only found out about my partner recently and things haven't moved forward quick enough. I just don't think he is ready. He talks about what he wants to do to sort things out but actually seeing evidence of this is like getting blood out of a stone. I'm exhausted.
I don't think I'm ready to be a single mother I'm super anxious at the thought of it but perhaps in the long run that will be better for all of us .
If you'd like to keep in touch please do it's good to have someone to chat to who understands what it is like to live with a gambler.
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