Manipulative Husband can't stop gambling

Thank you, I am getting some support. I did call and the lady I spoke to was amazing! 

Hi

i have been with my husband since I was 16. I’m 57

i always gave into him for money. Same as yourself for an easy life. When I refused the arguments and hatred would start. He owed out money many times. He got a bank loan and spent the lot. 
I have like yourself dealt with all finances etc since we were in our early 20s cos on a Friday if I didn’t meet him from work his wages all were spent in the bookies. 
we’ve had a decent life cos most of the time it was controlled. Last year he had a large gambling debt of nearly £5000 and I stood my ground and didn’t pay it. He threatened to take the house from me and said he would try to get every penny he could including a small inheritance I had. My husband walked out at this point. I went to a lawyer and was advised to get a minute of separation agreement drawn up. My huband came back but only on the set conditions he had to sign house over agree no debit credit cards to pay his own debt etc etc and he signed everything. He looked a broken man and I felt relieved cos I thought everything sorted out as if he broke any of those legal terms he would be removed from the marital home. 
now this year the mood swings have  got worse every few weeks. There’s no gambling now as far as I know but the fallout is he thinks he’s been robbed of his life. The least bit of stress and he walks out. He lasted 3 weeks in April and I was about to go thru with divorce when he threatened suicide. I took him back to seek help but to be honest docs etc a waste of time. 
he left again 3 days ago on wed night. I’m done this time. If he agrees to go into rehab treatment I’ll try that as last resort. If not  finished. 
he’s called me all sorts and tells me there’s nothing wrong with him that I’m the one needs a doctor. 
it’s so hurtful when you’ve been with someone so long and you feel they just don’t care. 

Hi Sharonm

Thank you for sharing your story, and I am sorry you're going through it too. It is awful, it's heartbreaking to be honest. After giving and caring for so long, to be treated like a nobody. I've stood it for 20 yrs. He's bullied me for 20 yrs. I've allowed that to happen I guess. Now I'm making a stand, and he is trying every threat, every bit of abuse to get me to pay up. Still I remain strong, because I know as soon as I relent, the cycle starts over again and he won't leave me alone until we are bankrupt. I've worked too long and too hard to let him do that to me. But he will definitely end up there. Today, he has threatened to destroy my personal belongings unless I give him money. He has called me some awful names, and still asked me for money. There is no logic, no niceties, no normality.  He is acting like a lunatic. I am fearful, but in the long run, I would be making a big mistake to give in. 

I have exactly the same issues with him getting any kind of help, as you do with your hubby. If they don't want help, there's nothing we can do. We can only hope, and in the long run, save ourselves. I'm glad you made sure you secured your home and finances. This is what I will be doing.

On my part, I want my husband out of the house. Life is awful with him here. I've heard the suicide thoughts off hubby, I've heard how he feels about everything, or rather, feels nothing. I can't say anything about what he's putting me through,  that's not allowed, because then he would have to feel emotions he doesn't want to feel.

My hubby has been fairly confident for many years that I needed him here so that I could manage, financially,  and physically as I have health issues. The truth is, he didn't work for years, I managed. He does absolutely nothing at home, and I manage. In reality, he needs me, and I am 100% done. As I was told on Saturday,  you can't fix them or help them. With that in mind, I am saving what little dignity I have left, my home, and my future without him.

Keep strong Sharonm, our strength and resolve for a better future will see us through, take care x

Im so grateful for this forum. I guess this is like therapy, writing it down. Again I have refused to give hubby money. He has told me that he is going to make it his mission in life to destroy me, and make me homeless! This is after 20 yrs of loyalty and caring on my part, not his. The stress and anxiety is truly undeserved. I am trying to stay calm, but it is difficult. What I'm learning is exactly the lengths he will go to to gamble, and the only thing I can do for now is not give him money. He's made the fatal mistake of 'taking control' of his finances. I think every person here knows what that means. He is refusing to pay any bills, or anything towards the mortgage. He just doesn't care that I can't pay everything and is setting me up for failure. His money will be gone in a week. He's already borrowing against his wages, or tried to. I'm trying to 'not take it personally' but it's so difficult. Any tips on how to cope with this would be appreciated. I'm already trying to get a solicitors appointment.

Thanks for reading...again

Take a moment for yourself Dee for doing so well so far for not giving in and standing strong!

I believe a solicitor is potentially a good option at the moment to get a better understanding of your options moving forward.

remember the numbers supplied by the forum admin if you need to chat. 

I shall pass those kind words you said about my girlfriend to her when I see her at the weekend.

stay strong.

dave101

Dear @Dee51,

We are really pleased to read that you are finding the Forum a welcoming and supportive space and that it is cathartic for you to share your story. 

I am sorry you are going through a really tough time at the moment, you are not alone in the way gambling can occupy daily lives for people.

If you haven’t already spoken with our HelpLine Advisers, I would encourage you to do so. Together we can discuss further help and support available to ensure you have everything you need to help you make pro-active steps forward towards happier times. You can use the NetLine or call the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133, we are here 24/7.

You may find it helpful to speak with the Citizenadvice.org.uk regarding your housing questions. 

Take Care.

Helen 

Forum Admin. 

Thank you Helen, I am making use of all the help available at the moment just to get through this. I appreciate the support immensely, thank you.