Hello i have been with my Partner for nearly 8 years have two children together.
The time when the arguments start is when he gambles the last bit of money i had left instead of buying cigarettes and asks for more again. When he asks again and i ignore him he speaks really loud and says are you giving me the money or not. When i tell him what the problem is he tries to turn it on me and that im the problem. I don't want to kick him out as our oldest is 4 nearly five and i dont like him seeing us argue and me crying. I dont see a way out of this. Ive told him if u dont get help now for your problem our relationship wont last. Doesnt make a difference.
Hi rememberthepain. Waiting for a gambler to get help is pointless. Get help for you. Find a gamanon meeting or go online Sunday night 8-9. Call gamcare. Show your partner that you're not willing to live like this. While this continues the moods will get worse, debts will get bigger. Try to detach and not get drawn into arguments. Look after yourself and the children first. Don't make ultimatums, that makes them more secretive. Encourage help and support but not financially. I spent a long time ignoring my husband, but going to meetings turned things around.
You sound like you’re in a very similar situation to me. 15 year relationship, but refuses to get married & we’ve a 2 almost 3 year old. He’s now a Compulsive secret gambler after rows & arguments, broken promises & lies. I’ve now been having 1:1 phone counselling arranged through Gamcare & as upsetting as it is accepting the reality I’m really hoping I’ll have the strength to leave. When you love a gambler I’ve discovered that the conflict in your heart is unbearable so you create a bubble & live in it with a broken heart. No way to live. I need a happy future I just don’t know how to have it. I was convinced to give up my well paid career to stay home & bring our child up so not only do I live 250 miles away from family, I have no income. Ask for counselling & try and see a future. That’s my goal.
It’s tough going still & I keep thinking he’s changed but not to be. I’m having my weekly counselling & I’ve got to say it is really helping. Hope you can try it. It helps you to realise you’re not going mad thinking that you’re being unreasonable, untrusting etc, those feelings are all the gamblers doing. Good luck. Xx