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I can’t forgive him again!  

 
Lotty123
(@lotty123)

Hi, 

ive been with my partner for 4 years, he told me on our 2nd date that he had a gambling problem and was in recovery. As I understood mental health I decided to see what developed with us and give him a chance. He lost his wife of 25 years through his addiction and the relationship with his children broke down. But I still supported him. He moved in and everything was lovely. As time went on he became quite emotionally abusive to me, but with new medication that all calmed.  I then found out that he hadn’t told his family about me, even though he relayed  ‘conversations’ to me that he had apparently had with them about us and our life together. He also told me a huge huge lie but again I understood.
Move on to now, his family now know and are accepting of us, although I’ve still not met them! His parents just want him to be happy, he’s put them through so much. 
We moved in to a new house which I love, been here a year. I found out last night that he has gambled all his wages and can’t pay the rent! I have worked everyday to keep our heads above water and not seems I did that because he had gambled his wages! Always some excuse as to why he couldn’t pay a bill. He lied and lied again. I can’t take it anymore. I have a 9 year old son who has already been through so much as his dad left us, we are friends now but it’s been tough. We are at risk of loosing our home but I can’t stay with him, the lows are out weighing the highs now and I’m mentally drained. My dad passed away last year so I’ve had a lot to deal with. I’m so angry that he could do this! 
I realise that I need to focus on myself and my son, I can’t help him and it’s time to move on but not sure how I’ll manage financially. 

 
Quote
Posted : 1st July 2020 10:48 am
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

I’m sorry for the painful situation you find yourself in right now. I’m not really in a position to offer any meaningful advice beyond agreeing with you that your immediate priority is to keep yourself and your son safe. I’m hoping that there may be people on the forum who are better positioned to offer you some sensible advice. Best wishes and best of luck.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st July 2020 3:57 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Lotty123 and welcome to the forum.

Is there anybody in you family and friends you can call to build a support network?

It seems you have done a lot of "understanding" Perhaps too much. We are not relationship counsellors but we do know about the devastating power of a gambling addiction.

It seems he has a history of repeat behaviour but unless he is ready to stop, its a real problem you must make some decisions about.

He needs reality checks but you need to be safe and free from confontation which upsets you. Perhaps some distance would register with him but we dont know the ins and outs of your relationship

You and your child come first. Im not saying he is inherently bad but he is an addict and he is gambling with your security and your relationship. It is a drug addiction and he has no control over his life

There is a future for you and obviously you deserve better than being constantly worried about your financial security

Ring gamcare again and build some knowledge and strength to make the right decision.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 7 months ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st July 2020 5:24 pm
Tilly
(@tilly)

I know exactly how you feel and i’m in the position now of  seriously leaving.

My husband has always liked a bet, he just used to do it on a Saturday at the bookies on the football, our problems started when he got the online apps.he swore he would be ok with them and i stupidly beleived him, well its turned into a nightmare, we have had massive rows, i’ve excluded him from certain things, he’s set limits, promised me that it’ll stop and i get up this morning and he’s set up a new one!! We’ve had the talks where i’ve said its ms or the gambling etc where he’s promised to get help but done nothing, he guilt trips me saying he has nithi g to live for, i’d be better off without him etc, thats when he’s not telling me its all my fault, its my fault he does it etc etc, i dont feel i can say anything incase it starts him off but whatever i do i cant seem to win. I care about him but i have zero trust in him, how can you stay with someone when thats gone. We own our own house which was bought with a large deposit from inheritence left to me, stupidly i let it be put in both our names and i dont want to loose the house but now if we split i’d either have to try to buy him out or sell, i just dont know what to do, everything is just such a mess but how many times can you forgive someone before you say thats it, its over.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th August 2020 11:12 am
Tilly
(@tilly)
Posted by: Tilly

I know exactly how you feel and i’m in the position now of  seriously leaving.

My husband has always liked a bet, he just used to do it on a Saturday at the bookies on the football, our problems started when he got the online apps.he swore he would be ok with them and i stupidly beleived him, well its turned into a nightmare, we have had massive rows, i’ve excluded him from certain things, he’s set limits, promised me that it’ll stop and i get up this morning and he’s set up a new one!! We’ve had the talks where i’ve said its ms or the gambling etc where he’s promised to get help but done nothing, he guilt trips me saying he has nithi g to live for, i’d be better off without him etc, thats when he’s not telling me its all my fault, its my fault he does it etc etc, i dont feel i can say anything incase it starts him off but whatever i do i cant seem to win. I care about him but i have zero trust in him, how can you stay with someone when thats gone. We own our own house which was bought with a large deposit from inheritence left to me, stupidly i let it be put in both our names and i dont want to loose the house but now if we split i’d either have to try to buy him out or sell, i just dont know what to do, everything is just such a mess but how many times can you forgive someone before you say thats it, its over.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th August 2020 11:14 am
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