Okay I know this is gonna be long but let’s start from the beginning. My boyfriend of almost 3 years started gambling for fun ONLY SOMETIMES THO! It was never a during the week kind of thing or planning it. This happed in the spring maybe of 2021 then he stopped for good. Fast forward to him moving out of a house with 5 guys to one now he did it again and asked me for money. I gave it to him and he told me he had learnt his lesson and wouldn’t do it again. And he paid me back right away when he got paid. Fast forward to us LIVING together now and maybe 4 months in he tells me he’s doing it and is scared it’s gonna start effecting us. Which it has tremendously…. To the point where I’ve had to pay for rent and help him out with his car payments etc. and he owes me money and I know you should never give someone money but when it is going to effect your life big time you are gonna do it and you feel like you HAVE TO! It was almost every cheque or every other cheque that he was getting from work on Fridays going out the same night. He would sit in the car and do it and or do it before I got home from work. And the last time he did it Christmas Eve so that really f****d me up cuz I thought if it wasn’t Christmas Eve I’d leave. And he cried to me Christmas morning saying one more chance please so I gave him one and it’s been a month since he did it. He got paid on the Friday and it went out the same day. He’s been working a ton of overtime and we don’t get to spend time together other than the nights/ evenings so it’s like you are gonna go and do all that and gamble? Are you serious??
now comes the decision making cuz he’s never been like this before and we aren’t vaxxed so we can’t go out and go to restaurants or the gym and socialize like we used to cuz we would go out a lot and we were always around other people you know. So he is depressed about all that and his family lives all the way across Canada and his mom just moved back to his home town and is doing great! She is gonna build a piece of land on property and all this stuff and he might feel like he’s missing out and I am replaceable family isn’t…. But he loves me so much he rather stay with me and that makes this so much harder to decide what I want. He know I’m on the fence and I wanna leave but don’t cuz if I dont go he said we can follow a financial plan and I can have all his banking information and change the password so he won’t have ANY ACCESS. And we haven’t tried that before but then I think what happens when you have access again? Are you gonna do it? Can I really trust you? Am I gonna wonder and be stressed out all the time? Im only 25 and he’s gonna be 26 this year I know im young and I have a lot to learn and my family is worried for me and my future. So am I and I think that’s why I am having such a tough time on if I wanna stay with this man or not. We don’t fight, our relationship is literally picture perfect except for this… his dad was an alcoholic so yeah addiction can run in the family and he’s always looking for that extra bit of money somewhere he was selling fake AirPods and pit vipers he was getting a ton of money from that then it stopped and I feel like that’s why this got triggered maybe.. and he has won like 7,000 dollars before on blackjack that’s the only thing he plays.
I’ve been seeking everyone’s opinions and I mean a part of me deep down is screaming at me to get out now cuz it’s almost the end of the month and rent will be due soon and I don’t wanna waste money if I’m not gonna be there till the end of next month. We come home to each other every day he kisses me goodbye in the morning and tells me he loves me I know I can find that again eventually if I leave but it’s just hard. When you thought you were gonna spend the rest of your life with this person and they’ve never had a problem like this before. But everyone starts somewhere….
I want him to thrive and be happy and I wanna be happy as well. I don’t wanna stay and be depressed and miserable about my decision but I also don’t want to go because what if he really stops if I help him more than I have been and we find something for his depression and be able to go out and enjoy things again it’s gonna hurt either way! And sometimes I think if I stay I can always get out but if I leave I can’t go back…
im sorry that this is literally all over the place but this is what’s going on in my head and I just feel like I need someone else’s opinion that has been through this
Thank you for posting on the Forum and sharing your experience. I am sorry to hear that this has been a difficult time for you and understand that deciding on what to do for the best can be a hard decision to make. It is good to hear that your partner acknowledges that he has a problem, has been able to seek an support for this?
Whilst supporting your partner, it is important to also take care of yourself and minimise the impact that this is having on you. Have you been able to speak to any of your friends or family about how this has been making you feel? GamAnon is a website that has really useful information on there that is specifically for people affected by anothers gambling.
You mentioned Dollars in you post, so I am unsure where you are based but if you are in the UK and would like to talk further you are welcome to give us a call at anytime on 0808 802 0133 or come through on the webchat on our website.
Wishing you all the best,
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