How to move forward?

Hi

Do you want some truth and the reality.

It doesn't unless the gambler is ready to hold their hands out and ask for help knowing its the only right thing to do.

The relationship doesnt survive unless the gambler realises what is important and hands over all control of finances and the house to you.

What the gambler should seek is the serenity to realise they were addicted, they were beaten and there is help from caring people if they are ready to surrender to it.

With the right frame of mind and the right help a gambler will heal but there is no room for complacency ever again.

Are they ready?...are you ready?

That is the truth you now need to work with and make some decisions

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

It depends how deep the problem is but there are situations where this makes you closer and stronger and other situations where it just won't. No magic potions etc just what you as a person decide to do.

Hi Sarah try not to think long term. Get help and support for yourself to deal with this. There is online meetings each night on gamanon website 7-9. Separate your finances, no joint accounts. If he's willing, take over his finances. No bailouts, don't pay their debt. Offer emotional support, encourage they seek help. Only believe what you see. Don't keep secrets.

a compulsive gambler is a compulsive liar. Stopping on their own is not normally successful. He should show you what blocks he's put in place. Willingness in being honest, finding other ways to occupy time. 

Now is the time for you to look after yourself and find out about addiction. Take a day at a time. Support from others who are living with this or have been in similar circumstances is very helpful. Try the best online meeting, what have you got to loose. It's anonymous.

Hi Sarah,

Thats quite an open ended question and I can't be sure if you are the gambler worried about your marriage if you have been found out or if you are the wife of a gambler worried how your marriage can survive now you know your husband's secret.

From my own experience my constant relapses(with criminal behaviour involved) unfortunately led to the end of mine. When not gambling life was great but my illness was too much.

From seeing others though in my GA group I see lots of couples still married and very few seperations. Those that attend work hard at their recovery which obviously helps in their personal lives. 

Just stopping gambling isn't a guarantee of a couple sticking together though. That's down to the individual couple.

What is your story?

Hi Sarah,

People have posted some interested comments above. What are your thoughts and how are you feeling now? Like Chris, I am unsure who the gambler is as you have mentioned it. I first assumed it was you. Either way, could you share a little more so we can try and offer further support?

Some of us regularly visit the Gamcare chat room most days, there are meetings at 1pm and 8pm so do please pop in, introduce yourself and get the help and support that it seems you so desperately need. We can't do it on our own but with the help of others we can achieve so much.

All the best, Simon.