I am completely at a loss as to what to do next. My son has had a problem with gambling since he was 18. We have just discovered that he has gambled 48,000 in 4 years and has stolen money from us. also taken birthday money from his little sister. He has stolen from my business and doesn't seem to have any concept about what he is doing. We took him to doctors who put him on anti depressants and told him he didn't need counselling!!!!! He has asked for help but to no avail. He has sold everything he owns and I don't know what to do.
Hi worried mum you need to find a gamanon meeting. GA will help your son if he's wanting to stop. You need to protect your finances. Don't pay his debts as that just enables him to continue. There are many parents at the meeting I go to. Call gamcare for advice too. Unfortunately this won't get better overnight and there is no magic wand to take it all away. This is a lifelong addiction and until you learn how to deal with the addict it will continue. The best place for real help is a meeting.
Thank you, I will have a look where the closest meeting is. He has borrowed £7500 off a friend and spent all his girlfriends savings. He allowed me to have his wages 2 months ago and I paid off some of his bills and was giving him small amounts of money for fuel for work, but the next month he gambled all of his wages by lunch time. This month he transferred his wages to me but then sold his mobile phone and has gambled the money from that and also all of his fuel allowance from work. We are back to square one. He says he is sorry but then we find out more things and lies. He is a lovely man and would do anything for anyone, but this is destroying him and our family.
Hi worriedmum01,
as Merry go round has kindly indicated it may be helpful for you to get some peer support from your local Gam Anon meeting. There is a list of where the local meetings are at www.gamanon.org.uk. Also please do feel free to contact us on the Helpline for some one-to-one support from an adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on the Netline.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
Dear worried mom, really sorry to hear about your son. You have to be firm with him and explain to him that he is destroying his life and hurting his family. Hopefully you overcome this.
Hello there, I wanted to tell you about my personal experience with gambling. I’m a 30 year old woman and I had everything (no kids luckily) I started gambling 6 years ago. I have not gambled now for 13 weeks. I have got myself in £20,00 worth of debt. I didn’t steal any money but it was the payday loans that messed me right up! 13 weeks ago I got help through a charity called break even. They give u 12 personal sessions free and I got a session in the week I enquired. It is the best decision I ever made and I’ve not looked back. I now realise (but I didn’t know at the time) I was using gambling to escape my messed up childhood, the death of my mum and the fact my dad Jumped in with someone else so quickly after my mum passed away and I was left to get on with it. I can tell you now, u cannot force ur son to get help, it will be his own desicion and when he hits his own rock bottom like I did. There are many levels to it. All u can do is be there for him. Don’t be angry with him. He is escaping something so dark and horrible inside him - he probably doesn’t even know it. I didn’t know it. I really hope he gets better. This is illness and has so much to do with mental health! Please be as supportive as u can! It’s all about the relationship he is having with gambling and I would imagine he has had toxic relationships with people and other things in his life. Like I have. Alcohol, drugs, it’s all the same thing. U can contact breakeven who can also support you in this and they give u counselling as a result which will help you help him. My personal problem was issues with co dependency and attachement. You can only see the tip of his iceberg - what is below the surface is a whole different kettle of fish! I wish u all the best with this for you, your son, and your family. He needs you more that’s ever at the moment. Take care and get in contact with breakeven gambling charity!
Hi worried mum
My son is also a compulsive gambler. Started when he was 18 and is now 29... the most painful thing I have ever gone through.
I know/feel your pain:(. You don't have to be alone in this. As others have suggested please try and find a Gam Anon meeting.
As a mom learning to support your son without enabling the gambling addiction is HARD... support will help you keep your sanity!
Cathyx
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