Hi, my brother has gambled for 13 years and it is compulsive. He's lost everything, his home, then rented accommodation, his job and now his marriage has failed which means he doesn't see his daughters daily and our Dad passed away at the beginning of the year. He won't accept it's a problem, told me he doesn't gamble any more as he doesn't get the highs. He's been spotted very recently by a friend who saw him coming out of two different betting shops, kicking the door and swearing, she said he looked awful, which he does. He's got debts that are uncomprehendable, 100,000's of pounds but won't go bankrupt. Now had a CCJ that he and his wife are named on. He's living at Mums but she's fragile. How do I get him to acknowledge everything? I think it's such a huge thing to face that he's not. He ducks and dives and lives on his wits. I don't know how he can carry on living like it, it must be exhausting. He pretends everything is ok and it's not. He needs professional help with his emotional wellbeing and the financial nightmare he's in. He could turn his life round but his whole personality has changed over the years. He blames everyone else which is easier. He has mentioned ending it before, maybe a six months ago and I couldn't bare it. That's obviously when he has the realisation of the enormity of his situation. He's had thousands off family members and will use every trick in the book to try and get money which just goes. Any advice greatly received.
Hi honeys mum. The basic rule is don't give a gambler money, don't pay their debt. You cannot stop him unless he wants to stop. He may well be hoodwinking your mother. You need to make sure her finances and home are safe. You can call gamcare and talk to someone, you can find a gamanon meeting. Gamanon is online Sunday nights 8-9. Addicts don't see their problem, they hide it from the world. It's a form of self medicating, often partnered with depression. They are compulsive liars too. They cannot get through the day without their fix. Unfortunately while someone is willing to put a roof over his head and food on the table he will continue. He has no reason to stop as he has lost everything already. If he has any money be it borrowed or benefits he will gamble it. It must be awful for your mother. Maybe you could take him to a GA meeting? Get some support and advice from a gamanon meeting. That's where I went.
Merry go round has summed it up well, no one can help him beat his gambling, its all up to him. He knows he has a gambling problem which is at least something but he needs to get help and it has to come from him. He could go to GA meetings, councelling sessions etc all day long but unless he really wants to stop he wont.
If you look at drug addictions like heroin a lot of families need to admister tough love as they call it. They give advice and then cut the cord, as they realise they are helping facilitate the addiction by helping at all. I know it sounds cruel and we take on the burden of worry that tehy may self harm or worse, but its out of our control. The addict is the one who needs to change and seek help. He has lost everything else of value but still carries on regardless.
I also agree with Merry go round in the fact that your Mother needs support as she is living with him, she may be funding him or he could be stealing from her. I am sorry you have to go through all this but you and your Mum need support as this addiction destroys not just the addicts life but the ones of those around him/her.
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