Hi all,
I really need some advice on how to approach my mum regarding her scratch card addtiction. I remember years ago where she would maybe do 1 card a week, which progressed to a few cards on the weekend. Recently it progressed 8 cards everyday and now we are at around 8 cards four times a day. I tried to gently raise the subject with her a few weeks ago, but she got very defensive saying that it is not worse than drugs an alcohol and is her 'fun time' as she doesn't drink or smoke and is not the same thing as gambling in a casino.
My problem with all this is not just the amount of time and money she wastes on these cards, but also how she goes about buying them. I can hear her leaving the house at 10.30 at night to run down to the local store to buy more and shes started to leave the doors open so that she makes less noise leaving and coming back. Also my mum is not so young any more (early 60s) and we don't live in the safest neighbourhood. I genuinely stress out when she's out so late at night because I'm worried something might happen to her - can even be her falling down and hurting herself not necessary being attacked.
I have also noticed that she is now emptying all the bins in the house everyday to hide how many scratch cards she has been through, but I found one plastic bag this morning, opened it and honestly was so worried about the amount of scratch cards in there (at least 30 just from yesterday alone). She does these scratch cards alongside the loterry as well, where she also buys quite a few tickets.
Any advice would be appreciated on how to approach this. I am just worried that I will go about it the wrong way and she will close up on me and find more ways to hide her addiction. Thanks.
Hi j.
It sounds to me like your mom has progressed into a full blown scratch card addict.
As am i
Although I haven't bought one in a long time now.
Everything you describe is pretty much how I was. The sneaking about. The hiding them in the bin
I even cleaned where I had been like I worked in a csi lab.
Personally I progressed into buying the whole pack. More often than not 2 packs per week
Also any winnings were spent on strips of more scratch cards.
Your mom's right its not like a casino. It's a lot tougher than that because casino's have self exclusion schemes. You can't self exclude yourself from where you get your grocerys? Although you can speak to the shop owner to refuse sale. There's no law which means the shop keeper has to adhere to it. And most won't
Like I did your mom needs to look at the cold hard facts.
Those being although a jackpot on scratch cards is appealing
Those 2 jackpots are spread between 300 million cards of a series. I could rattle on forever about how much is in a pack of scratchcards return wise it would make you sick. 80 percent of wins in a pack are money back
Which is pointless playing really?
There's a famous YouTube channel that has been buying them in equal numbers to mine and your mom's for about 5 years
And people put his returns to be 15 percent of what he's spent.
That's how bad scratch cards are
But again knowing all this there still extremely addictive.
I would suggest you sit your mom down and read her this.
I have spent in the region of 16 thousand pounds in the hunt for a winning card. My biggest card I had only once was 200 pounds
The guy on YouTube has spent over 100 thousand and he's not done a big win either..
That's not just bad luck.
Their just not out there.
It's not easy to just say stop buying them. At first I just stayed out the shops that I would buy them from. And found shops that did stock them because they are so in your face. Now I can go in and don't really notice them or I just avoid looking at them.
Personally for myself and I would guess it is for your mom it's embarrassing to admit she has a problem.
You're going to need to coax it out of her.
Don't go in full on screaming she will close up. At first you need to use the softly approach so you can show her that she's along the wrong path.
There's most likely a root cause to why she's buying them. She could be using them to escape problems in her life.
She could be in debt and is to far in that's she's trying to win her way out. All of these need to be addressed. Go over the questionnaire of this website
You fill in the form first in what you know. And then ask her to fill it in. If yours comes up different and what you know is factual.
She's most likely in denial.
There's many people in your mom's situation on this website
A recently lady I spoke with was 75. So it's never to late and you're never to old to change.
All the best for now
Will look forward to hearing back from you and seeing how it's gone
Deano
Give Gamcare counsellors a ring and get as much i nfo on this problem as possible and write down what they tell you. Learn as much as you can before you tackle your Mum. Talk to as many people on here as you can and you will no doubt find you are not on your own. When you have got more info sit her down in a quiet moment and put it all in front of her and stress how much you are worried about her and want to help. Tell her about this site, try anything. Here secrecy and hiding things is all part of the problem but you do not want her starting to get into debt which is the biggest risk with this. Ring Gamcare now. Good luck.
Scratchcards worst place to put them right in front of your face on the shop counters nevertheless clearly still can cause serious problems.Gambling has many tentacles it's everywhere hope your mum can get the emotional support she can get like everyone says there has a to be a starting point and it lies with her admitting that there is a problem remember she us not alone never suffer in silence good luck to her
Thank you all so much for the replies so far. I'm really so worried. I just found 30 new £3 scratch cards in her bag and I know that she will most likely go out and buy more tonight.
Thanks for the well wishes. I will try and approach as gently as I can as the last thing I want is for her to feel she can't trust me or to close up on me completely and Dean0 - I agree that there must be a root cause to this problem but off the top of my own head I wouldn't know what it could be so hopefully I can get her to open up to any problems or insecurities she may have. I hope she can eventually see that this is a problem because a few weeks back when we spoke about scratch cards she made it sound like it was normal and a hobby for her (which I understand from her point of you it is but obviously not a healthy one...)
I really hate that there is no limit to how much one person can buy. I know it is supposed to be a free world but things like this can severely ruin people's lives.
Scratch cards are sneeky you start off with buying 1 then your buying 2 have a win go buy 3 untill one day youve brought the whole reel in the morning and youve not even realised it! Try and keep as many as you can if you find a bag full hold them backaand then confront her dont back her into a corner just a coffee and a chat.just be honest how your feeling and your really worried this is out of control put the bag on the table and count up how much has been lost in that one bundle.ask her if she can afford to gamble that much money away and is she financially safe does she want or need help and offer her the extra support.
The closing point for scratch cards for me was when my friend and I went on a frenzy it was a fri morning we were in the van bored as it was wet so we started buying scratch cards won a few lost a few by the end we had over 100 scratch cards piled infront of us at £3 a time .... I could barely scrape rent together but yeah the financial loss and potential for a big win and realisation of how much money id wasted on them just in that day woke me up and was a big reality burst.
@jlfaith . When you do get to talk with your mum. Normal conversation. Tell her things like' your not gonna win it or your never gonna win it.and odds off her winning £1 million on scratchcards is 1 scratchcard out of 70,000 scratchcards or more in fact. Its the odds your against. Tell her things like. If it was easy to win big. We all would not need to go to work. Etc... also may help if you have confided in a close friend. Ask them to make a voice recording etc on your phone.telling her if she's having an urge now to resist it and listen. "Your Not gonna win it on scratchcards or lottery. This may help her hearing it from someone. Look forward to hearing from u ken
I'm saying a voice recording etc on her phone or yours or whatever. May help her urge.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
