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I don’t want to leave him but I might have to !!  

 
Cherry202
(@cherry202)

hi all ✋🏻 Been with my partner4 years, he has a high pressured job and gambles as an escape as he says to his stress. he currently lives with a friend as we live apart. We have talked about moving in togther but I couldn’t commit as of how he is with his money. He has known is gambling is an issue and over last 6 months got worse. Lies, seeing me less as when we are togther he does not put his phone down for betting for longer than 10 mins and he says he doesn’t want to be nagged at about his issue! So I’m feeling rejected n tryin to support him. I’ve offered counselling which he said he would and it’s been months and nothin. It’s like he isn’t ready and is in denial. So I’ve had enough of it all he promised me he would get help this week but nothing it’s not about the plenty he’s not short of it but I have to walk away now I’m drained he doesn’t want my support I’ve threatened to leave him. Nothing will make him wake up not even me leaving him ! I don’t know what to do I love him but I cannot help someone who doesn’t want it to be ready to Change. I don’t know what to do anymore can help at all ,

Quote
Posted : 5th December 2019 11:08 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear Cherry202,
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. As you rightly identify, before you're able to help your partner, he needs to be ready to accept his problem and take responsibility for making the changes. Having a partner who is a problem gambler can be an incredibly stressful situation, your wellbeing is very important. Our advisers speak to people in a similar position to you every day and are trained to offer support and advice tailored to you. Please contact us on the helpline (0808 3020 133) or for a webchat through the netline to access some extra support. This isn't something you have to go through on your own.

Kind regards,

Emem

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th December 2019 7:54 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Cherry.

Its a horrendous addiction and this is what it does. If he is not ready to face this there is unfortunately little you can do to help.

If there is no stability and security there is no real relationship. Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with one because I am aware of its devastating potential to take everything. She could be the most beautiful funny person but a gambling problem would ruin everything fast

Ive seen a lot of people say they/ their partners have a good job with plenty of money but this addiction has more than the potential to take all of it away.

Im afraid you cant let this be a blind love. You tell him again that gambling is not acceptable to you and you are learning all about its power to destroy people. If you get no positive response, ultimatums act as  much needed reality checks. You need to act on those ultimatums or he will keep having his poisonous cake and thinks its alright

You have to learn what you are dealing with here. Its a drug addiction that doesnt care about him so of course it wont care about you.

Protect yourself...lend no money...no gifts...no bailouts...beware any manipulation. If he doesnt want help you cant give help.

Im not saying he is a bad person. I am saying he is addicted which is a form of mind control and mental illness.

You deserve better feelings so you may well have to get some counselling over this and think of moving on. With support from family and friends you can build strength and make the decision thats right for you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 7 months ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th December 2019 1:16 pm
Spendlikewater84
(@spendlikewater84)

Ever heard of, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"

Unless your partner wants to go and get help there's nothing you can do.

You say you knew of his addiction but you are still with him.

If I was you I'd lay it out to him and give him the ultimatum but only if your prepared to hear that he chooses gambling over you, because most addicts will.

It's entirely up to you what you do.  

Xx

ReplyQuote
Posted : 6th December 2019 2:39 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi.. I am a compulsive gambler. Iv'e been in and out of recovery/abstinence for years. Iv'e also been around the forum for years. I think one of the common theme's from loved one's, is an out pouring of all the terrible things the gambler has done and how badly the loved one has been treated BUT then at the end of the post those 3 little words.. "but I love him" and it usually is "him" and the utter state of confusion about what to do.

From the outside looking in I know what I would do but its not my place to say. But from what you say your partner doesn't want to stop gambling,... so your probably fighting a losing battle. have a long hard think about what you want for yourself??

All the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 7th December 2019 12:36 pm
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